Saturday, August 27, 2011


Well we survived the first week of school. Monday was exceptionally brutal... probably more so for me than Dustin. Although Dustin did cry and that ripped my heart out. I think it was more the reality that my baby is really going to grow up and leave me eventually. It's just one step closer to the time when he's no longer mine. I know he's not really mine, it's more like God let me borrow him temporarily to watch over him until he's able to do so himself. So, that reality is always such a let down to me. Because they are my babies and my angels. (Of course as I write this Dustin is torturing Dakota so he's been screeching all morning which is wonderful). I wish they could always be mine because I'm selfish like that. I think when you become a mother you fall so much in love with your children that over time it becomes difficult to let them grow up. It's traumatic for the mother or is in my case. Luckily Tuesday went much better as did the rest of the week. Dustin actually seemed to be enjoying it and doesn't seem to mind it anymore. I'm glad I decided to be the one to take him for the first week. It was important to be there to support him emotionally. Now that he is more acclimated I believe it should be fine for Darrell to begin taking him next week. Of course it turns out that Darrell left Tuesday night to go visit his brother near Waco so I would've had to take Dustin to school regardless. But, I'm just glad it had been my plan all along. It was good for me to see what his schedule/surroundings are like. I'm glad I was able to meet his teacher and see what his classroom is like with all of the kids there. (Dustin and I had attended meet the teacher night.... but being there during the first week of school was different). Dustin has collapsed every night after school because it is such an adjustment to his previous schedule. So, he's definitely been going to bed without us turning his TV on. What's funny is last night I let him have the TV on because it was Friday night but he passed out in like 20 minutes because he was so exhausted from the week's schedule. So, we made it through week one... luckily I have some time before my other two babies go to Kindergarten.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Everything to Everyone

Do you ever feel so stretched sometimes in so many different directions it's difficult to keep track of all the threads? That's sort of how I feel at the moment. However, it's not the number of threads and directions that has me irritated... it's my ability to perfect them all. I feel like I've been "stubbing my toe" in certain areas and have not mastered everything that I should have already workwise and it's bothering me more than I could say. I feel like having to basically be CEO of a household (remembering everything for everyone) and maintaining all the little details (couponing, cleaning, paying bills), etc. have prevented me from being as productive as I want to be in other areas. I feel like I've done so much better in recent weeks in terms of budgeting and watching our spending. I've spent a lot of time couponing and doing other various activities to save money now and in the future. I've seen some small changes and it's been good. I started working out 5-6 weeks ago... haven't seen any changes there... but I feel better so that's good. My house has been in pretty good shape for weeks now (let's not talk about my car). But, I do this one process at work and it started a few months ago. It's not perfect and I'm not perfect at it and that drives me freaking bananas. I sort of want to pull my hair out in frustration with myself. I know that I should have a little more patience with myself perhaps... but I'm sort of beyond that. I'm told that I have a lack of empathy and that definitely includes myself. Meaning I'll give anyone a little to a lot of wiggle room in some areas... but there comes a point when excuses (I'm new at this) or whatever are enough. So, this month better be different or I'm going to vote myself off my own island.