Adventures in Dukeville

ADHD

2011-10-22T12:20:00.003-05:00

Well, I realize that I've not posted in a long a$$ time. WOW. After Dustin started Kindergarten we took him to the doctor and had him diagnosed with ADHD. Most everyone I spoke with regarding this step in his life was against medication. However, I take antidepressants and have been on them since before he was born. So, I take medication every day. If it helps... why should we have to suffer through it. I always view medication like having an epidural during labor. I know that I can give natural child birth... I know I can withstand the pain... how do I know this? Women have been giving birth since the dawn of time... and I've been pregnant and delivered children. This stands to reason that I could also handle the pain... i.e. I wouldn't die from it... but WHY? If there's a better option... an easier route if you will... why would I needlessly suffer? That makes no sense. That's like having the means to buy warm clothes during the winter but deciding to wear shorts or something just to prove you can. It's dumb... this is just my opinion. Anyway, I digress... we put Dustin on medication... despite all of the people that gave me odd looks that told me they thought it was a bad idea. But, the beautiful thing about being a parent... is I get to call the shots... :) Even my hubby disdained the idea that we put him on medication. Guess what?... it's a little under two months later and he's on board... why? Because Dustin is responding to it beautifully. I say he's like night and day... but that's not true... it's more like dusk and night. Meaning... he's still himself... it's just softer. My best example is his coloring... okay... before now he would color all over the page and it was hard to follow what was going on... now he colors in lines... he takes more time... he's calmer... more focused. So, to me this means that he's able to do things he wasn't able before... like pay more attention to school work... and let's be honest... with his speech delay... he really needs to be able to focus during school. I'm thrilled with his progress. He's such a bright boy and he loves school. I'm not sure if he'll have to repeat Kindergarten again because I believe his ADHD inpaired his ability to learn but I suppose I'll make that decision closer to the end of the year. I want Dustin to feel equal with his peers... so if we're going to hold him back... Kindergarten would be the time rather than in 3rd grade or whatever. Bug is such an amazing little guy. He's got such a big heart and he really is so smart. I hate that he has to battle such things at such a young age. It's hard but I'm doing my best to try and shelter him from the stigma of being behind.

Kindergarten

2011-08-27T09:40:00.002-05:00

Well we survived the first week of school. Monday was exceptionally brutal... probably more so for me than Dustin. Although Dustin did cry and that ripped my heart out. I think it was more the reality that my baby is really going to grow up and leave me eventually. It's just one step closer to the time when he's no longer mine. I know he's not really mine, it's more like God let me borrow him temporarily to watch over him until he's able to do so himself. So, that reality is always such a let down to me. Because they are my babies and my angels. (Of course as I write this Dustin is torturing Dakota so he's been screeching all morning which is wonderful). I wish they could always be mine because I'm selfish like that. I think when you become a mother you fall so much in love with your children that over time it becomes difficult to let them grow up. It's traumatic for the mother or is in my case. Luckily Tuesday went much better as did the rest of the week. Dustin actually seemed to be enjoying it and doesn't seem to mind it anymore. I'm glad I decided to be the one to take him for the first week. It was important to be there to support him emotionally. Now that he is more acclimated I believe it should be fine for Darrell to begin taking him next week. Of course it turns out that Darrell left Tuesday night to go visit his brother near Waco so I would've had to take Dustin to school regardless. But, I'm just glad it had been my plan all along. It was good for me to see what his schedule/surroundings are like. I'm glad I was able to meet his teacher and see what his classroom is like with all of the kids there. (Dustin and I had attended meet the teacher night.... but being there during the first week of school was different). Dustin has collapsed every night after school because it is such an adjustment to his previous schedule. So, he's definitely been going to bed without us turning his TV on. What's funny is last night I let him have the TV on because it was Friday night but he passed out in like 20 minutes because he was so exhausted from the week's schedule. So, we made it through week one... luckily I have some time before my other two babies go to Kindergarten.

Everything to Everyone

2011-08-15T23:22:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel so stretched sometimes in so many different directions it's difficult to keep track of all the threads? That's sort of how I feel at the moment. However, it's not the number of threads and directions that has me irritated... it's my ability to perfect them all. I feel like I've been "stubbing my toe" in certain areas and have not mastered everything that I should have already workwise and it's bothering me more than I could say. I feel like having to basically be CEO of a household (remembering everything for everyone) and maintaining all the little details (couponing, cleaning, paying bills), etc. have prevented me from being as productive as I want to be in other areas. I feel like I've done so much better in recent weeks in terms of budgeting and watching our spending. I've spent a lot of time couponing and doing other various activities to save money now and in the future. I've seen some small changes and it's been good. I started working out 5-6 weeks ago... haven't seen any changes there... but I feel better so that's good. My house has been in pretty good shape for weeks now (let's not talk about my car). But, I do this one process at work and it started a few months ago. It's not perfect and I'm not perfect at it and that drives me freaking bananas. I sort of want to pull my hair out in frustration with myself. I know that I should have a little more patience with myself perhaps... but I'm sort of beyond that. I'm told that I have a lack of empathy and that definitely includes myself. Meaning I'll give anyone a little to a lot of wiggle room in some areas... but there comes a point when excuses (I'm new at this) or whatever are enough. So, this month better be different or I'm going to vote myself off my own island.

Things that Should REALLY be on a BABY Registry

2011-07-21T20:07:00.009-05:00

Okay, so when I first found out my boss was carrying her first child I threw together these pictures of things that should really be on a baby registry because I thought there was some element of truth for those of us with children already and because it amused the hell out of me.

Valium... for us or for them... either way works.

Four foot tongs... you're going to need these to handle anything nasty... so you'll need these a lot with a new baby.

A "play pen" If CPS swings by you may want to say this is for the dog. This is more convincing if you actually own a dog.

This is self explanatory... also helpful if you actually own a dog.

A Hazmat suit... so many uses... not enough space to list them all.

Ear plugs... for when they just won't "shut up"

"Bottles" I don't drink... but if I did I would probably have a lot of these. :)

So, that's my twisted sense of humor.

The Things we Forget

2011-07-03T09:34:00.002-05:00

I always think about the things my children do now that are so adorable. However, due to the passing of time I'll undoubtedly forget. Such as the fact that my middle son, Dakota, calls pancakes "cancakes." Or the fact that my youngest son Daxton rocks himself in his car seat on his own. Earlier this weekend I sad a bad word and my eldest, Dustin, looked me right in the eye and said, "Excuse you." Of course this is what I say to him when he says something he's not supposed to. So, I forced to apologize because that's what you are supposed to do when you say something you aren't supposed to. :P This 4th of July weekend was full of plenty of things I'm probably going to forget and all of it was so wonderful. Dustin and his Uncle Gerald cavorted in our mini pool and had water fights. I even jumped in on this full clothed in sweat pants and all. We did smores for the first time as a famiy and tonight we did fireworks and Dustin and Dakota held sparklers for the first time. Obviously my Dad and I held their hands as well. Earlier today I took all 3 of my boys to our friend JT's house for a massive fourth of July AA blowout. My kids and I were out there for 5 hours. I kept dousing them in water to cool them off. Eventually their shirts came off. There was a bounce house. They were covered in sand, sweat, chocolate, cheetos, soda, and anything else you can imagine. They pitched a fit when it was time to go but passed out in the car on the way home. I did hose them off before we got in the house due to their dirty state of being. It's 11:00 p.m. and they are down the hall barely in bed because we did fireworks. Of course Dustin had to use the restroom five minutes ago and so they are both awake. Daxton JUST passed out beside me. And my house is only half clean. My house has paid the price with all the fun we've had this summer. The house cleaning has completely fallen by the wayside. :P I've had so much fun spending time outdoors with the boys. I believe they've also really enjoyed it as well. Happy 4th of July everyone.

The World According to Dax

2011-06-29T00:30:00.001-05:00

Life rules when you wake up and party with Mom on a Wednesday night. Dax woke up and we hung out. He's got it so rough... hang out with Mommy, cuddle with Mommy, play with brothers. He lays on the ground in what I call his sphinx pose and watches the world around him. You can tell that he's anxious to get up and join the fun of his older brothers. I have to say that of all my children Dax is probably the most spoiled and yes it's because he's the baby. I never really believed that until I had my own 'baby' of the family. But, just like my other babies, he'll get away with murder cause I'm a push over. :)

This is an ultimate favorite...

If you see this guy, run, he's armed and dangerous.

I'm contemplating what to do next.

Oh yeah... smile

This Week So Far: NO Casualties of War

2011-06-11T11:59:00.002-05:00

So, I have to tell this story because it was out if left field. I was too aggravated last weekend to really discuss this on my blog because I would not have had anything nice to say. So, last Friday my husband thought that the cat was looking a little under the weather (later found out she was probably a little dehydrated) and he decided that it must be fleas biting her that is making her look sick. So he grabbed the DOG flea medication and put it on the cat sometime Friday during the day. DOG flea medication? Yes, that's what I said... anyway around 10 p.m. I was looking at the cat and she was drooling uncontrollably. I thought she had an infected tooth because when I inspected her mouth she kept pulling her face away like she was in pain. Anyway, about 2 hours later around midnight I heard something pound on my bedroom door. So, I went into the hallway and my cat was foaming at the mouth. A few moments later I saw her having seizures. I freaked out (my husband was at work at this time). I rounded up the kids (barefoot and still in diapers) and threw them in the car. We went to the ER vet and ended up spending $500 to correct this blunder. I was so pissed I couldn't even see straight. Now that the cat is fine I can find some humor in the situation. However, I would NOT recommend this as a way to get on your wife's good side.

Dakota also left his mark twice this week by pooping in his pants after I put him to bed and then proceeding to stick his hands in it and then smeared it all over his bed. Then second time he did it he got a spanking. He also threw and entire bag of crackers into my briefcase all over my work laptop. That was awesome.

A Math Formula They Forgot to Teach Us

2011-05-30T12:55:00.007-05:00

Now, I would like to consider myself a reasonably rational person. I've even been told that I'm a pretty calm person the majority of the time. Unless of course you are my husband, then this is not applicable. :) I personally feel that there has been a serious oversight in the education of children concerning a small mathematical formula that should be taught in every school across the nation if not the world. Of course I can only speak for myself in such instances. However, I feel that it is a universal theory that could be applied to millions of situations. Here is the formula that I am referring to:

My Children + The Amount of Time, Effort, and My Ability to Clean the Mess = My Level of Irritation or Rage at Said Mess

Thus, whatever mess my children make + my ability to get rid of said mess is directly proportional to the level of aggravation within me... for instance please refer to the following examples (2).

Baby Powder on Chair

Baby Powder also on TV/Dresser

More Shots

On the Chair

Now, in the case of the above example, powder on the chair and dresser/TV, this does not incite much of a response from me. This is due to the fact that I was able to clean this up in minutes. A little windex and paper towels for the TV and dresser, some water for the chair (fabric) and poof it was gone. You can also tell I was amused because I took a picture.

Permanent Marker on the Tile Floor

Now, one might think this next example would cause me more aggravation because its Permanent Marker. However, this one was actually faster to clean up. I sprayed bleach on it, let it sit, and simply wiped it up moments later. Again you can tell it amused me because I took a picture.

HOWEVER, today Dakota put Permanent Marker on my COUCH. He's lucky he's still breathing. Luckily, I got the majority of the blue maker out with nail polish remover. However, Dakota got a serious spanking and it was then immediately time for him to go take a nap. It didn't even piss me off that he scribbled on my glass table with the same marker. WHY? Because I was able to get it off. Of course, I sincerely frown on his usage of permanent marker and do discipline him when he begins getting into trouble. However, it was definitely the couch that took the cake. God, I was so PISSED. And no I did not take a picture. Remember: Kids + Amount of Mess = Level of Aggravation in Parents. :)

25 Reasons My Life is like a Frat Party

2011-04-10T10:48:00.002-05:00

1. Gravity always seems to be a challenge. 2. Hand-eye coordination seems to be completely unreliable. 3. Going to the restroom is always a group endeavor. 4. Random brawls are a frequent occurrence. 5. If someone emits a belch or has flatulence this is cause for hysterical laughter. 6. For some reason unbeknownst to you, the floor is sticky. 7. There are random food wrappers scattered throughout the immediate area. 8. What often appears to be a good idea to those involved is extremely dangerous or idiotic to those with a more sober perspective. 9. The dancing is exceptionally bad and yet somehow endearing. 10. It seems that everyone constantly has the munchies. 11. Every mess probably contains some form of bodily fluid. 12. Privacy is an elusive myth perpetuated by cruel outsiders. 13. The party always seem to congregate in close proximity to any female. 14. Everyone's cup always seems to be mysteriously empty. 15. The speech of the cohabitants is often slurred and difficult to understand. 16. Tread carefully else you may trip over items that have to business being out in the open. 17. Drinking and driving is strongly discourage but frequently occurs. 18. Silverware is a confusing and challenging prospect. 19. No one appears to know how to dress and every individual's style is unique and very questionable. 20. There is definitely a preoccupation with anything phallic in nature. 21. Everyone definitely has an oral fixation. 22. The preference of every individual in attendance is to roam around shirtless. 23. Someone is always wondering who is going to make the next food or drink run. 24. The toilet seat is never down. 25. Hygiene is an ambiguous term.

The Epitome of Gross

2011-03-13T13:10:00.003-05:00

If you have a weak stomach, please do not read this post... thanks..

WOW!! I know that my boys are gross by nature. That is what they are supposed to be... however some days it just amazes me how gross they can be. I believe that motherhood and a strong stomach go hand in hand. If anyone told me how gross it would be I may have gotten a cat... no I'm kidding... I love them despite them being gross.

Okay... so let's see what happened today... I got the boys up... Dakota and liquid poop all over him on the outside of his diaper and he proceeds to stick his hand in it... gross.... so... clean him up. Dax also had poop. This is normal even the little ones do poop. So, I got them both cleaned up... Dustin is potty trained thank God.

Then Dustin decides he and brother are going outside to play. This is fine... they have everything they could want outside. Outside they immediately become covered in dirt and chalk (chalk to draw on our pavement). After awhile outside Dustin decides he's going to brush his teeth outside. I walk by the window and both boys are holding toothbrushes and the toothpaste. WTF? Okay, so I go and grab the toothpaste... they can brush their teeth outside... probably won't hurt anyone... but let's leave some toothpaste for the rest of the family. So, now we have added toothpaste to the mix. Mmmmm dirt and toothpaste... yummy combo. In the MEANTIME while they are becoming covered in dirt I am now washing all bedding in their room... they are covered in pee. Gross. I've also now cleaned the toilet which is also covered in pee because Dustin and his Dad I assume cannot keep it inside the toilet because it is too difficult. I go back to retrieve my children as its time to eat. Dakota has liquid shit all over the back of his pants and shirt. Dustin is covered in dirt and proceeds to tell me he's not dirty... yeah right. Kota goes straight into the shower because this is a mess I'll use 3 packages of baby wipes to clean up. His clothes go straight into the washing machine. Dustin puts his dirt covered hands all over my clean bathroom... it now looks like someone put brown hand and foot prints all over the place. Okay... get Dakota rinses off so I can actually put some soap on his scrubby ass. He proceeds to scream the entire time. Dustin manages to clean himself for the most part. Once I finally get them both cleaned off it's time to eat. I fix them both something to eat. Dakota flings it all over the floor and gets it all over his body... arms, legs, face, hands, and feet. Gross. So, I get him cleaned up... then it's time for a nap. I have the urine infested blankets that are not yet washed (I've done 3 loads and made the beds with their sheets and comforters but some of the bedding is not yet done as they like to sleep with smaller fluffy blankets) on the floor. Dakota lays on it insisting he has to sleep with it. I drag him off and put him in his playpen. Dustin is also crying because his favorite blanket is not yet washed. Where is Daxton in all of this? He's been going with me from room to room attempting to correct the carnage his older two brothers have done to the house throughout the week. Thank God he can't crawl, walk, or make TRUE messes yet. He spits up and poops... but that's so mild compared to his older brothers it's unreal.
What's also awesome... the day is only half over... but they aren't going back outside. F that.

My 3 Sons

2011-03-05T09:11:00.007-06:00

I thought I would post some pictures of my 3 boys. These are the first ones where I have all 3 of them in one set of pictures. I'm thinking that I may force Darrell to accompany me to my Dad's tomorrow night where I can get some pictures of all 5 of us. That would be amazing. Yes, I think I may just do that. But for now... here are the pix of my 3 midgets.

Kota pouting again...

Awwww.

This one is my favorite.

Gimme... I want to hold him.

Kota gets to hold Dax and smoosh his head.

Smoosh the head.

I love my babies.

