In Memory of Chris Logan

When we know someone who has passed on seemingly in the prime of life we are taken aback and wonder at the futility and randomness of such an event. Perhaps we review our own life and mortality and contemplate areas of improvement or perhaps when around our loved ones we take one extra moment to tell them we love them. No method of grieving is incorrect and it comes in all forms. Some become angry, some become depressed, and others laugh nervously. When someone dies before they have truly lived, what do we grieve for? We acknowledge their family and those they left behind. A wife and small child. The wife who will never be held in the arms of her husband and never hear his voice again. The child, robbed of so many father-son moments will never be the same. He will never be taught to ride his bike, or throw a ball, or watch in awe that his father can run so fast or throw so far. And the man who will miss the most important aspects of his life. He’ll miss watching his son grow into a man. He’ll miss his high school and college graduation. He’ll miss the wedding and birth of his grandchildren. He’ll miss it all and he will be missed. Life is so short and so brief. Cherish the important things, family and friends, the rest is just obligatory. The relationships formed and the people we meet along our journey touch a thread in time that ripples on-ward and out-ward toward infinity. Tonight I will go home and thank God that both my boys will have both parents. Problems? I don’t have any, I just thought I did.

Dakota Weber

Well, my little gremlin has two ear infections. Poor little man. When I woke up this morning at 5:00 a.m. he had a fever. I gave him some Tylenol and 45 minutes later he felt the same. I gave him a small dose of Motrin and took him temperature an hour after that because he still felt hot. It was 102! So, I took him to the doctor and he whimpered at her in this pathetic little voice. I was crestfallen. Anyway, so obviously we're home now and his fever is manageable. He's crashed out next to me now. The good news is that he's keeping his food down. Although, I'm told he threw up yesterday at daycare. I'm just glad he seems to be feeling a little bit better. He's such a sweet baby. After his fever went down he was smiling at me again, seemingly more like his old self.
I love my little angels.

Waterbug - The Glorified Roach

There is practically nothing I hate more in this world than roaches, call them waterbugs, call them what you want. I absolutely cannot stand roaches. They make the hair stand up all over my body. As a child, when we were about to move into a new house, we went to check it out and it had a fireplace. I was about five or six. Now, who comes down the chimney but good old St. Nick, right? WRONG! I went to go look up the chimney by myself and stepped closer to the chimney a bunch of roaches scattered. It scared the ever living $hit out of me. To this day I absolutely abhore roaches. I cannot stand them if they are alive. If they are dead I can semi-manage if. I've even gotten the courage to vacuum up the bodies when I've had to. But, tonight I was sitting on the couch and eating some spaghetti but what should literally happen to land right next to me on the side table? But, a huge waterbug errr roach. I started screaming. I ran to the kitchen to get the bug spray and starting saturating the couch. Needless to say it started running and running all over my stuff, my text book, my couch, ewwwww. Of course this entire time I was screaming. I tried not to, but couldn't seem to shut up. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Dustin was in the room? Of course. So, what happens if the one person you look to for support, comfort, and a sense of overall safety is running around screaming? Right, you start screaming too. Lord knows what we're screaming over, but something MUST be amiss. Needless to say I pointed at the Ewwww and was screaming. Once I killed the stupid thing I went back for Dustin and the poor child was crying and screaming and clinging to me like the world was ending. So, to make a long story short, I'm pretty sure that I just traumatized Dustin for life. Pretty sure any time he sees a roach he's going to scream bloody murder. So, I'm happy to report that I passed on my panic. Actually, I'm not happy about it at all. I guess you had to be there but in the end it's kind of humorous. Dustin and Mommy screaming. Dustin's screaming because Mommy is screaming. Why is Mommy screaming? I don't know, but if she is then f&*k it, so am I. Did I mention Dustin is sleeping with me tonight? Hmmm, be careful of ALL of your actions around your child. With my luck, this will be Dustin's first memory.

