So, guess what? Another friend found me last night via Face8ook. I met her when I was 21-22ish. She was such a good friend and such a breath of fresh air in terms of everyone else I encountered. We met when I was a Team Lead at a bank.
Side Note: Dakota is ripping apart a magazine on the floor and is waving his spoils in the air in a wonderfully fantastic victory dance. Dustin is holding the dog hostage in his room so they can "play". I'm not sure what his recent obsession is with having the dogs locked in a room with him. I hear him laughing.... hmmmm.... I wonder if he's torturing the dog. I hope not.
Anyway, so I met K at the bank and we started hanging out. I fondly remember ordering steak and eggs from Coco's some mornings and eating it at work. We were such a mess. She had an adorable love of dogs and adopted a pit bull I believe. She was wonderfully outspoken and a completely free spirit. Unfortunately for her she had caught me right when I was at my worst and for some reason she was still friends with me. I lost contact with her after I left Phoenix to get sober and have cyberstalked her from time to time to no avail with finding her. Suffice it to say she found me last night and I do know she's engaged and has relocated from Phoenix. I'm excited to hear more about her adventures. :) God Bless Face8ook.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Middle School Sucked
Back when I was in middle school I was best friends with two girls. We'll call them K and L for simplicity. We were all basically best friends for a time. However, the time came when L decides that she didn't like K anymore. We weren't really sure why and K was quite naturally distraught. Well I tried to play the neutral role for awhile and for short time frame this worked. However, I eventually began to join L when she made fun of K thinking that K would never find out about it. Well a few months went by and things seemed fine except L had another change of heart and decided to befriend K again. That sucked. Guess who got turned on next? Yep, that's right... me. I totally deserved it. L told K all of the nasty things I had said about her behind her back. It was awful. K was seriously hurt and I felt smaller than two inches high. Suffice it to say that I lost my friendship with both girls. That was the end of my seventh grade year.
At the start of my eighth grade year I was gone for the first week because my family and I were on vacation. When I got back my friends were acting really strangely. Turns out that L had convinced them all that I was a lesbian. I'm not, but even if I were, I basically became the social equivalent of a pariah. This did not bode well for my adolescent self esteem. However, I myself had set the ball rolling the year before. So, I have basically concluded that middle school SUCKED... it is not a time frame I wish to relive.
When I got sober I realized what a brat I had been and the depth of my involvement with the situation. Not that I had forgotten or that this was the reason I drank... but that's something you do when you get sober... you review the wreckage of your past and so I looked at mine. I had no idea where to find K to apologize for my behavior and was told that I should do so if the opportunity presented itself.
Guess who I found on facebook not too long ago? The first thing I did was apologize for the awful way I behaved when I was 13. Luckily, K accepted my apology graciously. She seems to be doing wonderful with two beautiful children of her own. I'm grateful today that I am not in middle school... although sometimes situations in present day do seem to reflect the behavior of my old schoolmates I'm so grateful that I'm not there anymore. What a relief. I'm also grateful that I had the opportunity to convey my sincere apology for the harm I caused so long ago. Its one thing to be treated badly but its quite a different kind of pain when you are betrayed by those you are supposed to be able to trust. I inflicted that pain and then it was returned to me. I recall the pain from those days and it took me quite awhile before I emerged from the shell I had surrounded myself with. I still use that shell sometimes... it's a comfortable place every now and again. Although, it doesn't have quite the same fit. I'm bigger now so it gets too snug and I must emerge because alas I am an adult and being adult requires me to face most situations head on. I told my adult friend Chelle that I would like an apology from L... but am definitely not holding my breath. :)
The good thing about today is that I'm a woman and not a girl stuck in between two worlds of childhood and womanhood. Life may suck at times and its always sort of messy, whether it be my son urinating on the floor because he missed the potty, or the emotional upheavals, but at least sometimes you can try and right the wrongs of your past. I do my best to sincerely apologize if I feel that I have wronged someone. The problem with that is in my recent experience in an unrelated event, not everyone takes your apology and that doesn't "fix" everything. Regardless of the curve balls life throws at me I'm incredibly blessed with those people in my life. Especially the women in my life. They are truly amazing. This includes my close friends and family.
At the start of my eighth grade year I was gone for the first week because my family and I were on vacation. When I got back my friends were acting really strangely. Turns out that L had convinced them all that I was a lesbian. I'm not, but even if I were, I basically became the social equivalent of a pariah. This did not bode well for my adolescent self esteem. However, I myself had set the ball rolling the year before. So, I have basically concluded that middle school SUCKED... it is not a time frame I wish to relive.
When I got sober I realized what a brat I had been and the depth of my involvement with the situation. Not that I had forgotten or that this was the reason I drank... but that's something you do when you get sober... you review the wreckage of your past and so I looked at mine. I had no idea where to find K to apologize for my behavior and was told that I should do so if the opportunity presented itself.