Dakota's 2nd Birthday

2011-03-05T08:56:00.012-06:00

I'm almost 2 months late in posting the pictures from Dakota's 2nd birthday. However, I thought that I would include them anyway. It was a lot of fun and we had our new addition in attendance although he slept through the entire event. Dakota was largely unconcerned with opening his presents as he was at Christmas. However, he did seem to take to his Tigger.

Dakota and Tigger.

Dakota pouting about something.

Dakota heading for the sippy cup... probably what he was pouting about.

Dustin getting into the presents.

Sup?

Party Favors!

Daddy helps to open presents as does Dustin.

Kota supervises the opening of presents.

Bittersweet

2011-03-05T08:45:00.002-06:00

I'm returning to work on Monday March 7, 2011. I have mixed emotions regarding my return. On the one hand I'm extremely excited to get back to working again. I really enjoy my job and learning about General Accounting. I even have a business trip scheduled a week from Tuesday where I'll be gone for 4 1/2 days. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to learn new things while I'm in Kalamazoo. I'm sick in that I missed doing Journal Entries while I've been on maternity leave. HOWEVER, both returning to work and going away for a few days is very bittersweet. I'm going to miss my baby so much. It's going to be hard to be away from him when he's basically been with me 24-7. It's also going to be hard to be away from my boys during my business trip. So, on the one hand I'm really looking forward to returning while on the other hand I'm sad to be away from my boys. I'm sure its perfectly natural and once I get back into the routine of working again that my emotions will level out.

Hooray for Wal.mart!

2011-02-04T12:58:00.002-06:00

Just when you think it couldn't get any colder... North Texas weather decides that we need some more snow. So, it snowed like six inches this morning on top of the already snowy atmosphere. Now I'm beginning to wonder if we will actually be able to fly out tomorrow at all. Of course just by looking at the roads I can already surmise that it's going to take 2-3 hours just to drive to the airport since I'm going to have to drive 25 miles/hour the whole way there. So, tomorrow should be fun along with how much fun this week has already been. :P I should finish cleaning the house today before I head out of town. However, my oldest son just asked to go night-night and take a nap. Who am I to argue with nap logic? Exactly. Now if Daxton will just pass out we'll all take a nap. Hopefully a long one. ;) I won't hold my breath. Yesterday I was griping about how claustrophobic I feel in this house. Luckily though I was almost out of formula and thus was forced to endure the horrible weather and venture to Wal.mart. Thank God they are always open because I was able to get Daxton what he needs and Mommy was able to get out of the house before I ended up drowning myself. :P So, sometimes we all just need to get out of the house even for ten minutes. Although because of the horrendous road conditions it actually took me closer to an hour. :) Stay safe everyone!!

What Else??

2011-02-03T16:27:00.003-06:00

So, this week has been a war zone in terms of the weather. We have had the coldest snow storm North Texas has seen in decades. So, we've been home bound for days which is awesome. Being stuck in the house with small children who need to get out and exercise has been a blast. I'm sure we'll end up being cooped up on Friday as well. Luckily for the boys and I we fly out Saturday to go to Phoenix for 11 days. So, at least regardless of the weather there is an end in sight for us.
So, let's discuss the events of this week which has made it one of the most expensive as well as arduous weeks I have encountered recently. Let's see... I dropped my phone in water. Thus, I had to pay $89 to get my Droid replaced (that was the deductable for the insurance I already pay for monthly). Then our heater went out. On the coldest day in history... so that was awesome. So, we had to pay 1.5K to replace the entire heater. On Wednesday our power went out 3x. Which was super awesome. Oh yeah and on Tuesday night my dog ran away. She was gone for 36 hours. I was sure she was dead. Luckily I found her today and when my sister in law happened to spot her while she was outdoors smoking a cigarette. Our shower pipe is frozen as a result of the no heat so we can't take showers. Only time will tell if its completely busted. Of course we won't know that until it's thawed and has caused several thousand dollars worth of damage to my house. So, I'm looking forward to that. So, it's definitely been a long week. I should probably just go back to work so I can avoid all of these things going wrong since they only seem to have been happening since I've been on maternity leave. Go figure. :{
Let's not talk about the fact that my house is very claustrophobic at this point because there are so many of us under one roof. Seriously, I think we're all about two feet from pummeling each other. Perhaps its only me... but I know that I'm getting stir crazy. 4 adults, 3 kids, a dog, and cat living under my roof are FAR too many during a snow storm when we have absolutely no outlet. Of course at least now we are all warm and safe. Smelly since we can't take showers... but safe.
Actually we are fixin' to brave the roads and head to my Dad's house so I can take a shower and bathe my children.

Daxton William Duke

2011-01-25T15:24:00.007-06:00

Well, Daxton William Duke was born on January 7th, 2011 at 1:18 p.m. weighing a whopping 8.9 lbs and measuring 20.5 inches long. He is so adorable. He is definitely the largest infant I've given birth to. Ironically, despite being the smallest Dakota was my second largest. Dustin was the smallest weighing two pounds less than his youngest brother. There are a lot of males in my life. :P I must say that I have not quite adjusted to being the mother of 3 boys. I feel like I'm having a lot of difficulty finding my rhythm. I wanted to use this time to spend it with Dakota as well as Daxton. I knew that I intended on taking Dustin to preschool because I feel like it's more important that he learn and prepare for kindergarten than to stay home with me. However, it has been exceedingly difficult because I've also been taking Dakota to daycare as well during the day. So, I'm basically paying for full time childcare for both of them and not spending extra time with either of them because my schedule is all jacked from being with Daxton throughout the night. I've been pumping and feeding Daxton formula to make sure that he is getting enough food. Normally he sleeps really well during the day of course and some nights he just wants to hang out. He woke me up at 4 a.m. the other night and after eating was pissed off because the lights were out. We came out to my living room and I turned on the tv. He spent an hour watching the lights. I'm like... you woke me up so we could watch tv? Seriously? Luckily for Dax he's already used to the loud noises and the loud toys that his brothers have because he doesn't really have too much difficulty sleeping when they are home. I'm hoping that I'm able to get on a schedule where I can have Dakota home during the day. But, Daxton is almost three weeks old and I haven't gotten there yet. I guess I should be patient. My nephew was born 4 days after Daxton on January 11, 2011 weighing around 6 lbs and measuring 20 inches. My sister is solely breast feeding Riley and it sounds like she's having a hell of a time with it. Her son is keeping her up at all hours and all this other crap. Having the combination of breast milk and formula is definitely the way to go for my kids. It keeps them fuller for a longer period of time and they reep the benefits of both worlds. I would lose my freaking mind if Dax was doing that to me. There's no way... and be up to get up with my other two... I doubt it. But, I'm very grateful that Dax is here even though I haven't completely adjusted. I'm sure we'll get there. It's not like a competition. I finally was able to get my house totally cleaned today. Mainly because I attempted it on Sunday when all the boys were home and that was counterproductive. Perhaps if I didn't have Dakota throwing everything everywhere then it would be a different story. :P

Got Milk?

Check out my Shark hairdo.

Night Night.

Angel Face.

Love my Munchie.

Thank God for R&R

2010-12-17T23:08:00.003-06:00

I just realized that it's been a ridiculously long time since I've blogged. I've done a lot over the last two months and have not really documented any of it. I suppose most importantly I attended my sister's baby shower in early November. That was quite an event and my sister got so much crap for my new nephew that I'm reasonably sure that child has more shit than all three of mine combined. :P That's probably not true but close. :) It was awesome to see my sister pregnant and so happy.
I went back to Phoenix with my little boys two weeks later for Thanksgiving and spent that time with my family. That was also a very nice trip where I got to spend more time than I usually do with my family. I love them lots and so was grateful for the time we got together.
Now, we're about a week out from Christmas and a lot of construction will be going on tomorrow. My Aunt is driving down to paint the boys room so we can move both boys into the same room and make room for the new addition. Meanwhile my husband, his brother, and his friend will be putting up the swing set in the backyard. Then we'll have all those men move the new furniture into the bedroom. I'm excited to see the finished product. I'll have to try and take before and after pictures.
The only thing I really need done once the other room is completed is to have the crib put together. Then I think we'll be ready to have a baby. Thank God someone is coming to clean my house for me on Monday cause there's no way I could do that right now.
I swear I have been so sore and in a lot of pain during this pregnancy. I finally threw in my wussy card this week and asked to be put on medical leave. It sucks being a spectator in my own life. Meaning I'm watching all these great changes go on in my household... meanwhile I sit on the sidelines. It's been really hard limping around for the last month to try and hold my own. But, I think I did pretty well considering. The unfortunate thing is that the older I get the less tolerance I have for sucking it up. When I had two herniated discs I sucked it up so long I had two REALLY bad herniated discs and obviously needed surgery. My surgeon was impressed with the size of the herniated discs in my back. So, I've learned that if you keep pushing eventually you will seriously injure yourself. Therefore, it's probably more wisdom than anything to figure out when its time to take a sideline. Luckily, the game will be there as soon as I can pick it up again. Today was my first full day on FMLA and I have to say it was so amazing to not be completely sore and stiff at the end of the day. I am still in pain, but not nearly as much as I was sitting in one position for the majority of the day. I ended up going over to my Dad's house since he's on medical leave as well due to shoulder surgery. We hung out and watched cable and relaxed. I took my boys to daycare this morning knowing that I wanted to truly get the R&R. It was bizarrely quiet in my house due to the lack of children, thus the reason I went to my Dad's house to relax. So, tomorrow the house will be a zoo. But, I'll watch as everyone else busts their butt... ironically its usually the other way around. :)

Finding Jesus

2010-10-20T23:49:00.002-05:00

I'm going to keep this quick since it's late and I have a doctor's appointment, work, and then hanging out with the boys in my forecast tomorrow. So, I've been thinking about venturing back into Church for awhile now. And the C word is almost like a bad word in my memory bank basically due to my Catholic upbringing. I can't tell you how much I DO NOT want to raise my children in that religion and scare the crap out of them about God and such. HOWEVER, taking my kids to AA meetings on Sunday is not really going to cut it either since they do talk about things in those meetings that is a little too advanced for small children, etc. It's just not an appropriate place to bring up my children. Not that it's bad its just not situationally appropriate for my offspring. Perhaps if/when they have a problem with alcohol then obviously that's the path I'll encourage them to take. In the meantime, I've been contemplating going to a non-denominational church close to home so I can begin to teach my children about the God that saved my butt 7 years ago when I got sober. So, I googled some non-denominational churches where I live and came up with Full Gospel Family Worship Center http://fullgospeldenton.net/. Lucky for me they had a service this evening at 7:00 p.m. and so I was able to go check it out while my hubby watched the boys. I learned that the religious education is free for children, so my oldest would be able to attend while I listen to services. But, the most important thing I saw tonight was a positive and loving message being conveyed about God. Not that everything is warm and fluffy but I want my kids to grow up knowing a loving God not the fire and brimstone one I learned about growing up. I figure if God loves his children half as much as I love mine then the fire and brimstone definition doesn't fit. God should be the definition of love in its purest form and I was happy that the message I heard tonight conveyed that message. That's what I was looking for. I've almost got Darrell dialed into coming to at least one service with me next week. But, the boys are going because I can make them do that. :P The people were extremely nice and I look forward to bringing my runts with me next week.

100 Random Things About Me

2010-10-09T21:46:00.003-05:00

1. My favorite number is 7.
2. My favorite color is blue.
3. I love On the Border and have been a die-hard fan for about 12 years.
4. My favorite drink is Dr. Pepper, but since I'm pregnant I prefer Coke (in moderation).
5. My favorite TV shows of all time include Law and Order, Law and Order SVU, Law and Order Criminal Intent, and my ultimate favorite is Grey's Anatomy.
6. I have dual citizenship in both Germany and the U.S. since I was born on a U.S. military base in Germany. No, I do not speak German... my parents are completely American.
7. One of my favorite toys to play with as a child was a calculator in the basement of my Grandparent's house, fitting that I now work in Accounting.
8. My God is a lot more tolerant and loving than the one I was taught about in the Catholic church.
9. My Mom bought me a horse when I was 12, his name was Reo and he was a Palomino.
10. My ULTIMATE favorite toys as a child were Barbie's and My Little Ponies.
11. I think Goonies is a timeless classic... I really need to buy that movie.
12. I own 3 computers and 3 TV's. Weird.
13. I think anyone who said that being pregnant is beautiful was on crack and has never been pregnant. It's a very gross experience. Your body does stuff that's definitely not cool under normal circumstances and is totally weird... but the end result is SOOOOOO WORTH IT!!!!
14. When I was pregnant with Dustin I craved Hot and Sour soup the entire time.
15. When I was pregnant with Dakota I craved pasta and listened to Hip Hop throughout.
16. During this pregnancy, the major cravings I've had have been milk and Coke.
17. When I was 16-17 I hated little kids.
18. When I was 16 and 17 1/2 my Mom had two more kids... this is probably why I hated little kids during this time. Hers cried ALL THE TIME.
19. Luckily I love my little brother and sister immensely. :)
20. I don't really eat breakfast foods and freak everyone out at work because I'm constantly eating soup at 8:00 a.m. Sometimes I'll eat pancakes or eggs for dinner or lunch though. I will feed my children Spaghetti O's at 7:00 a.m. because I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. If it's edible at noon, it should in theory be edible at 7:00 a.m.
21. My Dad has taught me what loving unconditionally is all about. I hope to teach my children the same lesson.
22. I lived in Hawaii between the ages of 8-12. I had a great tan for about 3.5 years.
23. I can't sleep without having a MINIMUM of four pillows. 5-6 are preferred. My hubby and I have ten on our bed.
24. My mother and I have a great relationship and I fly out to see her at least 4x a year... unless I'm pregnant then I have to allow some time for delivery and accommodate the no-traveling timeframe.
25. I'm not looking forward to travelling so frequently with three children... that will definitely be a challenge.
26. Loved the movies Avatar, Count of Monte Cristo, and Robin Hood Prince of Thieves (with Kevin Costner).
27. Worst movie I ever saw was The Age of Innocence. I don't even remember what it was about I just remember I hated it.
28. When I was in 8th grade, I read all the romance novels from Johanna Lindsey... now that I'm older I think her story lines are horrible predictable and kind of dumb... but I still have to read every one of her books.
29. My favorite reading genre is Paranormal Romance... and yes that definitely includes the Twilight saga.
30. Since I cancelled cable I rarely watch TV anymore.
31. Not surprisingly my favorite possessions are my KINDLE, laptop, and Droid.
32. I suck at crosswords... but I can handle word searches.
33. I suck at pool too... but before I quit drinking... I swear I played better after I drank.
34. It's been 2,590 days since I consumed my last drink (a little over 7 years).
35. My favorite gum flavor is Sour Apple.
36. Drinks 8-10 servings of water per day.
37. Loves that Dakota carries around his Pooh Bear constantly.
38. My favorite sound is my children laughing.
39. My favorite from Dakota are his hugs and his smiles.
40. My favorite from Dustin are the way he tries to share his blanket with me, his smiles, and when he's being sweet to Dakota.
41. Dakota gave Dustin his first loving the other day, complete with hugs and a mock kiss. It was absolutely adorable.
42. Dustin cracks me up almost daily, one of my favorites was when he shoved Dakota into the closet saying, "bye bye Kota, bye bye." (Kota got in is way).
43. My favorite smells are coffee brewing and the smell outside after it rains.
44. I prefer lakes to the ocean.
45. Since I was an army brat, I hate moving.
46. I also hate buttons.
47. My husband and I met officially for the first time at Saltgrass Steakhouse.
48. I prefer spending time with my family versus a ton of friends.
49. I'm definitely a homebody.
50. I miss catching fireflies like I did when I was a kid in Virginia.
51. I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up... I figure as long as I figure it out before my kids grow up I'm good.
52. Despite having a Masters degree and contemplating going back to school to finish my last ten classes so I can sit for my CPA, I dislike school and think it's extremely boring.
53. My kids constantly make me want to be a better person.
54. I try to accept people as they are... but sometimes that's a lot easier said than done.
55. I'm not a morning person even though I have small children.
56. Wishes we could vote certain species ON TO the endangered animal list. I would definitely vote roaches onto that list. I'd be perfectly okay if they disappeared.
57. My favorite holiday is Christmas. I think this is definitely a magical time.
58. My favorite seasons are Fall and Winter. I LOVE cuddling up in warm blankets when it's cold outside.
59. Thinks that no matter how old we get, or what situations we find ourselves in, we will always find that they have similarities to High School and the immaturity we found there.
60. Thinks getting your nails done is a necessity.
61. I voted for the first time in the last Presidential election. I did not vote for our current president.
62. I don't like watching the news because I find it extremely depressing.
63. Milky Way is my favorite candy bar, but sour Skittles or Sour Patch Kids are my favorite regular candy.
64. I eat soup at least 5x a week.
65. Mint chocolate chip ice cream is my ultimate favorite flavor.
66. Love the Longhorns (UT) because I think they have a cute logo not because of some undying love for the school.
67. I love to color and yes I color often. I am very territorial over my markers and my coloring posters. My children are not allowed near them. This is a great hobby when watching TV.
68. I almost always find the need to multitask. Hence, coloring and watching TV, singing and driving, cooking dinner and cleaning up.
69. Loves and hates it when my husband cleans. Love that he was sweet enough to make the effort... hates it because it doesn't really look clean... as in missing half the floor when mopping, etc. So, I feel the need to redo it. Sad but true.
70. The last two times I've gotten pregnant was just after I started working out and had lost weight. With Dakota, I was trying to get pregnant. This one was a surprise.
71. Thinks there are a lot of stupid people in the world. What I hate the most is when I realize I'm the one being stupid. So sad on those days.
72. Thinks sarcasm is a way of life and truly committed individuals use it daily.
73. I used to watch Star Trek all the time in middle school.
74. I swam on my HS swim team. That was a ton of fun.
75. My first job was as a lifeguard and later I taught swim lessons which was a lot of fun as well.
76. I got robbed as a teller at gunpoint. The guy ran in and jumped my counter. He got caught like an hour later. I didn't much like being a teller after that.
77. I made my own bouquets for my wedding out of silk flowers. I still have my flowers from then.
78. I had back surgery on my husband's birthday 3 years ago. I was glad to have that out of the way.
79. Cannot stand Indian food. I have tried on several occasions to like it, but to no avail.
80. I had a cat for 17.5 years from the time I was 8 until I was 26. Her name was McKenzie. I had to put her to sleep 5 weeks before I had my first child.
81. Loved playing outdoors when I was kid in Virginia. Unfortunately poison ivy also loved me. I had it at least 5 times.
82. My favorite day is Saturday because you still have one more weekend day before its time to return to work... although Friday's are a close second.
83. I've been married for five years as of yesterday October 8.
84. I love to stay up late because that's when the house is the most quiet. Although I don't make it very late.
85. My older sister and I practically got into a physical fight over a pair of jean shorts.
86. My sister is naming her son Riley Vaughn Deneau. She's due two weeks after me. Thus, all of the grandchildren will be male.
87. My favorite vehicle I ever owned was my Ford Ranger. I still miss it. Although it wouldn't be very functional at this time in my life.
88. Wouldn't mind driving a van to accommodate my offspring.
89. Favorite metals include white gold and sterling silver.
90. Favorite jewelry would have diamonds in it.
91. My favorite days of the year include 5/8 (Dustin) and 1/21 (Dakota). I'll soon have a third but am unsure what day that will be.
92. Thinks that its silly to make a big deal out of my own birthday when it's more fun to make a big deal out of my children's bdays.
93. Would love to be a stay at home Mom, but would probably last about two months before the staying home part would drive me up the wall.
94. Would suck at being a teacher or trainer because I just don't have that kind of patience except when it comes to other kids other than my own.
95. I hang out with my Dad every weekend and its one of my favorite past times.
96. I believe we should instill nap time during work.
97. Has historically gotten along better with males because they aren't as dramatic as females... so it's probably a good thing I have all boys.
98. Wants to be everything for everyone and feels like she's never going to get there.
99. Gets into trouble for never wanting to cuddle.
100. My son drinks out of the milk carton because he's caught me doing it. :P

