A Little Too Much Perfect

Okay, so I went to the doctor for my third child's first sonogram and he/she's beautiful. The heartbeat is 170 beats a minute and I was dead on accurate in determining my due date of January 9th. Below are the sonogram pictures of my newest little blob. He or she is developing wonderful. Except for the fact that I gained 7 pounds in a little over two weeks. I've been drinking WAY too much milk. Cause I'll through like half a gallon... so I'll need to switch back to water to keep the weight thing under control. Although my doctor didn't really say anything much about the weight... so I guess it's not that big of a concern. Actually, come to think of it I neglected to ask her why I've been more short of breath with this pregnancy than with the others... but I got a little sidetracked.




As my Aunt jokingly told me when I told her this news... she said you've had way too much perfect... time for you to have a little drama. To which I responded that she was right. Evidently I have HPV and some pre-cancerous cells. I'll have to have another pap smear in a few weeks to determine the level of pre-cancerous cells. Apparently there are three levels. Type I, II, and III. They are already sure that I have Type I and Type II. However, we're not sure if I have III. I guess the higher you get the closer you are to cancer. HOWEVER, even if I had cancer falling out everywhere the absolute worst case scenario would be to give me a hysterectomy and take everything out including the baby. HOWEVER, she does not believe I have cancer so therefore that is probably a shot in the dark. More than likely I will have to have a portion of my cervix removed after I've healed from having the baby and I'll have to watch this carefully... meaning lots of pap smears. Personally I think this is just an excuse to put me in those stirrups cause they must know I hate them. ;P Anyway, that's all my news for now. Pray for my little boo bear. If I have to have a hysterectomy at least let it be after the baby is here. Three kids is plenty and I'll be extremely grateful God blessed me with them. They are my little miracles. ;)

Boys will be Boys

I neglected to post anything regarding Dustin's bday and will as soon as I download the pictures.

Well, I'm definitely surrounded by tons of boys. I kind of like it that way... that way when I'm PMSing... I'm the only one bitchy in the house. Except the dog and cat are female. So, I guess that helps even the gender score. There is definitely something to be said for being the only bitch around. I'm not really sure I had an actual point when I began this post... but I guess I'll just run with it.
I've been teaching Dakota to say, "Mom-ma." And everytime he gets it right I clap for him and applaude how amazingly brilliant my one year old son is. Well, the other day Dakota said, "Mom-ma" and started applauding himself without any prompting from me (it was first thing in the morning... and since I don't do tricks first thing in the morning I damn sure don't expect my kids to do them either). It was so adorable. He's growing up so fast. I love the way Dakota gives hugs. He simply puts his head on your lap, leg, arm, whatever... and just pauses there. Then he looks up at you and smiles and repeats this process a few more times. He's such a little angel. Don't worry... I'm enjoying this while it lasts because soon he'll be just like my other little hellion.
Speaking of my little hellion... he also does some incredibly sweet things. Like when he's laying next to me with his blankie, he give me the smallest corner of his blankie and wants to share. He takes such good care of me. And when he whacks the shit out of me doing lord knows what he always kisses my ouchies. Typically he thinks I'm a jungle gym and just jumps on me wherever. He doesn't really have a concept that he can inflict pain since I guess he thinks I'm so much bigger than him and he thinks he's tinkerbell or something. 40+ lbs of tinkerbell can definitely cause some ouchies... luckily nothing serious. He's also very sweet with his little brother and absolutely adores playing with him. It's nice to see them together because Dakota thinks his big brother is the whole world. But, when Dustin does something he doesn't like he screams bloody murder because he knows Momma will come to his rescue... What a handful these two. Love you little bears!

Last Time... Did I speak too soon??