Saturday Morning

Well, it is Saturday morning! I feel fabulous! Last night I came home and went to bed right away. I basically slept all night. I woke up at various intervals and watched some tv. But, last night was my night to do nothing except what I wanted. What I normally choose to do on my nights off is catch up on sleep. Being a working mother and getting my graduate degree kind of wears me out! I only worked out twice this week, so I'll to work on getting better at that. The boys are both fed and are wearing relatively clean pants. Dustin put on his own shoes for the first time and he's got them on the wrong feet. He's riding his tricycle around the house with shoes on the wrong feet, wearing a diaper and has one ass cheek hanging out. Luckily we're in the comfort of our own home so I'll let him go for a little while before I get up and fix it. I have four homework assignments due on Sunday night and the house needs its weekly cleaning. So, that's pretty much my to-do list for this weekend. Other than that I'll be hanging out with the boys.
Having two children is a constant adventure. It definitely makes my world go round. Everyone at work seems to be pregnant right now and that's interesting. The thing that keeps occurring to me is I'm so glad I'm NOT pregnant right now. After I get my masters degree then we'll talk about adding another member to my family. Although, I'd rather just have the baby and skip the whole pregnancy thing. It's not doing wonders for my figure. However, the end result always makes my heart sing. My children are the world to me. Dustin with his quirks, and Dakota with his smiles steal my heart every second of every day. I don't get why people wouldn't want kids, but then not everyone is exactly like me. That's probably a good thing. One of me in this world is more than enough.

Chunky Butt

Chunky Butt is our nickname for our youngest, Dakota. He's such a precious little ham. His favorite hobbies include listening to himself talk, smiling at people, shaking his head back and forth really fast to get dizzy, pooping, eating, and hanging out with Mom and Dad. These are his action shots. He turns five months on the 21st of this month. I cannot believe how quickly time is going by. It seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital waiting to take him home and now he's getting to big. He goes in for shots on the 25th of this month. At the same time I'm taking his older brother in for his 3 year well visit. That's where we'll talk to the doctor about potentially getting a speech therapist for Dustin. So, we'll see how that goes. I've been doing flash cards with Dustin to see if he'll start picking some stuff up. He's trying to say new things with me only working with him for five days. So, that's at least some progress in the right direction. I noticed that when I was home on maternity leave with Dustin his vocabulary and speech improved in leaps and bounds. When we're around other people Dustin, who is typically very verbose around me, is suddenly very quiet. So, I wonder if I need to be his speech therapist. I guess that's another question I'll pose to the doctor. But, in the meantime the flash cards can't hurt.

I got frustrated earlier because we were having tornado warnings in the area and today was Darrell's day to watch the boys. I got woken up after an hour nap. I'm not very thrilled when I get woken up. Can't I just have a night to myself? It's been over a week and a half since I've had one to isolate and be left alone. But, I suppose with a house full of people and Ewww being left alone is an improbable proposition. I'll dream of the day when I have a few minutes alone.

Ta Da!