The Rudeness of Others

2010-10-03T09:02:00.003-05:00

I have to say that I am surprised and amazed at the rudeness of others... especially to a complete stranger. What an apalling lack of manners. Last night I went grocery shopping and had promised my boys that I would take them to the park following my trip to the store. So, we left at 7ish and went to the park. At 7:49 we left the park when I thought perhaps we could go get some ice cream because it was a Saturday night and the boys and I never go out on a Saturday. Thus, observing the 8:00 p.m. bedtime not being an absolute requirement. So, I drove up to the square which has an ice cream parlor and several other shops. Being that Denton is also a college town this is a popular spot for college students this time of year. Well, I saw a pizza shop and asked Dustin if he would like pizza... to which he replied in the affirmative. So, instead of running directly to the ice cream shop we diverted to a pizza parlor. When we stepped inside it was layed out much like a coffee shop. With a small bar (where they served alcohol) and several tables in the middle for customers. I saw a downstairs section where live music was being played... obviously the more "bar" section of the facility. Most of the customers were indeed college kids or what I would presume were college kids. Anyway, I stood in line and ordered the pizza. Then we sat down and waited for our food. Dustin sat down and I placed Dakota in the high chair. I went and retrieved drinks from the soda fountain and returned to my offspring. So our food arrive about 15 minutes later. We began eating when this male was walking out the door turned to me looked at my children and stated, "Seriously? What time is it?" To which I replied that it was 8:15. He told me that I was wrong and I told him that no it was around 8:15. He pulled out his phone and proved to me that it was 8:22 p.m. To this I replied, "wow I was off by 7 minutes." I also asked him if he had created this children with me. Obviously if he had not then it was none of his damn business what I was doing with my children. For the next two minutes or so he proceeded to ask my why I was exposing my children to such an environment. I said, "we're eating pizza and then we are going home." He told me that, "he understood." I still have NO IDEA what the hell he meant by that. He also stated that he taught school at the juvenile detention center in denton. He stated he had two children to which I replied, "why wasn't he home with them." A banter of, "why are you still talking to me... and don't touch me." Yes, he had the audacity to touch my shoulder even after I asked him not to. So while he was spewing his garbage I was definitely replying in kind to his ridiculous comments. AND I didn't even cuss. It retrospect I'm so proud. I also told him that he was ignorant and needed to leave. To which he replied that I was ignorant and that he would see my children in his school. Then he left.

Now... because I am a mother and I was personally insulted on every level by this male I will state that FIRST I had never been to this pizza establishment. Thus, I was completely unaware of the fact that they had a bar downstairs. Secondly, they served pizza... its called J&J's Pizza. So, forgive me for not having ESP when I arrived to know that they had a bar in the basement. THIRDLY, it was BEFORE 8:30 on a Saturday night. It's not like I had my children in a bar at 11:30 p.m. and I was proceeding to get blitzed. This was so far from what he was actually implying it was ridiculous. Because he was all up in my mug I could tell he'd been drinking and can only think that that is the cause for his ridiculous behavior. I had not realized that there was a curfew of 7 or 8 p.m. for children under the age of 5 when they are with a parent. I also had not realized that an establishment that had "pizza" in the name was a place of ill-repute for young children. Finally, I never take my children out on a Saturday night and thought that since we'd had so much fun at the park that we could continue for a little while longer. Obviously this thought process makes me completely retarded as a parent. I suppose there's a reason I don't venture too far from my comfort zone. I must say that being at home is much more comfortable to me. However, my children also get bored being home all weekend and obviously enjoy some stimulation. The Rudeness of Others does amaze me.

It's a boy x2!

2010-09-04T10:03:00.005-05:00

Okay, well I'm a little over a week behind in getting this posted. And over two weeks behind in one case. I'm happy to report that my sister is having a boy which she found out of August 16, 2010. My sister and brother in law have not determined a name yet and I will post that immediately once it has been relayed to me. Of course I do not have the gender determination sono pix from her yet but I will also post those once I have those.

From the heading I'm sure you have gathered that we are having another boy as well. It would appear that my husband and I are quite adept at producing male children. In keeping with our current theme with our male children we have determined that he will be name Dalton William.

Darrell Wayne (husband)
Dylan Wayne (step-son)
Dustin Wayde (son)
Dakota Weber (son)
Dalton William (incubating)

Profile Shot

No Clue what this is.

Another profile shot and the foot.

Chow

2010-08-12T20:22:00.002-05:00

I regret to say that my Chow Chow has been saying 'Chow' to us a lot lately. She's been running away constantly by either jumping our chainlink fence or by running away when she's let out to go potty. Everytime she came home I would find her in the backyard. So, I figured she just wanted to go out in the backyard. So, I reopened up the doggie door (she got cut off because she can jump the fence). Of course she began jumping the fence and running all over the neighborhood. So, I figured I had to buy her a chain if she really wanted to be outside during the day. Why the hell she would want to be outside during this heat is beyond me... but whatever. I've been doing my best to accomodate her. Of course now she acts like she's going to the slaughter every time we take her outside. I'm completely at a loss because tonight I told my husband to let her off the chain to come inside when I got home from work... what'd she do? Ran away... played in traffic... and the neighbors came by to tell me she was playing in traffic. Now, I'm a horrible pet parent because normally I refuse to go find her when I know she'll come home anyway when I have both my children. I'm sorry running around the neighborhood after a dog with two kids in tow and one on the way is not my idea of fun. So, I tossed the kids in the car and went after her. Finally I found her... but seriously... I have no idea what to do to have her feel she's got some freedom and fresh air and keep her safe at the same time.

We're Both Having Sea Horses!

2010-07-26T22:21:00.007-05:00

Well, its official... my sister and I are both having sea horses from the look of the sono pix. My sister just emailed me her new sono pix, so I thought that I would post them here. She's currently 14 weeks and may even have her gender identification appointment before me. That would be so fun for her. I think her sono pix are much better than mine... maybe I should go to her OB... although that's two states away. Pretty sure I wouldn't make that if I went into labor. Oh well! These are pix of my adorable niece or nephew. So weird that I have a niece/nephew... so cool cause I've never had one before. :)

This one looks much more like a baby than the blob photos I posted first. Too cute. It looks remarkably like mine.

I couldn't see what this picture was at first... amazing 3D pic of the back of the baby... so adorable.

Not sure why there's a picture of cord insertion... but I'm guessing that's a good thing.

This one looks very alien like... also very much like mine... they must be cousins.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! All cozied up.

Grandpa's House and Hose Adventures

2010-07-18T00:36:00.015-05:00

This morning started off a little rough... we were supposed to have swim lessons for both Dustin and Dakota (these started last Saturday when we were out of town). When we showed up Dustin and Dakota were both not on the lists for their classes. And then I find out that regardless of that fact Dustin's class was not being offered because not enough kids signed up for that time slot. I was livid. I asked the chick what the hell I was supposed to do with him while I took Dakota swimming. So, we ended up just leaving because the whole thing was blown if I couldn't get them both in the water. I do not envy the person I will be speaking with on Monday morning. Due to the fact that I had been telling Dustin that we would be going swimming all morning he was incredibly upset to be told that we were going home. I was still incredibly aggravated. The dog ran away temporarily and when she got home she was covered in mud. Beautiful!! She tracked mud throughout my house. She was also on my shitlist. So, as I lay down to take a nap I started speculating.... why not kill two birds with one stone? I decided that I could give the dog a bath in my Dad's yard (since that's where we always head after our Saturday nap) and let Dustin frolick in the water whilst doing so. He had an amazing time. Dakota did not like the hose and screamed bloody murder when we sprayed him. So, we filled up a bottle of water and he had a blast playing with that. Below are some pix from this afternoon.

Dakota picking up his bottle.

MMMMM, water.

Water was rejected.

Dustin was nice enough to give my car a shower.

He did such a good job.

What's with the tongue hanging out??

A future fireman?

He got so into watering the car.

The infamous Bobot underwear.

My pride and joy.

And then of course once I got the boys inside and bathed we had a wonderful dinner because my Dad is an awesome cook. And Dustin made something else besides a cake with his legos. He made a gun... wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. :) LOL! Dakota also took his first few steps. It was an absolutely wonderful Saturday after all.

July Phoenix Trip

2010-07-18T00:17:00.007-05:00

Last Friday night we left to go to Phoenix and visit my Mom, Step-Dad, and siblings. While we were in Phoenix visiting my Mom decided to spoil the kids with some toys they could keep at her house. Dakota now has another walk-n-ride in Phoenix and spent most of the weekend playing with it. Dustin got a big wheel which is significantly cooler than the trike he has at home because this one plays music. Of course Grandma decided he needed sun glasses to accompany his cool new wheels. He had a lot of fun driving around Grandma's spacious downstairs on his new toy. It was a good thing they had these toys because it was way too hot to play outside being that it was like 115 degrees in Phoenix while we were there. We had a lot of fun hanging out with the family. It's always really sad to leave because we have so much fun. I'm looking forward to making another trip in November. My Mom humored me and went with me to buy Hot and Sour soup from my favorite Chinese place while were there. I also went to one of my brother's basketball games and watched him. It was a great time.

Kick, Kick, Kick

2010-07-16T22:19:00.002-05:00

When I was pregnant with my first son, Dustin, I first felt him kick on November 26, 2005 at 9:30 in the morning. I was so excited to feel my first child let me know that they were hanging out in there. When I was pregnant with my second son, Dakota, I felt him kick for the first time on July 26, 2008 at 11:09 p.m. I felt him much sooner than I did in the pregnancy than with my first son because by that point I knew what I was looking for. Finally, while pregnant with my third (son/daughter???) I felt him/her kick for the first time last Friday July 9, 2010 at 6:35 p.m. My only problem is that I was on an airplane. That is such a pain in the ass because now I have to freaking remember time zones. Seriously? :) :) :) It's not enough the I memorize the time and the date. So, I felt him/her kick at 6:35 Arizona time, and 8:35 CST. My other two *first* kicks were also CST. :) I'm such a dork its ridiculous.

Sleep... My Elusive Little Friend

2010-07-14T23:44:00.003-05:00

Do you ever have those days when sleep seems elusive?? I woke up this morning with a lot on my mind and that was 4:00 a.m. I could not fall back asleep. It was so frustrating, finally I just rolled out of bed and went to work. There have been a lot of changes at work; some people were let go, etc. With that comes a period of transition and readjustment. I myself was contemplating a lot of these changes this morning and I'm pretty sure that's why sleep was so elusive. It was really annoying on the sleep front. I know that I'm being really vague here... but some of the changes have not been announced publicly and I sure don't want to post anything that would cause trouble for myself or others.
I'm excited during this transition phase because I have the opportunity to learn new things and I have been completely craving that for awhile now. So, that is so completely wonderful I can't even describe it to you. At the same time its a bit overwhelming. The moral of that story is... be careful what you wish for becuase you just might get it. :P
On the other hand there has been some discordance with everything as well and its definitely distressing to see those waves move outward among people I care about. I know that sometimes change is for the better. But, sometimes I wish that the waves weren't so large for those people I care about. It's difficult to see people you have been around for awhile feel distressed and extremely upset. On that note... back to trying to sleep. :P

Baby Number 3 - More Sono Pictures

2010-07-06T16:19:00.006-05:00

So, on Thursday July 1st I went in for the genetic screening and got some more sonogram pictures. I haven't gotten the results back from the genetic screening but when we did the sono she said everything looked good. Below are the sono pix. :)

Walk-N-Ride

2010-07-04T21:14:00.011-05:00

Okay, so we have purchased several toys for Dakota for his first Christmas as well as his first birthday. However, it always seems like these toys seem to be taken over by my oldest son.. I noticed that Dakota was pushing our chairs around the house like he was using a walker. (Not the kind where they sit in them). Anyway, the next day I took him to daycare... and he beelined for the walk-n-ride that she had there. She told me that he pushes it around all day. Obviously I decided that he had to have one. I had never really seen him take an interest in one thing. Therefore, I decided he needed it. In addition, I've also noticed that he's constantly try to steal Dustin's shoes and put them on ihs own feet. So, this weekend was more about satisfying Dakota's needs than anyone else's. Of course once I brought home the walk-n-ride it has been a constant struggle to keep Dustin off of it so that Dakota can play with it. It is seriously too small for Dustin but that doesn't stop him from riding it. Dakota loves to walk behind it and ride it. It's so adorable I had to take some pictures. I also took a video and you can see that Dustin jacks it as soon as Dakota got off. So typical of how things happen here in the Duke household. :P

Look at that smile.

It makes cool sounds.

Reaching for the sky... or the fan. :)

Dustin had just come over and given Dakota a hug. AWWWW.

Dustin was pretending he was a plane.

Look at THAT face.

I'm moving now.

Upclose pic of the spiffy new shoes... which of course Dakota adores. He loves them!! He was staring at his feet for like a half hour when we first bought them. :)

Doing tricks.

Again with the sounds. :)

Darrell's Bday Dinner

2010-07-04T21:07:00.008-05:00

On June 19th, 2010 we all went to Red Lobster to celebrate my husband's 35th birthday. I only took pictures right before we were seated, but I figured I would post them here despite that. We got pictures with all four of the Duke's. (My husband and his three boys). My children and my step-son. Of course my Dad was also in attendance because he's at every important occasion. Darrell's friend Scott also joined the special event. :) We had a wonderful time despite the exurberant bill. :)

Scott and Dylan.

Darrell and Dustin.

Grandpa and Dakota.