Okay, so while everyone else around me is secretly snickering at me because I got pregnant again. Truly in terms of my current family situation (my IF sis stopped talking to my Mom... that's a long story I'm not going in to) this at least takes the gossip mill off my sister for awhile. I think she was turning into the black sheep... looks like I couldn't let her take my crown for very long. :) LOL! My Dad told me that being pregnant right now seemed like an incredibly stupid thing. I know he's right. I do... and my husband and I have talked about him getting fixed. Perhaps I spoke too soon. It still makes my heart clench a little to think that THIS IS IT! This is the last time I will ever carry a beautiful angel inside my womb. What a depressing thought. With all of the infertility around me... my womb is one of things I love about me most. I understand what it is to see others suffer and am so grateful for my own lack of problems in that arena. I see the heartache, I see the tears, I see the woe. And for all of those things, I know what looks like, despite never having felt it myself. So, perhaps that makes me selfish... that I am grateful... but I am. I'm grateful that my womb never betrayed me like I've seen my sister's do. I think the women that go through IF are so incredibly strong and secretly I don't think I'm as strong as they are. So, I'm just going to be grateful that my womb works even when I wasn't really wanting it to. My best friend is also an IF and is working on that situation right now. I recall in the not too distant past when one of her other pregnant friends was complaining about her pregnancy. This hurt my IF friend dearly. I will be congnizant not to make the same mistake even when this baby begins to kick my ass. And she will. I'm sure it's a girl because I want a boy. I wonder if she'll cuddle with my bladder like my youngest or grind her feet in my ribcage like my oldest. I wonder if she'll have blue eyes like her brothers. I should feel her kick sometime in July. I wonder if she'll be an Xmas baby and loathe me forever because her birthday coinsides with Xmas. :) I hope she's healthy... she'll be love whatever she is. Dakota won't be my runt anymore. Hmmmm... my runt has had a fever all weekend and he's been a little under the weather. I think he's teething again because he's drooling. He likes to cuddle right now and drool all over you. It's very sweet and gross at the same time. This time I'm breastfeeding for much LONGER than I did with Dakota (two weeks)... she's got a lot of weight to take off for me... Dakota's weight and the weight she'll put on my ass. So, I've got two names I already like: Jayden Beverly Duke (this would have been Dakota's name if he'd been a girl) and Dane William Duke if it's a boy. Right now she's just a blob... a little bitty blob... at least that's what she'll look like when we first see her in 4-5 weeks. I wonder what she is... too bad I have to wait until August/September to find out. I'll make my OB appointment on Monday to see what's what. I can't believe I'm having another baby. I'm excited that this time Dustin is old enough to share this experience with me... last time I think he "got it" at the end... when we showed him the baby... and I pointed to my tummy and said, "all gone baby." This time I don't think he gets it yet... but as I get a little bigger he'll understand more. I'm excited to have him feel the baby move. Dakota won't give a shit because he's too little. I wonder if Dustin will try to put his baby sister in the closet like he did Kota. My womb and heart are full. I am grateful. To all of those suffering from IF... I hope that you too are granted your deepest desires and experience motherhood whether via adoption or conception. I read another blog that said Mother's Day forgets about all of the one's that don't have children. Happy Mother's Day IF world. You are not forgotten. You are never forgotten. And if I'm contrary... I don't mean to be... my heart comes from a place a love.

