A Math Formula They Forgot to Teach Us

Now, I would like to consider myself a reasonably rational person. I've even been told that I'm a pretty calm person the majority of the time. Unless of course you are my husband, then this is not applicable. :) I personally feel that there has been a serious oversight in the education of children concerning a small mathematical formula that should be taught in every school across the nation if not the world. Of course I can only speak for myself in such instances. However, I feel that it is a universal theory that could be applied to millions of situations. Here is the formula that I am referring to:

My Children + The Amount of Time, Effort, and My Ability to Clean the Mess = My Level of Irritation or Rage at Said Mess

Thus, whatever mess my children make + my ability to get rid of said mess is directly proportional to the level of aggravation within me... for instance please refer to the following examples (2).

Baby Powder on Chair

Baby Powder also on TV/Dresser

More Shots

On the Chair

Now, in the case of the above example, powder on the chair and dresser/TV, this does not incite much of a response from me. This is due to the fact that I was able to clean this up in minutes. A little windex and paper towels for the TV and dresser, some water for the chair (fabric) and poof it was gone. You can also tell I was amused because I took a picture.

Permanent Marker on the Tile Floor

Now, one might think this next example would cause me more aggravation because its Permanent Marker. However, this one was actually faster to clean up. I sprayed bleach on it, let it sit, and simply wiped it up moments later. Again you can tell it amused me because I took a picture.

HOWEVER, today Dakota put Permanent Marker on my COUCH. He's lucky he's still breathing. Luckily, I got the majority of the blue maker out with nail polish remover. However, Dakota got a serious spanking and it was then immediately time for him to go take a nap. It didn't even piss me off that he scribbled on my glass table with the same marker. WHY? Because I was able to get it off. Of course, I sincerely frown on his usage of permanent marker and do discipline him when he begins getting into trouble. However, it was definitely the couch that took the cake. God, I was so PISSED. And no I did not take a picture. Remember: Kids + Amount of Mess = Level of Aggravation in Parents. :)

25 Reasons My Life is like a Frat Party

1. Gravity always seems to be a challenge. 2. Hand-eye coordination seems to be completely unreliable. 3. Going to the restroom is always a group endeavor. 4. Random brawls are a frequent occurrence. 5. If someone emits a belch or has flatulence this is cause for hysterical laughter. 6. For some reason unbeknownst to you, the floor is sticky. 7. There are random food wrappers scattered throughout the immediate area. 8. What often appears to be a good idea to those involved is extremely dangerous or idiotic to those with a more sober perspective. 9. The dancing is exceptionally bad and yet somehow endearing. 10. It seems that everyone constantly has the munchies. 11. Every mess probably contains some form of bodily fluid. 12. Privacy is an elusive myth perpetuated by cruel outsiders. 13. The party always seem to congregate in close proximity to any female. 14. Everyone's cup always seems to be mysteriously empty. 15. The speech of the cohabitants is often slurred and difficult to understand. 16. Tread carefully else you may trip over items that have to business being out in the open. 17. Drinking and driving is strongly discourage but frequently occurs. 18. Silverware is a confusing and challenging prospect. 19. No one appears to know how to dress and every individual's style is unique and very questionable. 20. There is definitely a preoccupation with anything phallic in nature. 21. Everyone definitely has an oral fixation. 22. The preference of every individual in attendance is to roam around shirtless. 23. Someone is always wondering who is going to make the next food or drink run. 24. The toilet seat is never down. 25. Hygiene is an ambiguous term.

The Epitome of Gross

If you have a weak stomach, please do not read this post... thanks..

WOW!! I know that my boys are gross by nature. That is what they are supposed to be... however some days it just amazes me how gross they can be. I believe that motherhood and a strong stomach go hand in hand. If anyone told me how gross it would be I may have gotten a cat... no I'm kidding... I love them despite them being gross.

Okay... so let's see what happened today... I got the boys up... Dakota and liquid poop all over him on the outside of his diaper and he proceeds to stick his hand in it... gross.... so... clean him up. Dax also had poop. This is normal even the little ones do poop. So, I got them both cleaned up... Dustin is potty trained thank God.