Get ready for the 'D's... Dylan, Darrell, Dakota, and Dustin... did I mention my Dad's name is Dale? lols.

Again with Dylan, Darrell, Dakota, and Dustin.

Dustin's Bday Party

2010-07-04T20:54:00.011-05:00

So, I'm extremely late in posting this because I was so late in loading the pictures from my camera onto my computer. On Saturday May 15, 2010 we celebrated Dustin's fourth birthday. It was definitely hard to believe that four years ago on May 8th, 2006 I gave birth to my first beautiful little boy. He's been such a pleasure and such a joy for the past few years. I'm incredibly lucky to hae been blessed to have him in my life. He has such an amazing spirit. He is so much fun to be around and frequently makes me laugh. His birthday party was a Bobot (Transformers) theme and he loved everything about it. He definitely loved his Bobot gifts. Michelle, Alena, and my Dad all came out to help us celebrate. Here are some of the pictures from his big day.

Dustin opens up Bumble Bee present... (that's a Transformer).

Bumble Bee... he LOVES this toy.

Opening some markers.

Found more presents. :)

Michelle and Alena.

Opening presents.

Bobot theme.

Blowing out candles on the Bobot cake.

Jack in the Box

2010-06-27T01:15:00.002-05:00

So, tonight I was on the phone with my sister which was fun. She was telling me that she went to the doctor yesterday and heard the heartbeat and they said that everything was looking good. So, that's a relief. I go in for my genetic testing on Thursday. So, I'm a little nervous about that. My sister and I were talking about the stuff she would need for the baby. It was really awesome to be able to share some of my experiences with her. Thank GOODNESS she agreed with me on a lot of points. For example, she had already deemed the diaper genie and the baby wipe warmer non-essential items. I told her a bassinet was also probably a waste of money. She told me she'd been looking at the pack and plays that have the bassinet with it. I told her that's exactly what I would suggest because then you can use as a bassinet at first and then later as a playpen. So, it definitely serves two purposes and you definitely get more of your money's worth out of it. But, I think the best part of the conversation came when she told me she was craving Jack in the Box and the closest one she knew of was like 20 miles away. I told her surely there must be one closer and I googled it since I had my laptop up. Sure enough there was one closer. I had to call the location to get their exact cross-roads as they were not listed on the website. But, when I called my sister back she was extremely grateful that I found her a closer Jack in the Box because that's what she's been craving. So glad I could at least do something small for my preggers sis.

Not my Blob Photos

2010-06-18T11:19:00.002-05:00

Since I posted my own blob photos of our most recent addition. I figured it would be only fair that I post my new niece or nephew blob photos on here as well. I might get in trouble for this. However, my sister has had her own struggles with infertility and the fact that she's pregnant is such a blessing. And that we are pregnant at the same time is completely wonderful. So, here's my little niece or nephew. My sister always told me she might name her daughter Katrina. So, we'll call this Kat 1 photo and Kat 2 photo (two sono pix).

Grrrrr and a Little MORE Grrrr

2010-06-14T00:02:00.003-05:00

Do you ever just have those days that everyone and anything gets on your damn nerves? I felt that way several times today. I also feel like I was throwing myself a damn pity party and that gets on my nerves even more.

I was briefly speaking with my husband regarding my HPV and told him that I didn't think I had cancer because I had the cells before that. His response, "you better hope you don't have cancer." Wow! Um, wow! I don't even think words could describe how pissed off that made me. I'm still so aggravated I could spit. And he also stated that if I go that there's a lot of money in it for him. Wow... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Seriously! I know he was just trying to be funny. Here's my husband... something starts to go wrong with me and he turns into a retard. It's like he has freaking word vomit and turns into a mess. It's like something major is happening to me and I have to comfort him. He's like an overgrown child.

And then there's my family... I have the best family in the world. I do. Nobody can say that more than me. Truly, they are miracles. My parents are amazing as well as my siblings and my Aunt. They are all amazing despite the recent drama with them. (Too long of a story)... but I feel like I have little cracks in me that I'm not allowed to show especially because of my husband. I'm really scared. I'm just scared.

I guess my problem is I am being an overgrown child right now because I want to throw a tantrum. And I think everyone thinks I'm either too mature and I definitely don't want to freak out my kids. But, do you ever want to just throw a really big freaking tantrum? I've been reading a few blogs and have some people close to me that constantly throw tantrums... and I wonder if I can have a turn. Just when I think I might get the chance, it passes. So, here goes... here's MY TANTRUM... where the fuck are the people in MY LIFE telling me its going to be okay? Oh wait... I think my Mom said something along those lines earlier. DAMMIT! I can't even throw myself a decent and valid pity party. Lame. Cause the truth is most people are that way in my life. I just don't have any female family members here right now to hug me and tell me it will be okay.

What a crappy post.

A Little Too Much Perfect

2010-06-09T18:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I went to the doctor for my third child's first sonogram and he/she's beautiful. The heartbeat is 170 beats a minute and I was dead on accurate in determining my due date of January 9th. Below are the sonogram pictures of my newest little blob. He or she is developing wonderful. Except for the fact that I gained 7 pounds in a little over two weeks. I've been drinking WAY too much milk. Cause I'll through like half a gallon... so I'll need to switch back to water to keep the weight thing under control. Although my doctor didn't really say anything much about the weight... so I guess it's not that big of a concern. Actually, come to think of it I neglected to ask her why I've been more short of breath with this pregnancy than with the others... but I got a little sidetracked.

As my Aunt jokingly told me when I told her this news... she said you've had way too much perfect... time for you to have a little drama. To which I responded that she was right. Evidently I have HPV and some pre-cancerous cells. I'll have to have another pap smear in a few weeks to determine the level of pre-cancerous cells. Apparently there are three levels. Type I, II, and III. They are already sure that I have Type I and Type II. However, we're not sure if I have III. I guess the higher you get the closer you are to cancer. HOWEVER, even if I had cancer falling out everywhere the absolute worst case scenario would be to give me a hysterectomy and take everything out including the baby. HOWEVER, she does not believe I have cancer so therefore that is probably a shot in the dark. More than likely I will have to have a portion of my cervix removed after I've healed from having the baby and I'll have to watch this carefully... meaning lots of pap smears. Personally I think this is just an excuse to put me in those stirrups cause they must know I hate them. ;P Anyway, that's all my news for now. Pray for my little boo bear. If I have to have a hysterectomy at least let it be after the baby is here. Three kids is plenty and I'll be extremely grateful God blessed me with them. They are my little miracles. ;)

Boys will be Boys

2010-05-22T01:05:00.000-05:00

I neglected to post anything regarding Dustin's bday and will as soon as I download the pictures.

Well, I'm definitely surrounded by tons of boys. I kind of like it that way... that way when I'm PMSing... I'm the only one bitchy in the house. Except the dog and cat are female. So, I guess that helps even the gender score. There is definitely something to be said for being the only bitch around. I'm not really sure I had an actual point when I began this post... but I guess I'll just run with it.
I've been teaching Dakota to say, "Mom-ma." And everytime he gets it right I clap for him and applaude how amazingly brilliant my one year old son is. Well, the other day Dakota said, "Mom-ma" and started applauding himself without any prompting from me (it was first thing in the morning... and since I don't do tricks first thing in the morning I damn sure don't expect my kids to do them either). It was so adorable. He's growing up so fast. I love the way Dakota gives hugs. He simply puts his head on your lap, leg, arm, whatever... and just pauses there. Then he looks up at you and smiles and repeats this process a few more times. He's such a little angel. Don't worry... I'm enjoying this while it lasts because soon he'll be just like my other little hellion.
Speaking of my little hellion... he also does some incredibly sweet things. Like when he's laying next to me with his blankie, he give me the smallest corner of his blankie and wants to share. He takes such good care of me. And when he whacks the shit out of me doing lord knows what he always kisses my ouchies. Typically he thinks I'm a jungle gym and just jumps on me wherever. He doesn't really have a concept that he can inflict pain since I guess he thinks I'm so much bigger than him and he thinks he's tinkerbell or something. 40+ lbs of tinkerbell can definitely cause some ouchies... luckily nothing serious. He's also very sweet with his little brother and absolutely adores playing with him. It's nice to see them together because Dakota thinks his big brother is the whole world. But, when Dustin does something he doesn't like he screams bloody murder because he knows Momma will come to his rescue... What a handful these two. Love you little bears!

Last Time... Did I speak too soon??

2010-05-09T01:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, so while everyone else around me is secretly snickering at me because I got pregnant again. Truly in terms of my current family situation (my IF sis stopped talking to my Mom... that's a long story I'm not going in to) this at least takes the gossip mill off my sister for awhile. I think she was turning into the black sheep... looks like I couldn't let her take my crown for very long. :) LOL! My Dad told me that being pregnant right now seemed like an incredibly stupid thing. I know he's right. I do... and my husband and I have talked about him getting fixed. Perhaps I spoke too soon. It still makes my heart clench a little to think that THIS IS IT! This is the last time I will ever carry a beautiful angel inside my womb. What a depressing thought. With all of the infertility around me... my womb is one of things I love about me most. I understand what it is to see others suffer and am so grateful for my own lack of problems in that arena. I see the heartache, I see the tears, I see the woe. And for all of those things, I know what looks like, despite never having felt it myself. So, perhaps that makes me selfish... that I am grateful... but I am. I'm grateful that my womb never betrayed me like I've seen my sister's do. I think the women that go through IF are so incredibly strong and secretly I don't think I'm as strong as they are. So, I'm just going to be grateful that my womb works even when I wasn't really wanting it to. My best friend is also an IF and is working on that situation right now. I recall in the not too distant past when one of her other pregnant friends was complaining about her pregnancy. This hurt my IF friend dearly. I will be congnizant not to make the same mistake even when this baby begins to kick my ass. And she will. I'm sure it's a girl because I want a boy. I wonder if she'll cuddle with my bladder like my youngest or grind her feet in my ribcage like my oldest. I wonder if she'll have blue eyes like her brothers. I should feel her kick sometime in July. I wonder if she'll be an Xmas baby and loathe me forever because her birthday coinsides with Xmas. :) I hope she's healthy... she'll be love whatever she is. Dakota won't be my runt anymore. Hmmmm... my runt has had a fever all weekend and he's been a little under the weather. I think he's teething again because he's drooling. He likes to cuddle right now and drool all over you. It's very sweet and gross at the same time. This time I'm breastfeeding for much LONGER than I did with Dakota (two weeks)... she's got a lot of weight to take off for me... Dakota's weight and the weight she'll put on my ass. So, I've got two names I already like: Jayden Beverly Duke (this would have been Dakota's name if he'd been a girl) and Dane William Duke if it's a boy. Right now she's just a blob... a little bitty blob... at least that's what she'll look like when we first see her in 4-5 weeks. I wonder what she is... too bad I have to wait until August/September to find out. I'll make my OB appointment on Monday to see what's what. I can't believe I'm having another baby. I'm excited that this time Dustin is old enough to share this experience with me... last time I think he "got it" at the end... when we showed him the baby... and I pointed to my tummy and said, "all gone baby." This time I don't think he gets it yet... but as I get a little bigger he'll understand more. I'm excited to have him feel the baby move. Dakota won't give a shit because he's too little. I wonder if Dustin will try to put his baby sister in the closet like he did Kota. My womb and heart are full. I am grateful. To all of those suffering from IF... I hope that you too are granted your deepest desires and experience motherhood whether via adoption or conception. I read another blog that said Mother's Day forgets about all of the one's that don't have children. Happy Mother's Day IF world. You are not forgotten. You are never forgotten. And if I'm contrary... I don't mean to be... my heart comes from a place a love.

In the land of now's not a good time but I guess it's a good a time as any

2010-05-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

So, I found out some news today and it really rocked my world. I found out that I'm expecting my third child. My whole reality seemed to tilt on axis. So, I've kind of rocked back and forth today while I digest the news. Financially this is really not a good time... I mean... really not a good time. But, a part of me is secretly happy. I was ecstatic for a few hours as well. Then I just started thinking about my selfish wants about an hour ago. I just started losing weight, I had just started working out again, I was just beginning to enjoy my life the way it was without school and with the two current boys I have. I was actually even beginning to think that I may not want anymore children at all because I want to be able to give the two children I have all that I am. Now I'm plagued with fear... how will I support this child... shit I was taking diet pills... did they harm my unsuspecting baby. Dammmit! So many things to worry about. And then I think... I knew it... I knew I was pregnant. I've had all the warning signs all month. First I was overly emotional especially for me. I always have to pee all the time... but I had to pee even more than usual and then I felt quesy this morning. Damn, double damn. I'm scared... that's the truth. More than anything I want to know that this baby is okay and healthy and that I will have the strength to give it my all.
As I had begun thinking about the selfish stuff in my life I read some infertility blogs derived from my best friend's blog and other blog I follow. In my best friend's she's having to have surgery to continue her journey to expand her family. In the second blog, the woman is currently pregnant but it seems to be a very difficult pregnancy as the baby is measuring behind and they are worried about the total welfare of the child. That baby may not make it. I think being so close to infertiles this pregnancy will make me so much more paranoid about the health of this baby. I already feel so much more paranoid than I did with my first two. And the reality is... I need to calm the 'f' down. The good news is that today is the first day I've known that I am pregnant so I'm going to allow myself the little tantrum of freaking out. At least temporarily. I can't run around screaming at the top of my lungs because that would stress out the other people in the house, especially my boys. When Momma isn't happy... neither is anyone else. So, I really was going someplace when I mentioned the infertile blogs that I was reading. I also read a couple of other blogs and the reality is... there are so many women out there right now that would kill just for the chance to "accidentally" get pregnant. So I'd better get extremely grateful in a hurry.

You're in the Way

2010-03-15T22:09:00.001-05:00

Okay, so there are a few things I want to cover under this post because I think they are so freaking hysterical.
First: Yesterday Dustin had placed his Bobot in the center of the floor and was circling it with his tricycle. Well, Dakota wanted to get a piece of that the shiny red Bobot. So, he kept crawling forward to grab the robot. Eventually Dustin grabbed Dakota, opened up the broom closet and started shoving Dakota into the closet. Dakota started whining in protest. Meanwhile Dustin kept shoving, saying, "bye bye Kota, bye bye." I almost died it was so funny. Luckily I rescued Dakota and reprimanded Dustin in between giggles.
Next we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond because I had gift cards. While we were there I bought Dustin some M&M's. He dropped one on the floor while we were on our way back to the house. We swung by Wendy's to grab something to eat and continued on our way home. After eating, my Dad, husband, the kids, and I all gathered out front to enjoy part of the nice day. All of a sudden Dustin starts running across the lawn toward my car, opens the car, and crawls inside. Darrell runs after him and Dustin gets out of the car with the lost M&M already in his mouth. Again I was laughing hysterically. This is definitely why I had kids. So, they could amuse me.
So those were Sunday's adventures. I had a great time on Sunday with the boys for sure. Today we had to go back to our daily routine because it was Monday and that sucked. But, when we got home we went to the park for awhile. That was a blast. I've decided that the way you realize you are old is when a group of teenagers is sitting there near the swings peer pressuring the one couple to kiss and when I walk up with my kids they all cease talking and start whispering. Geez. HOWEVER, at least I have Dustin because he was all up in their business. They were even joking that my son got further with the "girl" than her boyfriend. So, at least my son has got skills. I may be over the hill in the eyes of teenagers but my son is adorable and can gather a crowd. Dakota diligently sat in the mulch and dug a big hole until he found the wet mulch. When I walked over to him and put the mulch back so he wasn't getting all muddy he looked up at me disgusted like, "shit Mom I just dug that hole NOW I have to start ALL over again." And then he proceeded to re-dig his hole. When we were on our way home in the car Dustin said, "cake." So, we ran to the gas station got chee.tos, cinnamon rolls, and sprite. Then after we got home we pigged out. Bad Mommy. Bad Mommy. He had gotten quite a workout so it was my turn. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did 45 minutes of Pilates. Surely that negates my binge, right? I'm going to be hurting tomorrow during yoga.

Dakota's Assigned Duty

2010-03-06T10:51:00.000-06:00

I wanted to write a quick post about Dakota's self-assigned dutiy in our household because I think they are absolutely hysterical. Perhaps no one else will share my amusement but since it's my blog I can share whatever I want.
Dakota has assigned himself the task of quality assurance for all of the door stops in our house. He spends a lot of time each day ensuring that the door stops are working properly making sure that they vibrate properly when played with. This is an extremely important job and one that I'm quite proud he took the initiative to take on. Anytime we go into a new room he shuts the door and immediately gets to work on the door stop. He is very dedicated to his work. I truly do appreciate all of his efforts. I'm thinking about nominating him for Employee of the Month because he's so awesome at his job.