Well, I actually did all that I set out to for today. The house is clean except for the newest addition to our tumbleweed pile, again compliments of my Chow. My homework is done and I went to a meeting. All in all a productive day. Now I get to go back to work and do that work thing for five more days. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm. It's 10:30 and my three year old is still awake. I had to change his diaper and clothes again because he had some more Ewww going on. It's amazing how much Ewww all the things in my life produce. Between the kids, the cat, and both dogs I'm forever surrounded by various Ewww's. Although, for today and right now it's under control. I'm waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in so I can go get some sleep before I go back to battle tomorrow. I would be watching tv comfortably in my room right now except Darrell is having trouble falling asleep. I get blamed for enough stuff around here, I don't need that on my list as well. Funny how when the kids have a mess, suddenly it's like I inherit it. Why is that? Just wondering.
So, the meeting I went to was for newcomers in AA. What's weird about that is people that are newly sober are quite interesting and basically make no sense because most of them are still fuzzy from their drinking. So, I basically went and listened to a bunch of people random about stuff that made no sense. So, that was fun. Glad I'm not newly sober anymore because I'm sure at that stage of my sobriety I made absolutely no sense either. In September I'll have six years. Man, the time flies. I swear, it seems surreal to say that I've been sober almost six years. I remember when I thought a month of sobriety was a long time. Of course it is if you are just getting sober. Of course, with any luck and some diligence on my part I won't have to go through the first few days of getting sober again. Once was enough for me. And being sober is definitely the easier, softer, way.
My Dad came over tonight and hung out. We had turkey burgers for dinner. They were yummy. Unlike some other people I know I'm not losing my post baby weight as quickly as I'd like. What a beat down. Although, when I look at Dakota it was so worth it. He's such an amazing little soul. He's like a little ray of sunshine. So is Dustin my oldest. We went on a walk earlier and he turned around held up his arms for a hug. So, I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. It's great when they can return the affection you feel. That's an amazing gift. An amazing gift I get to experience sober. What a wonderous world we live in.

To Do List

I would love to say that I was the most diligent Mom or wife yesterday. I had such good intentions of getting the house cleaned and my homework done. Did all of that happen? Um no. Although I did clean my boys' rooms. Dustin's was semi-gross. Here shortly its time to bust out the motivation. Caffeine is already in motion. I have three assignments due tonight so I'll have to get on those as well. I figure I can do some of that while the boys are taking a nap. Dakota is watching tv next to me. He likes the lights on the tv.

Auto Pilot

Has anyone ever been operating on auto pilot? I was asleep this morning when I heard banging (my 3 year old). Apparently I had the audacity to sleep until 8:19. Apparently that 20 minutes later than my normal alloted sleep time. My four month old was screaming at the top of his lungs and my 3 year old was talking to himself. People get cranky when they don't eat. I know I do. It's about 40 minutes later and I'm still asleep I think. I'm patiently waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Although, my youngest son is watching me type and is completely fascinated by it. It's the hands, newborns love hands and mine are evidently very exciting for the moment. Both kids have clean pants and have been fed. So, the emergency situation I awoke to has passed. Looks like the verdict is both kids will live. Phew! They were worried. Pretty sure they are going to file a complaint with management about the tardiness of their breakfast. Of course, that's to be expected. Dustin is banging his cup now which means he needs a refill. Hmmm, his immediate dilemma has been solved. He'll have to wait a minute.

As soon as the caffeine kicks in I'll have to go on a hunting excavation. More juice is on the first of the list. The second is tackling some of the Ewww going on in my house. What is it with young kids you develop a new terminology. For instance, I sometimes catch myself telling someone I need to go "potty." I guess sometimes I forget that I'm talking to adults. Dustin spilled his juice on his high chair lids which has a cup holder. He's now sifting the juice from the cup holder into his cup. Got to give him points for ingenuity. Kids and animals have an amazing gift for destroying a perfectly clean house. I sometimes wonder if I'm in the old west. I see hairballs rolling around on the tile floor compliments of my shedding Chow Chow. Random stickiness on my tile floor makes me cringe and need to wear shoes for sanitary purposes. It's amazing how many times I say in reference to my three year old, "probably won't killl him." For instance, eating dog food out of the dog bowl is probably not something that will kill him. At least it hasn't yet. I think I'm exhausted because I actually had an exciting night out on the town. The boys and I went over to a friends house and were let our boys play. We were out until 9:30. You know you've almost reached 30 when you think that's a late night. So much for a wild night life I was used to when I was 21. Anyway, my son is busy making a busy another mess. The caffeine is thankfully starting to kick in. I'll be busy trying to clean the house and hairballs, while Dustin diligently makes more messes. First on my list... wash Dustin's bedding. His diaper leaks and that's gross. Like I said... a bunch of Ewww to clean up.