In the land of now's not a good time but I guess it's a good a time as any

So, I found out some news today and it really rocked my world. I found out that I'm expecting my third child. My whole reality seemed to tilt on axis. So, I've kind of rocked back and forth today while I digest the news. Financially this is really not a good time... I mean... really not a good time. But, a part of me is secretly happy. I was ecstatic for a few hours as well. Then I just started thinking about my selfish wants about an hour ago. I just started losing weight, I had just started working out again, I was just beginning to enjoy my life the way it was without school and with the two current boys I have. I was actually even beginning to think that I may not want anymore children at all because I want to be able to give the two children I have all that I am. Now I'm plagued with fear... how will I support this child... shit I was taking diet pills... did they harm my unsuspecting baby. Dammmit! So many things to worry about. And then I think... I knew it... I knew I was pregnant. I've had all the warning signs all month. First I was overly emotional especially for me. I always have to pee all the time... but I had to pee even more than usual and then I felt quesy this morning. Damn, double damn. I'm scared... that's the truth. More than anything I want to know that this baby is okay and healthy and that I will have the strength to give it my all.
As I had begun thinking about the selfish stuff in my life I read some infertility blogs derived from my best friend's blog and other blog I follow. In my best friend's she's having to have surgery to continue her journey to expand her family. In the second blog, the woman is currently pregnant but it seems to be a very difficult pregnancy as the baby is measuring behind and they are worried about the total welfare of the child. That baby may not make it. I think being so close to infertiles this pregnancy will make me so much more paranoid about the health of this baby. I already feel so much more paranoid than I did with my first two. And the reality is... I need to calm the 'f' down. The good news is that today is the first day I've known that I am pregnant so I'm going to allow myself the little tantrum of freaking out. At least temporarily. I can't run around screaming at the top of my lungs because that would stress out the other people in the house, especially my boys. When Momma isn't happy... neither is anyone else. So, I really was going someplace when I mentioned the infertile blogs that I was reading. I also read a couple of other blogs and the reality is... there are so many women out there right now that would kill just for the chance to "accidentally" get pregnant. So I'd better get extremely grateful in a hurry.

You're in the Way

Okay, so there are a few things I want to cover under this post because I think they are so freaking hysterical.
First: Yesterday Dustin had placed his Bobot in the center of the floor and was circling it with his tricycle. Well, Dakota wanted to get a piece of that the shiny red Bobot. So, he kept crawling forward to grab the robot. Eventually Dustin grabbed Dakota, opened up the broom closet and started shoving Dakota into the closet. Dakota started whining in protest. Meanwhile Dustin kept shoving, saying, "bye bye Kota, bye bye." I almost died it was so funny. Luckily I rescued Dakota and reprimanded Dustin in between giggles.
Next we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond because I had gift cards. While we were there I bought Dustin some M&M's. He dropped one on the floor while we were on our way back to the house. We swung by Wendy's to grab something to eat and continued on our way home. After eating, my Dad, husband, the kids, and I all gathered out front to enjoy part of the nice day. All of a sudden Dustin starts running across the lawn toward my car, opens the car, and crawls inside. Darrell runs after him and Dustin gets out of the car with the lost M&M already in his mouth. Again I was laughing hysterically. This is definitely why I had kids. So, they could amuse me.
So those were Sunday's adventures. I had a great time on Sunday with the boys for sure. Today we had to go back to our daily routine because it was Monday and that sucked. But, when we got home we went to the park for awhile. That was a blast. I've decided that the way you realize you are old is when a group of teenagers is sitting there near the swings peer pressuring the one couple to kiss and when I walk up with my kids they all cease talking and start whispering. Geez. HOWEVER, at least I have Dustin because he was all up in their business. They were even joking that my son got further with the "girl" than her boyfriend. So, at least my son has got skills. I may be over the hill in the eyes of teenagers but my son is adorable and can gather a crowd. Dakota diligently sat in the mulch and dug a big hole until he found the wet mulch. When I walked over to him and put the mulch back so he wasn't getting all muddy he looked up at me disgusted like, "shit Mom I just dug that hole NOW I have to start ALL over again." And then he proceeded to re-dig his hole. When we were on our way home in the car Dustin said, "cake." So, we ran to the gas station got chee.tos, cinnamon rolls, and sprite. Then after we got home we pigged out. Bad Mommy. Bad Mommy. He had gotten quite a workout so it was my turn. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then did 45 minutes of Pilates. Surely that negates my binge, right? I'm going to be hurting tomorrow during yoga.