Proud Mama

2010-03-06T09:28:00.000-06:00

Well, I had two instances during the last week where I was extremely proud of both my little boys. The first one started with Dakota. In one of my previous posts I explained that Dustin inadvertently pushed Dakota in the bathtub causing him to fall backward under the water. Of course Dakota was completely freaking out and had a terrible scare. Well, that was two weeks ago. Last Saturday we were over at my Dad's house and it was bathtime again. This time I was in the bath with Dakota. When I leaned him back to get his head in the water up to his ears (so his face was out of the water) he started to stress out and started whining. Well, I continued to tickle him and smile at him while he was laying back and we repeated this process several more times. By the end of the bath he was comfortable having his ears wet with me only supporting his head while the rest of him floated in the water. I was so proud of Koots for relaxing and learning that the bath could be fun again. It was amazing. He was such a trooper. I could tell that he was learning to trust in the bathtub and he was able to overcome his fear. Later today we will be back over at Dad's and will repeat the process (I only have a shower at my house which is the reason we don't typically take normal "baths"). Typically we only use the toddler bathtub which they can comfortably sit the entire time. I'm putting this in as a note because I do bathe my children more than once a week. But typically there isn't a lot of water in the toddler tub at any given time due to its size. We aren't that archaic. :)
On Monday I went to pick up the boys from the daycare. I put Dakota in the car and went to put Dustin in his seat. Well he switched his seat four times alternating between sitting right next to Dakota in the middle to wanting to sit next to the window. Finally, I got annoyed enought that I just strapped in his seat and he started screaming bloody murder. He screamed for ten minutes straight. Once we were at a light I turned to him and told him that he would be getting a spanking when he got home. He started screaming louder. Finally he stopped screaming and throwing a fit. I told him that when he was naughty that the nice thing to do would be to apologize and to say sorry. I told him that he had to be good. I asked him if he wanted to play when we got home. He nodded his head. I told him that he needed to be nice. I asked him if he was going to be nice. He nodded his head again. Of course once we got home these memories faded swiftly. We had dinner. Dustin's newest obsession is to take hostages into his room and play with them. This includes dogs, or the cat, or he will drag Dakota down the hall and into his room. Well despite my insisting that he leave Dakota alone he drug him down the hall and into his room anyway. I was attempting to finish my homework at the time (the last few assignments before I finished my Masters) so I just kind of let Dustin finish. It wasn't until I heard him dump his ENTIRE ginormous bin of toys on the floor that I become incensed. (Sunday he had done the same thing and had taken all the clothes out of his drawers as well so we had just gotten done cleaning it up). Anyway, I ran in there and gave Dustin a swat on the butt and took Dakota out of there. I told Dustin to pick up his toys. That's when he started throwing the mother of all tantrums telling me he wanted to play. I repeated that he needed to pick up his toys. He started screaming bloody murder. I went out to the living room and sat down with Dakota. Dustin screamed for about five minutes. Finally he opened the door and instantly became quiet. He padded out to the living room where he said to me, "I sorry Momma, I sorry. I nice... I nice. Please help." I was so amazed. Dustin has never come out and apologize for anything. Evidently our conversation in the car had enlightened him. I was so proud of my Bug. Of course I got up and went and helped him pick up his toys. I'm sure he just figured out that his screaming wasn't doing the job and he thought of an alternate method to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. But, the point is that I was so proud that he apologized.
What an awesome week for my boys! They are both growing up so fast.

God Bless Face8ook

2010-02-27T09:59:00.000-06:00

So, guess what? Another friend found me last night via Face8ook. I met her when I was 21-22ish. She was such a good friend and such a breath of fresh air in terms of everyone else I encountered. We met when I was a Team Lead at a bank.
Side Note: Dakota is ripping apart a magazine on the floor and is waving his spoils in the air in a wonderfully fantastic victory dance. Dustin is holding the dog hostage in his room so they can "play". I'm not sure what his recent obsession is with having the dogs locked in a room with him. I hear him laughing.... hmmmm.... I wonder if he's torturing the dog. I hope not.
Anyway, so I met K at the bank and we started hanging out. I fondly remember ordering steak and eggs from Coco's some mornings and eating it at work. We were such a mess. She had an adorable love of dogs and adopted a pit bull I believe. She was wonderfully outspoken and a completely free spirit. Unfortunately for her she had caught me right when I was at my worst and for some reason she was still friends with me. I lost contact with her after I left Phoenix to get sober and have cyberstalked her from time to time to no avail with finding her. Suffice it to say she found me last night and I do know she's engaged and has relocated from Phoenix. I'm excited to hear more about her adventures. :) God Bless Face8ook.

Middle School Sucked

2010-02-25T20:31:00.000-06:00

Back when I was in middle school I was best friends with two girls. We'll call them K and L for simplicity. We were all basically best friends for a time. However, the time came when L decides that she didn't like K anymore. We weren't really sure why and K was quite naturally distraught. Well I tried to play the neutral role for awhile and for short time frame this worked. However, I eventually began to join L when she made fun of K thinking that K would never find out about it. Well a few months went by and things seemed fine except L had another change of heart and decided to befriend K again. That sucked. Guess who got turned on next? Yep, that's right... me. I totally deserved it. L told K all of the nasty things I had said about her behind her back. It was awful. K was seriously hurt and I felt smaller than two inches high. Suffice it to say that I lost my friendship with both girls. That was the end of my seventh grade year.
At the start of my eighth grade year I was gone for the first week because my family and I were on vacation. When I got back my friends were acting really strangely. Turns out that L had convinced them all that I was a lesbian. I'm not, but even if I were, I basically became the social equivalent of a pariah. This did not bode well for my adolescent self esteem. However, I myself had set the ball rolling the year before. So, I have basically concluded that middle school SUCKED... it is not a time frame I wish to relive.
When I got sober I realized what a brat I had been and the depth of my involvement with the situation. Not that I had forgotten or that this was the reason I drank... but that's something you do when you get sober... you review the wreckage of your past and so I looked at mine. I had no idea where to find K to apologize for my behavior and was told that I should do so if the opportunity presented itself.
Guess who I found on facebook not too long ago? The first thing I did was apologize for the awful way I behaved when I was 13. Luckily, K accepted my apology graciously. She seems to be doing wonderful with two beautiful children of her own. I'm grateful today that I am not in middle school... although sometimes situations in present day do seem to reflect the behavior of my old schoolmates I'm so grateful that I'm not there anymore. What a relief. I'm also grateful that I had the opportunity to convey my sincere apology for the harm I caused so long ago. Its one thing to be treated badly but its quite a different kind of pain when you are betrayed by those you are supposed to be able to trust. I inflicted that pain and then it was returned to me. I recall the pain from those days and it took me quite awhile before I emerged from the shell I had surrounded myself with. I still use that shell sometimes... it's a comfortable place every now and again. Although, it doesn't have quite the same fit. I'm bigger now so it gets too snug and I must emerge because alas I am an adult and being adult requires me to face most situations head on. I told my adult friend Chelle that I would like an apology from L... but am definitely not holding my breath. :)
The good thing about today is that I'm a woman and not a girl stuck in between two worlds of childhood and womanhood. Life may suck at times and its always sort of messy, whether it be my son urinating on the floor because he missed the potty, or the emotional upheavals, but at least sometimes you can try and right the wrongs of your past. I do my best to sincerely apologize if I feel that I have wronged someone. The problem with that is in my recent experience in an unrelated event, not everyone takes your apology and that doesn't "fix" everything. Regardless of the curve balls life throws at me I'm incredibly blessed with those people in my life. Especially the women in my life. They are truly amazing. This includes my close friends and family.

Koots and Bug

2010-02-23T13:01:00.000-06:00

Dakota (Koots) pulled himself up to a standing position for the first time on Saturday. He'd had so much fun in the bathtub that he pulled himself up and tried to lift his leg as if to get back into the tub. Well after that it all went down hill. The boys were fighting over a cup. It was more like Dakota was reaching for it and Dustin wouldn't let him have it. Suffice it to say that Dustin accidentally pushed Dakota backward and he fell and went under the water. He started thrashing and freaking out and of course so did I. Dustin got a spanking and everyone was left screaming. So, that was our bathtime adventure. Of course once we all got calmed back down Koots wanted to get back in the bathtub. Mommy said that was out of the question. She's no fun like that. One near drowning experience and she'd had enough of bathtime.
Despite the adventures of being a mother like that it's so much more fun than I ever thought it would be. Like I was telling some friends at lunch about the time two weeks ago it was snowing really hard out and Bug was in the backseat of my car stripping out of his clothes. When he got out of the car he was like, "it's cold." I'm like, "I know, that's why you leave your clothes on until we are in the house." He hasn't stripped since. Of course I figure that learning lesson it at least temporary. He'll be stripping off his clothes in no time.
It's amazing the things they do when they copy you. I think it's quite amusing. For instance, also on Saturday Bug was tickling Koots beyond redemption. My Dad became very frustrated with Dustin for torturing his little brother. Awhile later I had Dustin pinned under me sitting on his legs so he couldn't kick and held his arms above his head while I tickled the sh$t out of him. My Dad was like, "that's where he learned it from." I'm like, "but he likes it...???" As soon as I let him up he wanted to do it again. So, go figure. My Dad's disgust obviously transferred to me. :) Oh well, my Dad used to torture me that way... or at least my sister did... so karmically I'm just passing it along as my children will to their children. What's the point in having them if you can't torture them? That's obviously just my opinion. :)

Dakota's First Birthday Party

2010-02-03T16:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I concede that I should have written this like a week ago. HOWEVER, I'm doing it now. Dakota had a wonderful birthday party. My little buddy was unfortunately feeling under the weather. The next day I noticed that his tooth had finally cut through. That was the source of his discomfort. Added to the fact that I kept waking him up to enjoy the festivities and that equals one cranky kid. Although, he did manage to get some cake from Daddy which of course with the blue icing was absolutely adorable. I swear he looked pissed off that we were torturing him though. Oh well, at least we have his birthday pictures to enjoy in the years to come. Below are some of the pictures from his birthday. He's such a beautiful little boy.

T Minus 6 Hours

2010-01-23T09:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I've officially only have six hours before the official first birthday party. Of course Dustin decided to yak in his bed... so he immediately got a shower first thing this morning. Gross. I only have four hours before I have to be ready because my Dad will be here then because all of us have to run to the bank... kids and all. WOO HOO! I'm trying to guzzle down as much caffeine as I can in order to get motivated to start running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Thank goodness I already have all the presents wrapped. Dakota is at the base of the chair sort of whining. I just reached over and started caressing his head and hair. My kids are so amazingly beautiful. He's mad because I put him back on the floor after he posted his first blog which is detailed below.

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+s8tdfsfdsa0 -1p0,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,m7555555555555555555po4 =m0000000000000000000000/////////////////////////207 +++++++++++++++++++++++ t

I think it says lot personally. Those are his first thoughts typed out on the computer. He's got a lot to say and some really good points for someone so young. Okay, I better get off my rump and get busy because the floors won't mop themselves.

Preparations

2010-01-22T21:46:00.000-06:00

Well, tomorrow is Koots' big day. He already had his birthday which came and went without being too eventful. However, tomorrow's is Dakota's first birthday party. When Bug turned one we let him swim in his cake. So, sure enough we got him a cake large enough for him to swim in. I just got done wrapping all the presents for him and got done grocery shopping and picking up some party supplies. Of course, I had planned on making hamburgers and hotdogs for the people I invited which weren't very many. However, after seeing the weather report (sounds like rain) my Dad convinced me to do pizza. But, seriously I didn't even check the weather... my Dad did. So, I guess he's paying attention to details like that. Since i wouldn't be the one grilling, what difference did it make to me? LOL! I just figured I would have to buy the food and make the sides. It's not my responsibility to operate a grill. I bought the presents, will get the house back in order (thank goodness it's still in pretty good shape), give the kids a bath, make sure I take one as well, and then we'll have a party. Grill or grill weather didn't even enter my thoughts. I'm interested to see how Dustin deals with all the ruckus tomorrow. I'm sure he'll be jealous so he'll be opening the presents for Dakota I'm sure as well as helping blow out the candles. I'm definitely drawing the line at letting him swim in the cake. That's for the first birthday only and is of course the main attraction. Hopefully, his godfather will be able to make it to the party. Speaking of which I need to get him baptized. Dustin I had baptized when he was like three months. I was way more on the the ball. However, in my defense I have called our reverend like 3x with no response. Perhaps I'll have to find someone else to perform the ceremony. What an ordeal. Not looking forward to that. When I had Dustin baptized, the reverend that performed it was a family friend and even came to the house for the event. So, I guess now I'll be forced to call my church. Guck... wonder how much that costs.

Koots' Big Day

2010-01-20T21:46:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow my little man will be one year old. It's so hard to believe that he's been hanging out with us for a year now. It flew by too fast. I wish I could rewind it and relive it. Of course I wish the same thing with my oldest. It's so true that they grow up too fast. A year ago today, Dustin was an only child. Tomorrow at 11:28 a.m. he'll be exactly one year old. They'll never remember this time, but I will. It's been such a wonderful and monumental experience for me. I love having my boys around. When I got home tonight Darrell hadn't given either kid a bath. So, it had been a few days for Dakota. And I'm pretty sure he had some left over jelly in his hair from last night's dinner. Needless to say, he got a good scrubbing and is down on the floor feeding himself his bottle. Wow! A year ago he hadn't even eaten any real food yet. He was still being a little parasite off me! Of course I was ready to evict his little butt by this time. I don't necessarily miss the last part of the pregnancy because you get so uncomfortable at the end. But, I miss the anticipation of getting to meet your new baby and hold them in your arms for the first time. What a wonderful and blessed gift that is. I definitely have to do that at least once, err maybe twice more. Got to wait for the financial things to get in place. But, hopefully in the future I'll be able to become a Mom at least one more time. It's such a blessing and a joy. Happy Birthday KOOTS, a wee bit early.

Dakota when I first brought him home from the hospital. He was a little over 24 hours old. AWWWWW!

On a Mission

2010-01-19T19:56:00.000-06:00

Okay, so tonight after we got home from daycare and all that we ate dinner. Dakota is starting to try and feed himself so I had him in the high chair and gave him some bread with grape jelly on it. After awhile of me helping him feed himself and him feeding himself I guess he wasn't getting full enough. So, he started pitching a fit, so I had to finish feeding him baby food. I guess he realized it wasn't that efficient. In addition, I completely figured out one of the presents I'm going to get for Dakota for his birthday. I'm getting him bowls. Yes, you read that correctly. Darrell told me a story recently where Dakota had army crawled his way into the kitchen and discovered the dog bowls. Unfortunately for Dakota, Dad got to him before he realized his dream of getting the bowls. Life is full of let downs.

Well, now that he knows where the hidden treasure is. Dustin and I had spent the better part of an hour doing flash cards on the floor with Dakota. He mostly just watched. But, after we concluded our session I ran off to go to the ladies room. When I got back 3-4 minutes later Dakota was just finishing his army crawl into the kitchen. He grabbed the empty, plastic dog bowl, and voila!!! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!! He had the bowl. So, I gave him a clean one (the same color, make, and model) and he's been playing with that ever since. Don't tell me he doesn't know what he wants to play with. My son is very goal oriented. I don't recall ever seeing Dustin display such a focus of intent. I figured for all that effort he should at least be able to keep his prize. Good job Koots!! You get that bowl! I need to buy some more plastic bowls anyway. Since he wants to play with them.... I'll just get him some for his birthday. At this age they always like kitchen stuff more than presents anyway. Dustin was a sucker for wooden spoons. Guess what he got for his first birthday? Don't worry! I'll buy him other REAL toys, but you should buy your kids the stuff they really want. Kids are so hilarious.

Speech Therapy

2010-01-19T19:55:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I took the morning off to take my oldest son to the speech therapist. He may have to be in special pre-k because he has a speech delay. The first lady I went to did the testing and he barely participated at all. I'm pretty sure he flunked just about everything she wanted him to do. So, I got referred to this other lady at another school and that's where we went this morning. Instead of trying to get my son to perform tricks she asked me what he could do and went down several lists. I feel like when we get the results we will have a much more accurate picture of what he's going to need to get him up to speed. I'm pretty sure the first lady thought my son was an idiot because he would just stand there and stare at her. Of course, as I was explaining to this second lady... what he'll do for me and what he'll do for a perfect stranger are in two completely different ballparks. He's very intelligent but he definitely is behind on his speech and because his speech is behind there are some things he can't do. For instance, because he doesn't know the color red, or a square, he couldn't look at a group of blocks and give you the red squares. So, getting him to memorize and identify these things are on my to-do list. I've been working with him on flash cards for a little over a month and he's already improved in leaps and bounds. For instance we've been reviewing animals. So, I can show him a picture of a dog and then ask him what the dog says. He'll be able to identify both. So, by familiarizing him with the colors I can begin to ask him other questions that will deepen his understanding. Thus, we've made progress and for that I'm grateful. He has so much potential and I'm going to do as much as I can to make sure that he gets to where he needs to be. Hopefully my second son will just pick up all this stuff on his own. ;) Just kidding. In about six months I'll start having my second son be an active participant in the flash card game as well. He needs a little more developmental time in some areas first. But, the sooner we can get him on all that stuff, the better.