Then Dustin decides he and brother are going outside to play. This is fine... they have everything they could want outside. Outside they immediately become covered in dirt and chalk (chalk to draw on our pavement). After awhile outside Dustin decides he's going to brush his teeth outside. I walk by the window and both boys are holding toothbrushes and the toothpaste. WTF? Okay, so I go and grab the toothpaste... they can brush their teeth outside... probably won't hurt anyone... but let's leave some toothpaste for the rest of the family. So, now we have added toothpaste to the mix. Mmmmm dirt and toothpaste... yummy combo. In the MEANTIME while they are becoming covered in dirt I am now washing all bedding in their room... they are covered in pee. Gross. I've also now cleaned the toilet which is also covered in pee because Dustin and his Dad I assume cannot keep it inside the toilet because it is too difficult. I go back to retrieve my children as its time to eat. Dakota has liquid shit all over the back of his pants and shirt. Dustin is covered in dirt and proceeds to tell me he's not dirty... yeah right. Kota goes straight into the shower because this is a mess I'll use 3 packages of baby wipes to clean up. His clothes go straight into the washing machine. Dustin puts his dirt covered hands all over my clean bathroom... it now looks like someone put brown hand and foot prints all over the place. Okay... get Dakota rinses off so I can actually put some soap on his scrubby ass. He proceeds to scream the entire time. Dustin manages to clean himself for the most part. Once I finally get them both cleaned off it's time to eat. I fix them both something to eat. Dakota flings it all over the floor and gets it all over his body... arms, legs, face, hands, and feet. Gross. So, I get him cleaned up... then it's time for a nap. I have the urine infested blankets that are not yet washed (I've done 3 loads and made the beds with their sheets and comforters but some of the bedding is not yet done as they like to sleep with smaller fluffy blankets) on the floor. Dakota lays on it insisting he has to sleep with it. I drag him off and put him in his playpen. Dustin is also crying because his favorite blanket is not yet washed. Where is Daxton in all of this? He's been going with me from room to room attempting to correct the carnage his older two brothers have done to the house throughout the week. Thank God he can't crawl, walk, or make TRUE messes yet. He spits up and poops... but that's so mild compared to his older brothers it's unreal.
What's also awesome... the day is only half over... but they aren't going back outside. F that.

My 3 Sons

I thought I would post some pictures of my 3 boys. These are the first ones where I have all 3 of them in one set of pictures. I'm thinking that I may force Darrell to accompany me to my Dad's tomorrow night where I can get some pictures of all 5 of us. That would be amazing. Yes, I think I may just do that. But for now... here are the pix of my 3 midgets.

Kota pouting again...

Awwww.

This one is my favorite.

Gimme... I want to hold him.

Kota gets to hold Dax and smoosh his head.

Smoosh the head.

I love my babies.

Dakota's 2nd Birthday

I'm almost 2 months late in posting the pictures from Dakota's 2nd birthday. However, I thought that I would include them anyway. It was a lot of fun and we had our new addition in attendance although he slept through the entire event. Dakota was largely unconcerned with opening his presents as he was at Christmas. However, he did seem to take to his Tigger.

Dakota and Tigger.

Dakota pouting about something.

Dakota heading for the sippy cup... probably what he was pouting about.

Dustin getting into the presents.

Sup?

Party Favors!

Daddy helps to open presents as does Dustin.

Kota supervises the opening of presents.

Bittersweet

I'm returning to work on Monday March 7, 2011. I have mixed emotions regarding my return. On the one hand I'm extremely excited to get back to working again. I really enjoy my job and learning about General Accounting. I even have a business trip scheduled a week from Tuesday where I'll be gone for 4 1/2 days. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to learn new things while I'm in Kalamazoo. I'm sick in that I missed doing Journal Entries while I've been on maternity leave. HOWEVER, both returning to work and going away for a few days is very bittersweet. I'm going to miss my baby so much. It's going to be hard to be away from him when he's basically been with me 24-7. It's also going to be hard to be away from my boys during my business trip. So, on the one hand I'm really looking forward to returning while on the other hand I'm sad to be away from my boys. I'm sure its perfectly natural and once I get back into the routine of working again that my emotions will level out.

Hooray for Wal.mart!

Just when you think it couldn't get any colder... North Texas weather decides that we need some more snow. So, it snowed like six inches this morning on top of the already snowy atmosphere. Now I'm beginning to wonder if we will actually be able to fly out tomorrow at all. Of course just by looking at the roads I can already surmise that it's going to take 2-3 hours just to drive to the airport since I'm going to have to drive 25 miles/hour the whole way there. So, tomorrow should be fun along with how much fun this week has already been. :P I should finish cleaning the house today before I head out of town. However, my oldest son just asked to go night-night and take a nap. Who am I to argue with nap logic? Exactly. Now if Daxton will just pass out we'll all take a nap. Hopefully a long one. ;) I won't hold my breath. Yesterday I was griping about how claustrophobic I feel in this house. Luckily though I was almost out of formula and thus was forced to endure the horrible weather and venture to Wal.mart. Thank God they are always open because I was able to get Daxton what he needs and Mommy was able to get out of the house before I ended up drowning myself. :P So, sometimes we all just need to get out of the house even for ten minutes. Although because of the horrendous road conditions it actually took me closer to an hour. :) Stay safe everyone!!