Guess who I found on facebook not too long ago? The first thing I did was apologize for the awful way I behaved when I was 13. Luckily, K accepted my apology graciously. She seems to be doing wonderful with two beautiful children of her own. I'm grateful today that I am not in middle school... although sometimes situations in present day do seem to reflect the behavior of my old schoolmates I'm so grateful that I'm not there anymore. What a relief. I'm also grateful that I had the opportunity to convey my sincere apology for the harm I caused so long ago. Its one thing to be treated badly but its quite a different kind of pain when you are betrayed by those you are supposed to be able to trust. I inflicted that pain and then it was returned to me. I recall the pain from those days and it took me quite awhile before I emerged from the shell I had surrounded myself with. I still use that shell sometimes... it's a comfortable place every now and again. Although, it doesn't have quite the same fit. I'm bigger now so it gets too snug and I must emerge because alas I am an adult and being adult requires me to face most situations head on. I told my adult friend Chelle that I would like an apology from L... but am definitely not holding my breath. :)
The good thing about today is that I'm a woman and not a girl stuck in between two worlds of childhood and womanhood. Life may suck at times and its always sort of messy, whether it be my son urinating on the floor because he missed the potty, or the emotional upheavals, but at least sometimes you can try and right the wrongs of your past. I do my best to sincerely apologize if I feel that I have wronged someone. The problem with that is in my recent experience in an unrelated event, not everyone takes your apology and that doesn't "fix" everything. Regardless of the curve balls life throws at me I'm incredibly blessed with those people in my life. Especially the women in my life. They are truly amazing. This includes my close friends and family.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Koots and Bug
Dakota (Koots) pulled himself up to a standing position for the first time on Saturday. He'd had so much fun in the bathtub that he pulled himself up and tried to lift his leg as if to get back into the tub. Well after that it all went down hill. The boys were fighting over a cup. It was more like Dakota was reaching for it and Dustin wouldn't let him have it. Suffice it to say that Dustin accidentally pushed Dakota backward and he fell and went under the water. He started thrashing and freaking out and of course so did I. Dustin got a spanking and everyone was left screaming. So, that was our bathtime adventure. Of course once we all got calmed back down Koots wanted to get back in the bathtub. Mommy said that was out of the question. She's no fun like that. One near drowning experience and she'd had enough of bathtime.
Despite the adventures of being a mother like that it's so much more fun than I ever thought it would be. Like I was telling some friends at lunch about the time two weeks ago it was snowing really hard out and Bug was in the backseat of my car stripping out of his clothes. When he got out of the car he was like, "it's cold." I'm like, "I know, that's why you leave your clothes on until we are in the house." He hasn't stripped since. Of course I figure that learning lesson it at least temporary. He'll be stripping off his clothes in no time.
It's amazing the things they do when they copy you. I think it's quite amusing. For instance, also on Saturday Bug was tickling Koots beyond redemption. My Dad became very frustrated with Dustin for torturing his little brother. Awhile later I had Dustin pinned under me sitting on his legs so he couldn't kick and held his arms above his head while I tickled the sh$t out of him. My Dad was like, "that's where he learned it from." I'm like, "but he likes it...???" As soon as I let him up he wanted to do it again. So, go figure. My Dad's disgust obviously transferred to me. :) Oh well, my Dad used to torture me that way... or at least my sister did... so karmically I'm just passing it along as my children will to their children. What's the point in having them if you can't torture them? That's obviously just my opinion. :)
Despite the adventures of being a mother like that it's so much more fun than I ever thought it would be. Like I was telling some friends at lunch about the time two weeks ago it was snowing really hard out and Bug was in the backseat of my car stripping out of his clothes. When he got out of the car he was like, "it's cold." I'm like, "I know, that's why you leave your clothes on until we are in the house." He hasn't stripped since. Of course I figure that learning lesson it at least temporary. He'll be stripping off his clothes in no time.
It's amazing the things they do when they copy you. I think it's quite amusing. For instance, also on Saturday Bug was tickling Koots beyond redemption. My Dad became very frustrated with Dustin for torturing his little brother. Awhile later I had Dustin pinned under me sitting on his legs so he couldn't kick and held his arms above his head while I tickled the sh$t out of him. My Dad was like, "that's where he learned it from." I'm like, "but he likes it...???" As soon as I let him up he wanted to do it again. So, go figure. My Dad's disgust obviously transferred to me. :) Oh well, my Dad used to torture me that way... or at least my sister did... so karmically I'm just passing it along as my children will to their children. What's the point in having them if you can't torture them? That's obviously just my opinion. :)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Dakota's First Birthday Party
Okay, so I concede that I should have written this like a week ago. HOWEVER, I'm doing it now. Dakota had a wonderful birthday party. My little buddy was unfortunately feeling under the weather. The next day I noticed that his tooth had finally cut through. That was the source of his discomfort. Added to the fact that I kept waking him up to enjoy the festivities and that equals one cranky kid. Although, he did manage to get some cake from Daddy which of course with the blue icing was absolutely adorable. I swear he looked pissed off that we were torturing him though. Oh well, at least we have his birthday pictures to enjoy in the years to come. Below are some of the pictures from his birthday. He's such a beautiful little boy.
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