The Bestest Birthday Present EVER

2010-01-16T00:23:00.000-06:00

Okay, so my Dad told me a few weeks ago that he bought me a really cool birthday present. Of course that lead me to thinking, "what could it be?" Torment!! For real... I'm not good with... "you have to wait." I considered several different ideas for how to hack into something and figure it out. HOWEVER, I wanted to be surprised so I actually DID NOT hack into anything. I was laying in bed one night thinking to myself that when I rule the universe (KIDDING) and am a big hancho in my own mind that perhaps I would use a certain software (DRAGON... I think it's called) to work and send emails while being on the eliptical. THAT'S IT I thought. It's a software that interprets your words and types them onto the screen. I thought that would be so cool. I could use it to write my book I'm planning on continuing after I finish my MBA. So, for days I was convinced that's what I was getting. But, then I thought... Book? Hmmmm... I read a lot of books. I read a ton of books. Even if I go to work and take care of the kids I could still read a book a day. It's ridiculous. Suffice it to say I'm a fast reader and when I find something I like I devour it. Then I thought E-Book reader. I was thinking, "if my Dad REALLY knew... even better than that software he would get me an E-book reader." I was like, "that would be so freaking awesome." To have a little handheld device to read books from. (I read books on my laptop a lot at night). At times I get really frustrated with my husband is on my laptop at bedtime and the book I want to read is on my computer. I'm like, "give me my laptop now!" Okay, TERRITORIAL MUCH? Anyway, I went over to my Dad's house tonight with the boys and I told my Dad my two guesses of what my birthday present was. When I guess the E-Book reader right he'd go ahead and let me have it. It's called a KINDLE. TOO FREAKING COOL! This is the BESTEST birthday present ever. I absolutely adore it. It's my new best friend. :) My Dad knows me so well I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present. He told me he had seen that software on TV and said it would be good for someone that doesn't type fast. Since I do type fast... I wouldn't need it. Good job to Dad for deductive reasoning. Of course I never expressed an interest in either product. And I'd MUCH rather have the Kindle than the software. I think it's funny that I even thought it might be the software to begin with. But, he said it was something that was right up my alley... and he was absolutely right. I COULD NOT have asked for a better 30th birthday present. THANK YOU PADRE!! I don't deserve you! I really don't. But, I'll keep you!

A Constant Battle

2010-01-10T12:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, so being that I'll be turning 30 in less than a month you'd think by now I'd be able to have my sh%t together. You'd think? Right? How is it that my parents seemed to have it together when I was little? Of course then I got older and realized my parents didn't know anything. That's the teenage years I think... then once you get into your 20's, especially into your mid-twenties you realize that your parents never had it figured out but they just got by... but by then you realize that they have a wealth of information and experience to share with you. Even for all of that I wonder if my children will look at me the same way? Not sure. I do know that my house looks like a war zone. Having little kids that scatter toys from here to the end of the universe makes my house want to cry. So, today is my cleaning day and I've already cleaned the back bedrooms and bathroom. So, I guess that's a start. But, when I look at my main rooms (see below- and YES that is the Xmas tree... don't even go there) I just want to sit down and let someone else do it for me. But, for as long as I've lived in this house no one has ever showed up to clean my house for me.

Or I could just do what my Mom did and wait for my children to get old enough and make them do it for me. That's the reason I had kids... to make them clean my house for me between the ages of 10-18. It's cheap slave labor. I'M TOTALLY KIDDING. And how is it despite the fact that I gave the kids a bath yesterday they already seem filthy? Am I the only one that goes through this? Probably not. Now in my house we all have our designated jobs. The dog is the garbage disposal because this old house doesn't have one, the cat is a bug exterminator (only good for specific bugs), Dustin scatters his toys all over the planet, Dakota tries to play with said toys thus aggravating his older brother, hubby takes out the trash, does dishes, and the laundry. Mom? She does everything else including mopping, dusting, scrubbing, designated toy picker-upper, bathtime, brushing teeth, jungle gym, Bobot battery replacer (this could be a full time job onto itself), grocery shopper, and going to school. The adventures of Momdom never end. Of course, I shouldn't be blogging right now. So, I'm going to go clean the kitchen and see where that gets me. Perhaps someone will magically appear to clean the main two rooms... I can dream can't I?

Saturday's Fun

2010-01-09T12:12:00.000-06:00

WOW! I'm amazed. Since I've integrated tickling into the flashcards with Dustin his memory is freaking AMAZING! This morning we worked on the flashcards with tickling in between each one to make it more fun for him than just getting a high five. He probably got 92-95% of them right. I'm really impressed with the progress that my son has made over the last month of us working on the flashcards. I'm not sure of what all they need to know when they go to Kindergarten however I'm becoming more optimistic that he'll be ready. So, I'm still worried about his attention span but at least I know an effective method of teaching him. Of course it takes A LOT longer to get through all the flashcards because he's being tickled in between almost every one of them. But, that's okay. Whatever it takes to get the job done!

Right now he's sitting in Dakota's walker. I took some pictures of him doing this on Xmas day and they are hysterical. For whatever reason he likes to hang out in the walker which I think is funny. Although he never actually uses it to walk which is a good thing because his legs are too long.

I sort of worry about Dakota because he only walks backward in it. He's taking after Dustin in that I think he'll be a late walker. He'll be a year old on the 21st of January and is only army crawling. Oh well, at least he's not up and into every yet like his brother is. So, I guess I should be grateful for that.

It's hard to be though. He's learned the high five although his accuracy rate of doing it 100% of the time is not completely there. But, I'm working on it with him. The mistake I made with Dustin at this age was that I didn't realize you were supposed work with them on things. Call it stupidity or my firstborn. I told my Dad that Dustin was our guinea pig because the lessons I learned with Dustin are helping me to do a better job with Dakota at this age. Which is always nice. I really enjoy being a parent. It brings me so much joy I'm always amazed by my children on a daily basis.

Dustin ate like four apples this morning... okay partially ate four apples this morning. I'm looking around my living room and seeing the new messes I get to clean up later. Like Dustin dumped his toybox contents unto the floor. Of course I'll make him clean that up because I'm cruel like that.

I'm really excited to spend some time with my Dad tonight. He's actually going to spend some time with some co-workers at Buffalo Wild Wings. Now, if you knew my Dad you would know what a hermit he truly is. So, for him to be going out socially is a huge deal. I'll be going with him as well as the boys. The purpose of this trip is to watch the Dallas Cowboys playoff game. Which I could give a crap about. The goal is to get there 1.5 hours before the game and then to watch the entire game. BORING! So, I told Dad we'd be the designated driver so he can hang out and have fun and not have to worry about that. But, after dinner I'll drive the boys home, hang out for awhile and then go back to get him. So, that should be a fun night for all of us. My Dad does so much for me and my family the least I could do was give him the opportunity to relax and have a good time with friends. Plus, I get to show off my kids to some of his co-workers and meet them for the first time. It'll be interesting to meet the people my Dad spends a lot of time with. I think he's amazing but they'll probably see him as the hardass he tries to portray. My Dad and I are so much alike it's really humorous. For instance, people view us as big and scary but when you really boil down to it we're just big teddy bears especially when it comes to our family. Although, there is something sickly amusing about people being afraid of you. When I was drinking I tried to act like the victim.... um that role never worked out for me because I've never looked or acted like a victim in my entire life. So, despite trying to convince myself otherwise I never pulled off that acting adventure.

Below are some examples of my Dad's nerdom. Which I can proudly say that I inherited from him. He bought a mini-Solstice to match his real life one. Here are the pictures of he took with both of them together. He freaking cracks me up.

I'm so grateful that my Dad lives so close by. It's nice that we get to hang out every weekend and on the holidays. It's so nice having family 3 miles away from you. I'm really glad that my kids will be able to form such a close bond with their grandfather. That's really important to me. Although, Dustin calls Grandpa "Bampa." And he never calls him Grandpa to his face. What's up with that? Over a year ago I made my own flashcards for Dustin which are just some of the cards we review in the tickling sessions and he'll say "Bampa" to me when we're going through the flashcards but he won't say it to my Dad. Wierd. He also does that with his own name. He'll say "Dustin" to me but won't to it for my husband or my Dad.

Below is a picture of Dustin and my Dad of Christmas day.

I'm really impressed with Darrell as well lately. He's been really stepping up to the plate and working with Dustin on the flashcards as well as a matching game. I tried the matching game with Dustin right after Xmas and I became crestfallen because I couldn't get Dustin to understand the matching concept. I thought it was because he couldn't grasp it. Turns out Darrell taught him how to do it in a few minutes. See? There are a lot of things that I guess I'm just not good at teaching him. Plus, this is good because Darrell is spending more quality time with Dustin instead of just watching him on the nights that I have "off" of parent duty. This is such an important time in Dustin and Dakota's life and it's awesome that my husband is being such a part of it.

Projects!

2010-01-08T18:34:00.000-06:00

Well, I told ya'll that I did a bunch of projects for my Dad for Xmas. Well I decided I would share that here. Below are the items that I painted for my Dad's house for Christmas. You'd be amazed at how much time and how many coats of paint those things took to complete!

So, the story behind this project is that I bought these items for him seven years ago before I got sober. However, when I began painting the items my hands shook so much that I couldn't paint it well. So, I abandoned the project. Needless to say my Dad being the hardass that he is kept the items in his garage (and carting them from Phoenix to Denton in a move) all this time. Finally, in October I took the items back to begin their transformation. Suffice it to say, it was much easier to paint the blue and white with steadier hands that I now have as a result of sobriety. Phew! When he opened them at Xmas, he said, "hey I only had to wait seven years for these!" LOL! I'm sitting here in his living room right now while he rearranges his living room art to accomodate my new art work.

This is a picture of a tray I created for my Dad a few years ago at Christmas. It's one of my more favorite pieces.

The reason I'm excited about this piece is because I'm attempting to duplicate it for another gift I'm going to be giving in the near future. Sorry buddy if you are reading this. I'm too excited waiting for the first coat to dry on my new project. I'm excited to see the result. Hopefully it will turn out as well as my first one. However, with the next one I'm working on will have a clear coat of semi-gloss on it once I'm finished. Hopefully I can get all the steps done before the weekend ends. PHEW! Got my work cut out for me.

Random Shiznit

2010-01-08T13:34:00.000-06:00

Because I'm so awful about posting sh%t on time. We did have a wonderful Christmas. My Dad is a Supervisor at the Fort Worth plant of the Post Office. I love to do arts and crafts. So, in addition to some other things I made him... I made him a clipboard (he always carries around a clipboard at the plant) so I printed out some pictures that I loved and decoupaged the pictures onto the clipboard so he could always have pix of the boys whenever he wanted them. Anyway, some of the pix I chose had photos of my hubby with them but none of me. My husband made a comment about that before I gave it to my father. And then my father said some of his co-workers had the same sentiment. So, last weekend I actually did my hair and went over to my Dad's house so we could take some pictures with me in them. I think they turned out pretty cute. Especially the one of the family which I've put as the header on my Blog. I also got some really good shots of Dakota.

Those are just a couple of the shots I got of Dakota. Ofcourse the little goober had boogers all over the world when I was doing his photo shoot. Wonder how much he'll hate me later on for those shots.

Last night I spent with the boys was a lot of fun. After struggling with Dustin to get him to do his flashcards I started tickling him in between every card he got right. WOW! You'd be amazed at how tickling improved his memory. Holy canoly. He got like 90% of the cards right. His vocabulary is really improving in leaps and bounds. I'm quite impressed with my little man. I didn't get any good photos from Dustin last weekend but I have so many pix of him I'm sure he won't mind that I focused primarily on Dakota.

Then last night, when I was trying to pay specific attention to Dakota after I had spent the majority of the night playing flash cards with Dustin I started tossing Dakota on the couch and tickling him. He likes be bounced up and down as well and was giggling uncontrollably. It was absolutely hysterical. Of course Dustin got jealous and wanted me to throw him up onto the couch as well. He's too heavy to be lifting up and down like that for any significant period of time. Although he likes to lay on the couch next to Dakota and then be tickled at the same time so they are both laughing together. What can I draw from this experience? The knowledge that both of my children are sadistic. I HATE BEING TICKLED! I hate it! So, since my children love being tickled they must be twisted. Obviously I'm twisted in other areas, so it's not hard to imagine where they got it from.

My hubby has started working as an Assistant Manager at another one of the locations of his previous employer's restaurant chain. While that's the good news... the bad news is that he's hourly... so he's worked WAY less hours in the past week than we are used to. So, that could be detrimental financially later on down the line. But, I guess for today I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, and all that other jazz... so I can't really change or freak out too much about what's going to happen tomorrow. I mean I can but it won't change it. So, I'll just sort of let things happen as they go. Plus, I'm kind of tired today, so worrying about that crap seem sort of mentally exhausting and I'm really not willing to expend my energy in that direction. Maybe tomorrow.... but not today. Today is Friday. It's a good day!

A Rocky 2010

2010-01-01T13:32:00.000-06:00

Well, it looks like things might be off to a rocky start for 2010. While I'm grateful for 2009 to be done, I'm interested to see what the new year brings. Last night I spent time with my husband and boys. After midnight I went and grabbed Dakota accidentally waking him up. I had to kiss in the New Year with someone afterall. He was more than happy to oblige me and was excited about the extra bottle he got out of the deal. While he was still all smiles I put him back to bed. I figured since I was pregnant with him last year it would be fitting that he be the first one I spend New Year's with. However, Dustin must have radar because he woke up from a nightmare and needed Mommy to help him get back to sleep so he got his New Year's kisses early as well. After awhile and when both boys were nestled in their beds I trodded off to bed.
Of course the rocky part of 2010 came this morning when Darrell got home really early from work. He got laid off. Hmmmm.... He's pretty raw from this experience and I could tell. Luckily I'm pretty sure he was expecting me to freak out. Instead I had the opposite reaction. Things will be okay. It's time for me to step up to the plate. I'm a good fixer. So, if Darrell is going to be home with the boys during the day for awhile then we should be able to swing the bills. Luckily, I'm now allowed to work overtime. So, with all that said there are a lot of things that go wrong in this life. However, when you are a family you have people in the boat with you. So, when the storms start raging you have those closest to you to weather the storm with you. That's the good news. This is going to be a rocky time and the boat will rock but with God's help it won't capsize. I'm grateful that we all have each other and will be there for one another. I love my hubby and especially my little boys. With God's help we'll pull together and collectively work together to pull through.

Merry Xmas

2009-12-28T21:18:00.001-06:00

WoW! Talk about a fun Xmas. Seriously, it was a blast. My house got trashed in record time. It was amazing. We had my step son over in addition to my two boys and they wrecked the house in about fifteen minutes. My Dad brought over a home cooked turkey he had been working on all day and we opened presents at three o'clock. Not before Dustin had begun opening some other people's presents. It was fun to watch Dustin. He opened everyone's presents. He wasn't very discerning or discriminatory. At one point he opened a stuffed animal for Dakota provided by Barb (my boss) and Dustin took one look at it and tossed it over his shoulder. So obviously if it didn't interest him he moved onto the next project. He was hilarious. Luckily he got some Bobots and other action figures which amused him greatly. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderful family and was able to share that special day with them. And to top it off it snowed on Christmas Eve so we enjoyed a white Christmas. It was a fabulous day.

Pre-Xmas Craze

2009-12-25T11:58:00.000-06:00

Well, this is the calm before the storm. We aren't actually doing Xmas until 3:00 p.m. I'm so freaking excited it's ridiculous. I can't wait to see Dustin's face when he opens some of his presents. Although he has opened two presents.... first he opened a Transformer costume and wore it until his love of running around in his underpants finally won out. I went to put him down for a nap and discovered that his blanket was in less than sleepable conditions. So, I decided to let him open a second present which was a brand new blanket ready for napping. Of course Dustin wanted to get up and open more presents. He even half opened one of Dakota's presents before Mommy got to him. I don't think Dakota will mind. After Dustin had opened the Bobot costume Dakota was playing with the wrapping paper. I like to think that Dakota was practicing for later. I am such a lucky woman to have both of my kids today and presents under the tree. I've tidied up half the house and should be finishing up the rest of it. It's amazing how five days can create such a ruckus with the rest of the house.