Dakota's Assigned Duty

I wanted to write a quick post about Dakota's self-assigned dutiy in our household because I think they are absolutely hysterical. Perhaps no one else will share my amusement but since it's my blog I can share whatever I want.
Dakota has assigned himself the task of quality assurance for all of the door stops in our house. He spends a lot of time each day ensuring that the door stops are working properly making sure that they vibrate properly when played with. This is an extremely important job and one that I'm quite proud he took the initiative to take on. Anytime we go into a new room he shuts the door and immediately gets to work on the door stop. He is very dedicated to his work. I truly do appreciate all of his efforts. I'm thinking about nominating him for Employee of the Month because he's so awesome at his job.

Proud Mama

Well, I had two instances during the last week where I was extremely proud of both my little boys. The first one started with Dakota. In one of my previous posts I explained that Dustin inadvertently pushed Dakota in the bathtub causing him to fall backward under the water. Of course Dakota was completely freaking out and had a terrible scare. Well, that was two weeks ago. Last Saturday we were over at my Dad's house and it was bathtime again. This time I was in the bath with Dakota. When I leaned him back to get his head in the water up to his ears (so his face was out of the water) he started to stress out and started whining. Well, I continued to tickle him and smile at him while he was laying back and we repeated this process several more times. By the end of the bath he was comfortable having his ears wet with me only supporting his head while the rest of him floated in the water. I was so proud of Koots for relaxing and learning that the bath could be fun again. It was amazing. He was such a trooper. I could tell that he was learning to trust in the bathtub and he was able to overcome his fear. Later today we will be back over at Dad's and will repeat the process (I only have a shower at my house which is the reason we don't typically take normal "baths"). Typically we only use the toddler bathtub which they can comfortably sit the entire time. I'm putting this in as a note because I do bathe my children more than once a week. But typically there isn't a lot of water in the toddler tub at any given time due to its size. We aren't that archaic. :)
On Monday I went to pick up the boys from the daycare. I put Dakota in the car and went to put Dustin in his seat. Well he switched his seat four times alternating between sitting right next to Dakota in the middle to wanting to sit next to the window. Finally, I got annoyed enought that I just strapped in his seat and he started screaming bloody murder. He screamed for ten minutes straight. Once we were at a light I turned to him and told him that he would be getting a spanking when he got home. He started screaming louder. Finally he stopped screaming and throwing a fit. I told him that when he was naughty that the nice thing to do would be to apologize and to say sorry. I told him that he had to be good. I asked him if he wanted to play when we got home. He nodded his head. I told him that he needed to be nice. I asked him if he was going to be nice. He nodded his head again. Of course once we got home these memories faded swiftly. We had dinner. Dustin's newest obsession is to take hostages into his room and play with them. This includes dogs, or the cat, or he will drag Dakota down the hall and into his room. Well despite my insisting that he leave Dakota alone he drug him down the hall and into his room anyway. I was attempting to finish my homework at the time (the last few assignments before I finished my Masters) so I just kind of let Dustin finish. It wasn't until I heard him dump his ENTIRE ginormous bin of toys on the floor that I become incensed. (Sunday he had done the same thing and had taken all the clothes out of his drawers as well so we had just gotten done cleaning it up). Anyway, I ran in there and gave Dustin a swat on the butt and took Dakota out of there. I told Dustin to pick up his toys. That's when he started throwing the mother of all tantrums telling me he wanted to play. I repeated that he needed to pick up his toys. He started screaming bloody murder. I went out to the living room and sat down with Dakota. Dustin screamed for about five minutes. Finally he opened the door and instantly became quiet. He padded out to the living room where he said to me, "I sorry Momma, I sorry. I nice... I nice. Please help." I was so amazed. Dustin has never come out and apologize for anything. Evidently our conversation in the car had enlightened him. I was so proud of my Bug. Of course I got up and went and helped him pick up his toys. I'm sure he just figured out that his screaming wasn't doing the job and he thought of an alternate method to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. But, the point is that I was so proud that he apologized.
What an awesome week for my boys! They are both growing up so fast.