The Holidays

2009-12-18T23:17:00.000-06:00

Well, the holidays are officially in full swing and I'd love to say I've been completely on the ball. The boys, Darrell, and I have all been fighting a hell of a cold/flu bug for TWO weeks. I'm so disgusted with the whole ordeal. Staying up till 2-3 o'clock in the morning listening to your babies hack and hack and hack is so heartwrenching. Missing 2.5 days of work sucked as well. The first part of this month could have gone better. My car died on my way home from work two weeks ago and then my phone just died on the following Monday. I went through withdraw as I was carless and phoneless for the better part of a week. Luckily for me the car is fixed, got a new phone, and it seems that we are finally kicking the colds. I've been home for awhile now and my kids aren't coughing as they lay in bed. What a relief!
I spent the evening over at my Dad's house wrapping presents for the kids. I thought Dustin barely had any presents and that I'd have to go on a mad dash for more stuff for him before the holiday. Boy am I glad I wrapped presents before I did that. Turns out he's got a ton of stuff. But, there are a few special things I want to get for him despite what my Dad says. :)
At work, we seem to be having a good collections month despite the fact that I was out for half the week. That's good news after we struggled with every hospital all over the country to get them to pay for their operating room equipment last month. Literally, it was like pulling teeth. Luckily our efforts from last month are bearing fruit this month. For that I'm greatful. We really need to keep this ball rolling into the new year. I'd love to see some consistency going on for the next few months. If I'm ever going to move into general accounting then my team needs to be on the top of their game before I take the exit. Not from the company obviously, but from the team I've been a member of for the better part of 4 years. In March it'll have been four years. I love my team and we do great work together. I'll miss that but would enjoy learning more about other areas of accounting. Eventually I'd like to get my CPA (I think) and having a more general accounting background would be useful. Although, I finish my Masters in Business Administration in March and I have to say that I'm really looking forward to being done for awhile. Especially since it seems that DustBug needs my immediate attention and his education also needs it.
I went to the speech therapist again earlier this week to finish up testing for Dustin. Might I begin by saying that Dustin's actual participation during the testing was pretty minimal to non-existant. We've known for awile that his speech isn't as advanced as it could be. But, I'm pretty sure that he flunked with flying colors due to his non-participation. Even stuff he knew because he verbalizes it with me everyday. On Monday, she asked him to say "Momma," and he wouldn't even do that. Seriously Dustin? But, this has spurned my husband and I into action in terms of working with him more on a one on one basis with flash cards and reading. So, that's a good thing. It gets frustrating when you are the only one working on things. I got discouraged awhile ago and have been neglectful on this front. I hate admitting that but it's the truth. Dustin is so bright and I know he is, he just needs more special attention from both of us. The speech therapist said she hoped to get him into a special PreK program in January if they have an opening. He's only 3.5 so hopefully with a year and half in that program he'll be where he needs to be. There's nothing more devastating than being told there is a problem with your child. You feel so guilty and helpless at the same time. What'd I do wrong? Blah, blah, blah. But, it's not the time for pity parties and it's time for action. So, with that said, that's just what we'll do. We've been working with him almost every day this week. Darrell slacked off a day but the days I've been home with I've worked with him. Bribery works well in this situation. Getting him to do what I want for a reward is definitely my method of choice. Now, I must say that I do not agree with bribery to get a child to behave... like if you are good now I'll give you X,Y,Z... but in order to get them to participate in activities they normally find boring I'm all for that. Maybe there's no difference, who knows? Obviously I don't. This is the first time I've ever had a 3.5 year old. So, I'm kind of winging it. Plus, with me learning and school as always come so easy it's ridiculous. Darrell struggles a lot with that which is why he's not the one in school. It's so foreign to me and that's probably why I'm having to go through this with Dustin. I have to learn to understand. Probably one of those master plans and designs someone has for me that I'm just finding out about.
Anyway, I guess this wasn't much of a post about the holidays... but there you go... it'd been awhile since I posted and figured I'd blurt out all of my random thoughts here.

Poor Dustbug

2009-11-03T23:33:00.001-06:00

Well, Dustin my oldest son who I also call bug or Dustbug has some sort of nasty something. Not sure if it's the flu but it sure isn't a cold. He was throwing up on Sunday, Saturday Dakota seemed under the weather but now seems fine. By Monday morning Dustin seemed fine so he went to school. Same thing Tuesday morning. However, this afternoon at 3:30 I got a call stating that he had a 103 fever. By the time I got there and I felt him he sure didn't feel like he had a 103 fever. So, the only thing I can figure is that when he was taking a nap and sleeping with his fleece blanket must've compounded the fever. Dustin's fever has been hovering in between 99-100 degrees since I brought him home. He's alternated between seeming semi normal to acting sick. Like asking to go night-night at 6:30. Then when I check on him 45 minutes later wanting to get up and hang out. So, then when he got up around 7 he had explosive poop. GROSS! Seriously, all over the couch. Got that cleaned up. So, he asked to go to bed again and I let him to go to sleep. I check on him around 9:30 and he had explosive poop all over the bed (luckily there's a mattress cover). He had fallen asleep at the foot of his bed attempting to avoid the puddle. Absolutely disgusting. So, I woke him out a dead sleep and put him in the shower to clean him off. He was screaming with discontent but the number of baby wipes I would've had to use to clean him off would've been all five packages we have in the house and would've been just as much of a shock to his sleeping system. So, after I got him all cleaned up I put him to bed on the loveseat thinking I would sleep out in the living room as well so he wouldn't be alone. He just woke up ten minutes ago and had explosive poop again. I'm not a rocket scientist but I'm pretty sure that I'll be working from home tomorrow. I can't in good conscience let my little bug go to school when his stomach is wreaking such havoc on his system. I'll admit it is completely gross though. Hopefully it's all out of his system so he can sleep peacefully and let me get some zzzz's. I went and bought a bunch of gatorade so I can rehydrate him tomorrow. However, his fever is at a steady 99 at this point. Not really high enough to cause great concern but his other symptoms are definitely alarming. At least he was nice enough to wake up and stand up and then explosive poop in his diaper instead of all over the couch. Much easier to contain that way and get rid of. Then he wanted to go back to bed. So, now he's back there probably back asleep. I left the door open and will be sleeping on the couch so he can run out here and grab me if he has any problems. Poor little guy looked super disoriented when he got off the couch from a dead sleep to react to his stomach. I had to tell him 3x that I was across the room. Anyway, that's my gross story. The messes we get to clean up when we are Mom's... definitely something we don't earn medals for and something that definitely makes our stomach made of iron.

Halloween

2009-11-01T13:13:00.000-06:00

Halloween was a lot of fun. Dustin of course dressed up like a Bobot. And we had Dakota dressed up like a pumpkin. I can't wait to see the pictures my Dad took. We went over to my Dad's house and took the boys trick or treating and handed out candy there. So, we obviously were a disappointment in the candy-giving department to the kids in our neighborhood. Although normally we do give out candy here so I think they could survive one year without us.
Dustin had a ton of fun. I'm not really sure who had more fun, him or me. Dakota was in his stroller being pushed by my husband so he passed out during the 'walk'. It was a lot of fun. Then when we got back to Dad's house Dustin had fun helping passing out candy to the other kids. I'm glad he got to experience both sides of the equation. At about 9:00 Dad watched the boys for 2.5 hours and Darrell and I went and saw the movie "Paranormal Activity." I loved it. I thought it was awesome. It was the perfect end to a Halloween. Last Halloween I was working really late, so I'm so glad I got to spend this Halloween with my family. It was so much fun!

Idolatry

2009-10-28T21:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I get home and my husband literally has a sermon on the computer running about how Halloween is Idolatry. How because we have our children dress up and put jack-o-lanterns on our porches is evil and the influence of the devil. Okay first and foremost let's define idolatry. According to dictionary.com 'idolatry' is defined as the excessive worship of idols and as excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc. So, because NUMBER ONE Halloween lasts ONE day I seriously doubt that can be considered excessive. NUMBER TWO who the hell worships a stupid pumpkin? I mean really? My husband gave me all this crap on the phone this afternoon about the end of days of the new world order. Really? What the hell is wrong with these people? Now, I believe in God and I believe in Jesus. But, seriously people need to get a grip, especially my husband. Luckily my children are too young to buy into nonsense. I'm not saying the Bible doesn't have merit. I'm saying twisting it for someone's personal message is wrong and secondly the end of the world has been predicted hundreds of times if not thousands. Um, note to those who predicted the end of the world... still here! Anyway, I'm sure the world will end and all I'm saying is I have no idea when this is coming, spewing fear into people is ignorant. This is my opinion. Feel free to agree or disagree. Cause either way I don't give a crap.

Random Information

2009-10-26T22:40:00.000-05:00

So, my youngest son Dakota just woke up screaming. I guess he had a nightmare. Not sure what nightmares a nine month old can have. But, anyway I naturally went to grab him because he was upset and calm him down. My husband came out throwing a fit because he can't sleep and saying I should have just let him cry. Like it's my fault he's been trying to go to sleep for an hour? Dakota was up and crying for maybe ten minutes before he calmed down and fell back asleep. Is it me or can husband throw fits as big or bigger than the kids? LOL!

So, my co-worker and I have been talking about adoption because of some of her friends are going through it. I read a blog where someone had just recently adopted a new baby. They were there in the room when the mother relinquished her rights. That tore out my heart. She made a statement about that being the ultimate act of love for the child. Knowing that you can't take care of it and putting the needs of the baby before your own. I just kept thinking, I don't think I'm that strong. I don't think I could give one of my kids away. Perhaps it's because I'm at a different time in my life and I can provide for my children. I would do anything for them including moving mountains. But, I'm not sure I could give them up. They are my heart and my world. I commend the mothers that know they are incapable of providing for their children and choose adoption. And for the adoptive mothers willing to step in. Both are probably stronger than I. Although I guess it depends on the perspective. I got sober before I had children so that I would be a good mother. Since having my children I've obtained my Bachelors and am currently working on my Masters. I'm not there yet but I continue to attempt to improve myself so that I can be a better mother. If I were extremely young, perhaps that would be different. But, being that I'm in the last few months of my 20s I'm grateful that I grew up enough to become a mother. Without them I wouldn't be who I am and wouldn't have the motivation and clarity that I do. They are my fuel and what keeps me going. I truly believe that if God loves me half as much as I love my kids then He can do anything.

So, today my team and I participated in dress for Halloween at work. I must say that my co-workers far outdid me. We did an 80's theme and they were completely over the top. I'll post pictures when they become available (they were taken with my co-workers camera). So, once she puts them on facebook I can transfer some. But they were absolutely hysterical. Seriously, it was awesome.

But, I digress I suppose it's time for bed. Good night bloggers.

Bobot

2009-10-26T22:24:00.000-05:00

Bobot is a main theme in our house and has practically become a family member. My son is obsessed with transformers and anything related to them. We bought him the first transformers movie two weeks ago and needless to say I have watched that movie several times during that timeframe. We bought him transformer shoes that light up over the weekend. He slept in them last night. He is also being a Bobot for Halloween which is absolutely adorable. He calls the mask his Bobot Hat. The unfortunate thing is that half the time I have to tell him he can't wear it because I've already had to mend two holes in it because of his extensive use of it. I cannot wait to take him trick-or-treating. I work in Accounting, so when month end comes I usually have to work really late. Last year I worked until after 10. So, this is my first year that Halloween falls on a Saturday and that means I get to take my beloved boys out on the town. Okay, not really the town. However, we'll be driving 3 miles over to my Dad's house to go trick-or-treating. There are more kids in his neighborhood so I think they'll have more fun. Dakota is so laid back that I think he'll just enjoy the ride. This day is really going to be more about Dustin this year. Perhaps next year Dakota will get more into it. But, being that he's only nine months he'll be strollering it this year. Below are some pix of Dustin in his Bobot costume. Love these!

Boss' Day

2009-10-26T22:18:00.001-05:00

So, on boss's day my co-workers and I went all out. We completely decorated my boss's office in Barney. Yes, Barney. Now the story behind that is Barb hates Barney. Being the twisted person that I am I think that when you love someone you torture them and show you care all at the same time. So, we put various pix of Barney all over her walls and she had a ton of fun. It's so nice to be on a team where we all get along and have a lot of fun together. Below are some pix of the day.

Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-26T22:10:00.001-05:00

Well the first weekend in October some co-workers and I took my boys to the Flower Mound pumpkin patch. We had so much fun. Dustin rode a horse for the first time. After that Dustin felt like he needed to ride piggy back on me. I guess that walking thing is over-rated. He also spent some time sliding down the bounce house slide. Of course he needed help getting up there because it was difficult to get up there. Dakota spent the time being cuddled by everyone. What a fun day!

Be Grateful for What You Have

2009-09-19T19:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to a meeting and I heard a girl share that her 15 month old daughter was found dead in her apartment with her boyfriend a month ago. She had a lacerated pancreas. The police think there was foul play and she is under suspicion for neglect as the result of leaving her with her father (the boyfriend). She was eight months sober when it happened and has miraculously made it through the first month sober. Aside from everything and the circumstances regarding the death, I cannot even fathom her pain. I think worse than actually not being able to have a child would be to lose one. It is my absolute greatest fear. I'm not sure that I would want to be in a world that my children were not in. I'm sick in that I think at least I have two, in case something horrible happened I would be required to keep it together for the other one. Because if I was suddenly childless I'm not sure I would be able to keep it together let alone eat, breathe, and function. My children are my life's blood. They are my soul and heart melded into one. Be grateful for what you have and for the events that have not happened to you.

Silence is Golden

2009-09-18T18:05:00.000-05:00

The house is pretty much quiet. The animals are making noise, but then I guess it wouldn't be my circus if there wasn't something else causing noise somewhere in the house. I've got the house to myself for about another hour before the circus gets here. We have my step-son this weekend as well. It's nice having him around. I'm kind of enjoying the quiet for the moment. I love it when it's the middle of the night on the weekend at like midnight. Then the house is quiet and mine to enjoy. Of course usually about that time I'm exhausted and padding off to bed. But every now and again I get to enjoy the night. Don't get me wrong I love the boys (bear, bug, kooter, and dill) i.e. (Darrell, Dustin, Dakota, and Dylan), but sometimes its nice to have some quiet time.

Six Years

2009-09-12T12:50:00.000-05:00

Well, last Sunday I passed my sixth year of sobriety. As I scroll back through these six years, it's hard to believe that the time has passed so quickly. When I started on this journey I was terrified, absolutely terrified. I was almost immobile with fear. I recall waking up on the morning of September 5th, still raw and hungover. The previous night, I had asked my Dad to help me to get sober. As he walked me to my car, he told me he didn't have the energy. I had already taken him on a four year non-stop drinking binge with me and he'd been weakened emotionally as the result of my actions. I didn't blame him. But that didn't stop the tears from falling. I couldn't stop. The comfort wouldn't come. I felt hopeless. I lived in Phoenix at the time and my mother lived in Fort Worth, TX. Utimately after about an hour of driving home, getting ready ready for work, and trying to become composed enough to go into work I gave up. I drove back to my Dad's house and googled directions to Texas. It was 1,080 miles. I'd never driven that far. I walked out of my life that day and have not really looked back. I drove to Texas and to a rehab. My Mom found the rehab and my insurance covered it. I stopped in Odessa Texas and that's where my last drunk was. Thus, why my sobriety date is 9/6/03 versus 9/5/03. Nevertheless I was admitted to rehab on Monday 9/8/03. Things have always come easy for me, learning, school, making friends, but this was difference. I wouldn't say it was easy and I wouldn't say it was completely unfathomable either. I wanted to change my life with every fiber of my being. I wanted more out of life than what I had made of it. I knew I deserved better. I knew my family deserved better. So, here we are six years later. I never thought I'd make it this far. I guess I just never considered it. I didn't have much hope then. Now, I look at my life and it's a completely different vantage point. I find myself knowing that I am capable of so much more than I previously gave myself credit for. I have made it through both the good and the bad and to a newly recovered alcoholic sometimes the good can be more terrifying and foreign than the bad. Life has not been a bed of roses but the aroma is definitely that. I love the fact that I am no longer a slave to a liquid. I know who I am and am comfortable in my own skin. Even six years ago today I couldn't have said that. I'm more blessed than I can say. My children have a sober mother. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful family. My Dad ended up moving out here to Texas after I gave birth to my first son. I was almost three years sober when I gave birth to him. My journey is definitely different now but no less of an adventure. I enjoy the twists and turns. I love the problems I have today. I worry about potty training and not the way I behaved in a black out yesterday. My life is just that, mine. I am free to do with it as I want. I have done the things and accomplished things in these six years that I never dreamed I would do. Especially getting my Masters degree. I'm more than halfway done and am amazed that I made it this far. In a perfect world I would have done things in the right order, gotten the degrees, found the husband, and then had kids. But, then that wouldn't be my story, would it? I've learned that just taking that first step that's the hardest is often the best one to make. I've learned that when the world seems to be falling down around you that there is still hope. I've learned that I am whatever I believe I can be. Thank you GOD for all you've inspired me to do.

Due Diligence

2009-07-23T20:25:00.001-05:00

Well, this has been a SUPER busy week. I haven't posted in awhile in due to time constraints. Tonight was a productive night for the boys and I. We went for a long walk (about an hour). Dustin spent most of the time walking our rat terrier named Bonnie. Although, she pulled him too hard at one point and he fell down and got a nasty scrape on his knee. So, we got that bandaged up once we got home. So, the dogs and the kids, save Dakota, got some good exercise. Once we got home we had some lime popcicles. Dakota shared mine and boy does he love licking those! Then it was shower time. Dustin was quite brave considering his newly obtained ouchie. Afterwards it was a brief playtime followed by a book and then bed. Nothing like Cat in the Hat to shut down the night. Dustin has recently acquired the bad habit of sucking his thumb. It makes me irritated however I think he regressing a little bit because he sees how much attention his little brother gets. I'm told that is normal, however I don't want him to mess up his teeth. I still have the Cat in the Hat rhymes in my head. I find myself wanting to rhyme as I write this.
Work is a never ending series of work. LOL! Although, they did move me to a corner cube which seems more spacious. Although, it's the same size as the others. I enjoy working in a corner cube after two years in the middle of everyone. It only took me 3.5 years to get a corner cube. :) Perhaps I'm moving up in the world.
My friend and I were talking today about adoption. What a difficult situation that would be to go through. I told her that the people that adopt must be stronger than me. She's had infertility issues, which my sister is now experiencing. Of course since I have no experience with either and I can only empathize with those individuals. It takes great courage do tread both paths. I'm lucky that when I wanted kids that I was able to conceive. With Dustin I accidentally missed three birth control pills (not in succession) and poof I was pregnant. He was the best oops I've ever done. With Dakota I tried for three months and became pregnant. I know how much I love my children and am in awe of people that have to walk the difficult path to experience such a wonderous gift. I'm sure that it makes it that much sweeter. However, I by no means take my children for granted. I realize that they are the best gift I've ever received and feel undeserving of such a wonderous gift. I become angry when I hear people tell young women (teens) that a baby will ruin their lives. I'm NOT saying I condone teen pregnancy, however I think a baby is a wonderful gift and telling someone that it will ruin their life is a travesty. It can be difficult and trying at times. However, I view my children not as something that I must SURVIVE, but as something I'm blessed to experience. Things are difficult right now due to finances, but at the end of every day I can look at my children and know that whatever I must go through to ensure that they are okay is well worth the effort. God Bless those that must walk difficult paths to experience what I have been given so freely. For they must be stronger than I.

Economic Hardship

2009-07-11T09:24:00.000-05:00

As we all know, the economy is in quite a state fand has been fr the past eight or nine months. I know that my family has been affected considerably during the past few months. Due to the economy, I was promoted in January but was unable to receive a raise. We are obligated to wait until next April to receive our raise. A few factors affect our current situation. Given that I received my Bachelor's degree in Business Management a year ago in July and that I am currently pursuing my Masters in Business Administration I feel that I should be paid equal to what I could earn with my degree. I have basically had the same job for 3.5 years. Thus, I am not being paid what someone with a degree would earn. That being said, we've also had a recent addition to our family. We are also not allowed to work overtime at work. Thus, it is increasingly difficult to get our bills covered. I know that others have it far worse than we do, but we are still feeling the burn.
Although, the best thing that I can say about this situation is that at least I have my family. Without the support of my husband nor the joy that my children bring, it would be impossible to survive this difficult time. I have been operating through brief periods of depression followed by longer periods of optimism. It's difficult to remain positive during this time, but it seems like the only route to go. Having my children is a great relief and source of inspiration for me. When I had Dustin, I decided to finish my Bachelor's degree and when I had Dakota I decided to obtain my Masters degree. My children make me want to be a better person. Although this time is difficult, I hope that it will soon pass. I don't know what the future holds, nor do I understand the path that God has laid out for us. However, I hope and pray that our turmoil will result in a time of plenty.

In Memory of Chris Logan

2009-06-25T09:17:00.001-05:00

When we know someone who has passed on seemingly in the prime of life we are taken aback and wonder at the futility and randomness of such an event. Perhaps we review our own life and mortality and contemplate areas of improvement or perhaps when around our loved ones we take one extra moment to tell them we love them. No method of grieving is incorrect and it comes in all forms. Some become angry, some become depressed, and others laugh nervously. When someone dies before they have truly lived, what do we grieve for? We acknowledge their family and those they left behind. A wife and small child. The wife who will never be held in the arms of her husband and never hear his voice again. The child, robbed of so many father-son moments will never be the same. He will never be taught to ride his bike, or throw a ball, or watch in awe that his father can run so fast or throw so far. And the man who will miss the most important aspects of his life. He’ll miss watching his son grow into a man. He’ll miss his high school and college graduation. He’ll miss the wedding and birth of his grandchildren. He’ll miss it all and he will be missed. Life is so short and so brief. Cherish the important things, family and friends, the rest is just obligatory. The relationships formed and the people we meet along our journey touch a thread in time that ripples on-ward and out-ward toward infinity. Tonight I will go home and thank God that both my boys will have both parents. Problems? I don’t have any, I just thought I did.

Dakota Weber

2009-06-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

Well, my little gremlin has two ear infections. Poor little man. When I woke up this morning at 5:00 a.m. he had a fever. I gave him some Tylenol and 45 minutes later he felt the same. I gave him a small dose of Motrin and took him temperature an hour after that because he still felt hot. It was 102! So, I took him to the doctor and he whimpered at her in this pathetic little voice. I was crestfallen. Anyway, so obviously we're home now and his fever is manageable. He's crashed out next to me now. The good news is that he's keeping his food down. Although, I'm told he threw up yesterday at daycare. I'm just glad he seems to be feeling a little bit better. He's such a sweet baby. After his fever went down he was smiling at me again, seemingly more like his old self.
I love my little angels.

Waterbug - The Glorified Roach

2009-06-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

There is practically nothing I hate more in this world than roaches, call them waterbugs, call them what you want. I absolutely cannot stand roaches. They make the hair stand up all over my body. As a child, when we were about to move into a new house, we went to check it out and it had a fireplace. I was about five or six. Now, who comes down the chimney but good old St. Nick, right? WRONG! I went to go look up the chimney by myself and stepped closer to the chimney a bunch of roaches scattered. It scared the ever living $hit out of me. To this day I absolutely abhore roaches. I cannot stand them if they are alive. If they are dead I can semi-manage if. I've even gotten the courage to vacuum up the bodies when I've had to. But, tonight I was sitting on the couch and eating some spaghetti but what should literally happen to land right next to me on the side table? But, a huge waterbug errr roach. I started screaming. I ran to the kitchen to get the bug spray and starting saturating the couch. Needless to say it started running and running all over my stuff, my text book, my couch, ewwwww. Of course this entire time I was screaming. I tried not to, but couldn't seem to shut up. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Dustin was in the room? Of course. So, what happens if the one person you look to for support, comfort, and a sense of overall safety is running around screaming? Right, you start screaming too. Lord knows what we're screaming over, but something MUST be amiss. Needless to say I pointed at the Ewwww and was screaming. Once I killed the stupid thing I went back for Dustin and the poor child was crying and screaming and clinging to me like the world was ending. So, to make a long story short, I'm pretty sure that I just traumatized Dustin for life. Pretty sure any time he sees a roach he's going to scream bloody murder. So, I'm happy to report that I passed on my panic. Actually, I'm not happy about it at all. I guess you had to be there but in the end it's kind of humorous. Dustin and Mommy screaming. Dustin's screaming because Mommy is screaming. Why is Mommy screaming? I don't know, but if she is then f&*k it, so am I. Did I mention Dustin is sleeping with me tonight? Hmmm, be careful of ALL of your actions around your child. With my luck, this will be Dustin's first memory.

Saturday Morning

2009-06-13T08:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it is Saturday morning! I feel fabulous! Last night I came home and went to bed right away. I basically slept all night. I woke up at various intervals and watched some tv. But, last night was my night to do nothing except what I wanted. What I normally choose to do on my nights off is catch up on sleep. Being a working mother and getting my graduate degree kind of wears me out! I only worked out twice this week, so I'll to work on getting better at that. The boys are both fed and are wearing relatively clean pants. Dustin put on his own shoes for the first time and he's got them on the wrong feet. He's riding his tricycle around the house with shoes on the wrong feet, wearing a diaper and has one ass cheek hanging out. Luckily we're in the comfort of our own home so I'll let him go for a little while before I get up and fix it. I have four homework assignments due on Sunday night and the house needs its weekly cleaning. So, that's pretty much my to-do list for this weekend. Other than that I'll be hanging out with the boys.
Having two children is a constant adventure. It definitely makes my world go round. Everyone at work seems to be pregnant right now and that's interesting. The thing that keeps occurring to me is I'm so glad I'm NOT pregnant right now. After I get my masters degree then we'll talk about adding another member to my family. Although, I'd rather just have the baby and skip the whole pregnancy thing. It's not doing wonders for my figure. However, the end result always makes my heart sing. My children are the world to me. Dustin with his quirks, and Dakota with his smiles steal my heart every second of every day. I don't get why people wouldn't want kids, but then not everyone is exactly like me. That's probably a good thing. One of me in this world is more than enough.

Chunky Butt

2009-06-10T21:34:00.001-05:00

Chunky Butt is our nickname for our youngest, Dakota. He's such a precious little ham. His favorite hobbies include listening to himself talk, smiling at people, shaking his head back and forth really fast to get dizzy, pooping, eating, and hanging out with Mom and Dad. These are his action shots. He turns five months on the 21st of this month. I cannot believe how quickly time is going by. It seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital waiting to take him home and now he's getting to big. He goes in for shots on the 25th of this month. At the same time I'm taking his older brother in for his 3 year well visit. That's where we'll talk to the doctor about potentially getting a speech therapist for Dustin. So, we'll see how that goes. I've been doing flash cards with Dustin to see if he'll start picking some stuff up. He's trying to say new things with me only working with him for five days. So, that's at least some progress in the right direction. I noticed that when I was home on maternity leave with Dustin his vocabulary and speech improved in leaps and bounds. When we're around other people Dustin, who is typically very verbose around me, is suddenly very quiet. So, I wonder if I need to be his speech therapist. I guess that's another question I'll pose to the doctor. But, in the meantime the flash cards can't hurt.

I got frustrated earlier because we were having tornado warnings in the area and today was Darrell's day to watch the boys. I got woken up after an hour nap. I'm not very thrilled when I get woken up. Can't I just have a night to myself? It's been over a week and a half since I've had one to isolate and be left alone. But, I suppose with a house full of people and Ewww being left alone is an improbable proposition. I'll dream of the day when I have a few minutes alone.

Ta Da!

2009-06-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I actually did all that I set out to for today. The house is clean except for the newest addition to our tumbleweed pile, again compliments of my Chow. My homework is done and I went to a meeting. All in all a productive day. Now I get to go back to work and do that work thing for five more days. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm. It's 10:30 and my three year old is still awake. I had to change his diaper and clothes again because he had some more Ewww going on. It's amazing how much Ewww all the things in my life produce. Between the kids, the cat, and both dogs I'm forever surrounded by various Ewww's. Although, for today and right now it's under control. I'm waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in so I can go get some sleep before I go back to battle tomorrow. I would be watching tv comfortably in my room right now except Darrell is having trouble falling asleep. I get blamed for enough stuff around here, I don't need that on my list as well. Funny how when the kids have a mess, suddenly it's like I inherit it. Why is that? Just wondering.
So, the meeting I went to was for newcomers in AA. What's weird about that is people that are newly sober are quite interesting and basically make no sense because most of them are still fuzzy from their drinking. So, I basically went and listened to a bunch of people random about stuff that made no sense. So, that was fun. Glad I'm not newly sober anymore because I'm sure at that stage of my sobriety I made absolutely no sense either. In September I'll have six years. Man, the time flies. I swear, it seems surreal to say that I've been sober almost six years. I remember when I thought a month of sobriety was a long time. Of course it is if you are just getting sober. Of course, with any luck and some diligence on my part I won't have to go through the first few days of getting sober again. Once was enough for me. And being sober is definitely the easier, softer, way.
My Dad came over tonight and hung out. We had turkey burgers for dinner. They were yummy. Unlike some other people I know I'm not losing my post baby weight as quickly as I'd like. What a beat down. Although, when I look at Dakota it was so worth it. He's such an amazing little soul. He's like a little ray of sunshine. So is Dustin my oldest. We went on a walk earlier and he turned around held up his arms for a hug. So, I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. It's great when they can return the affection you feel. That's an amazing gift. An amazing gift I get to experience sober. What a wonderous world we live in.

To Do List

2009-06-07T09:09:00.000-05:00

I would love to say that I was the most diligent Mom or wife yesterday. I had such good intentions of getting the house cleaned and my homework done. Did all of that happen? Um no. Although I did clean my boys' rooms. Dustin's was semi-gross. Here shortly its time to bust out the motivation. Caffeine is already in motion. I have three assignments due tonight so I'll have to get on those as well. I figure I can do some of that while the boys are taking a nap. Dakota is watching tv next to me. He likes the lights on the tv.

Auto Pilot

2009-06-06T08:52:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever been operating on auto pilot? I was asleep this morning when I heard banging (my 3 year old). Apparently I had the audacity to sleep until 8:19. Apparently that 20 minutes later than my normal alloted sleep time. My four month old was screaming at the top of his lungs and my 3 year old was talking to himself. People get cranky when they don't eat. I know I do. It's about 40 minutes later and I'm still asleep I think. I'm patiently waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Although, my youngest son is watching me type and is completely fascinated by it. It's the hands, newborns love hands and mine are evidently very exciting for the moment. Both kids have clean pants and have been fed. So, the emergency situation I awoke to has passed. Looks like the verdict is both kids will live. Phew! They were worried. Pretty sure they are going to file a complaint with management about the tardiness of their breakfast. Of course, that's to be expected. Dustin is banging his cup now which means he needs a refill. Hmmm, his immediate dilemma has been solved. He'll have to wait a minute.

As soon as the caffeine kicks in I'll have to go on a hunting excavation. More juice is on the first of the list. The second is tackling some of the Ewww going on in my house. What is it with young kids you develop a new terminology. For instance, I sometimes catch myself telling someone I need to go "potty." I guess sometimes I forget that I'm talking to adults. Dustin spilled his juice on his high chair lids which has a cup holder. He's now sifting the juice from the cup holder into his cup. Got to give him points for ingenuity. Kids and animals have an amazing gift for destroying a perfectly clean house. I sometimes wonder if I'm in the old west. I see hairballs rolling around on the tile floor compliments of my shedding Chow Chow. Random stickiness on my tile floor makes me cringe and need to wear shoes for sanitary purposes. It's amazing how many times I say in reference to my three year old, "probably won't killl him." For instance, eating dog food out of the dog bowl is probably not something that will kill him. At least it hasn't yet. I think I'm exhausted because I actually had an exciting night out on the town. The boys and I went over to a friends house and were let our boys play. We were out until 9:30. You know you've almost reached 30 when you think that's a late night. So much for a wild night life I was used to when I was 21. Anyway, my son is busy making a busy another mess. The caffeine is thankfully starting to kick in. I'll be busy trying to clean the house and hairballs, while Dustin diligently makes more messes. First on my list... wash Dustin's bedding. His diaper leaks and that's gross. Like I said... a bunch of Ewww to clean up.

My Three Year Old

2009-05-31T21:25:00.000-05:00

My 3 year old son, Dustin, is perfect. He has been the joy of my life since the day I found out I was pregnant with him. We recently added a new perfect member to our family, Dakota, my four month old. I'm worried about my three year old. He has what I would term as speech delay. His comprehension is amazing and I can tell that he understands and "hears" me. He communicates with me in both verbal and non-verbal ways. However, he's no where near as verbal as other three year olds I have seen. He's intelligent and does express himself verbally. Such as, "I brush teeth." "I eat... more eat." So, I guess the only thing for me to do is take him to the doctor and try to get him into speech therapy. I mean, it's hard being a parent and wanting to have conversations with your child. I thought I would by now. He talks all the time, just in his own language. I've also noticed he talks to me more than anyone. When we are around other people, he barely says any of the things he normally does to me. Perhaps he's already feeling pressured. I'm a pretty laid back Mom in terms of letting him be himself. He is disciplined and for the most part well-behaved. Although, he does like to drink out of the dog dish. But, I associate that more with being a boy and young than an "issue." He's never reallly had any behavioral problems to speak of. Anyway, I'm signing off.