Merry Xmas

WoW! Talk about a fun Xmas. Seriously, it was a blast. My house got trashed in record time. It was amazing. We had my step son over in addition to my two boys and they wrecked the house in about fifteen minutes. My Dad brought over a home cooked turkey he had been working on all day and we opened presents at three o'clock. Not before Dustin had begun opening some other people's presents. It was fun to watch Dustin. He opened everyone's presents. He wasn't very discerning or discriminatory. At one point he opened a stuffed animal for Dakota provided by Barb (my boss) and Dustin took one look at it and tossed it over his shoulder. So obviously if it didn't interest him he moved onto the next project. He was hilarious. Luckily he got some Bobots and other action figures which amused him greatly. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderful family and was able to share that special day with them. And to top it off it snowed on Christmas Eve so we enjoyed a white Christmas. It was a fabulous day.

Pre-Xmas Craze

Well, this is the calm before the storm. We aren't actually doing Xmas until 3:00 p.m. I'm so freaking excited it's ridiculous. I can't wait to see Dustin's face when he opens some of his presents. Although he has opened two presents.... first he opened a Transformer costume and wore it until his love of running around in his underpants finally won out. I went to put him down for a nap and discovered that his blanket was in less than sleepable conditions. So, I decided to let him open a second present which was a brand new blanket ready for napping. Of course Dustin wanted to get up and open more presents. He even half opened one of Dakota's presents before Mommy got to him. I don't think Dakota will mind. After Dustin had opened the Bobot costume Dakota was playing with the wrapping paper. I like to think that Dakota was practicing for later. I am such a lucky woman to have both of my kids today and presents under the tree. I've tidied up half the house and should be finishing up the rest of it. It's amazing how five days can create such a ruckus with the rest of the house.

The Holidays

Well, the holidays are officially in full swing and I'd love to say I've been completely on the ball. The boys, Darrell, and I have all been fighting a hell of a cold/flu bug for TWO weeks. I'm so disgusted with the whole ordeal. Staying up till 2-3 o'clock in the morning listening to your babies hack and hack and hack is so heartwrenching. Missing 2.5 days of work sucked as well. The first part of this month could have gone better. My car died on my way home from work two weeks ago and then my phone just died on the following Monday. I went through withdraw as I was carless and phoneless for the better part of a week. Luckily for me the car is fixed, got a new phone, and it seems that we are finally kicking the colds. I've been home for awhile now and my kids aren't coughing as they lay in bed. What a relief!
I spent the evening over at my Dad's house wrapping presents for the kids. I thought Dustin barely had any presents and that I'd have to go on a mad dash for more stuff for him before the holiday. Boy am I glad I wrapped presents before I did that. Turns out he's got a ton of stuff. But, there are a few special things I want to get for him despite what my Dad says. :)
At work, we seem to be having a good collections month despite the fact that I was out for half the week. That's good news after we struggled with every hospital all over the country to get them to pay for their operating room equipment last month. Literally, it was like pulling teeth. Luckily our efforts from last month are bearing fruit this month. For that I'm greatful. We really need to keep this ball rolling into the new year. I'd love to see some consistency going on for the next few months. If I'm ever going to move into general accounting then my team needs to be on the top of their game before I take the exit. Not from the company obviously, but from the team I've been a member of for the better part of 4 years. In March it'll have been four years. I love my team and we do great work together. I'll miss that but would enjoy learning more about other areas of accounting. Eventually I'd like to get my CPA (I think) and having a more general accounting background would be useful. Although, I finish my Masters in Business Administration in March and I have to say that I'm really looking forward to being done for awhile. Especially since it seems that DustBug needs my immediate attention and his education also needs it.
I went to the speech therapist again earlier this week to finish up testing for Dustin. Might I begin by saying that Dustin's actual participation during the testing was pretty minimal to non-existant. We've known for awile that his speech isn't as advanced as it could be. But, I'm pretty sure that he flunked with flying colors due to his non-participation. Even stuff he knew because he verbalizes it with me everyday. On Monday, she asked him to say "Momma," and he wouldn't even do that. Seriously Dustin? But, this has spurned my husband and I into action in terms of working with him more on a one on one basis with flash cards and reading. So, that's a good thing. It gets frustrating when you are the only one working on things. I got discouraged awhile ago and have been neglectful on this front. I hate admitting that but it's the truth. Dustin is so bright and I know he is, he just needs more special attention from both of us. The speech therapist said she hoped to get him into a special PreK program in January if they have an opening. He's only 3.5 so hopefully with a year and half in that program he'll be where he needs to be. There's nothing more devastating than being told there is a problem with your child. You feel so guilty and helpless at the same time. What'd I do wrong? Blah, blah, blah. But, it's not the time for pity parties and it's time for action. So, with that said, that's just what we'll do. We've been working with him almost every day this week. Darrell slacked off a day but the days I've been home with I've worked with him. Bribery works well in this situation. Getting him to do what I want for a reward is definitely my method of choice. Now, I must say that I do not agree with bribery to get a child to behave... like if you are good now I'll give you X,Y,Z... but in order to get them to participate in activities they normally find boring I'm all for that. Maybe there's no difference, who knows? Obviously I don't. This is the first time I've ever had a 3.5 year old. So, I'm kind of winging it. Plus, with me learning and school as always come so easy it's ridiculous. Darrell struggles a lot with that which is why he's not the one in school. It's so foreign to me and that's probably why I'm having to go through this with Dustin. I have to learn to understand. Probably one of those master plans and designs someone has for me that I'm just finding out about.
Anyway, I guess this wasn't much of a post about the holidays... but there you go... it'd been awhile since I posted and figured I'd blurt out all of my random thoughts here.

Poor Dustbug

Well, Dustin my oldest son who I also call bug or Dustbug has some sort of nasty something. Not sure if it's the flu but it sure isn't a cold. He was throwing up on Sunday, Saturday Dakota seemed under the weather but now seems fine. By Monday morning Dustin seemed fine so he went to school. Same thing Tuesday morning. However, this afternoon at 3:30 I got a call stating that he had a 103 fever. By the time I got there and I felt him he sure didn't feel like he had a 103 fever. So, the only thing I can figure is that when he was taking a nap and sleeping with his fleece blanket must've compounded the fever. Dustin's fever has been hovering in between 99-100 degrees since I brought him home. He's alternated between seeming semi normal to acting sick. Like asking to go night-night at 6:30. Then when I check on him 45 minutes later wanting to get up and hang out. So, then when he got up around 7 he had explosive poop. GROSS! Seriously, all over the couch. Got that cleaned up. So, he asked to go to bed again and I let him to go to sleep. I check on him around 9:30 and he had explosive poop all over the bed (luckily there's a mattress cover). He had fallen asleep at the foot of his bed attempting to avoid the puddle. Absolutely disgusting. So, I woke him out a dead sleep and put him in the shower to clean him off. He was screaming with discontent but the number of baby wipes I would've had to use to clean him off would've been all five packages we have in the house and would've been just as much of a shock to his sleeping system. So, after I got him all cleaned up I put him to bed on the loveseat thinking I would sleep out in the living room as well so he wouldn't be alone. He just woke up ten minutes ago and had explosive poop again. I'm not a rocket scientist but I'm pretty sure that I'll be working from home tomorrow. I can't in good conscience let my little bug go to school when his stomach is wreaking such havoc on his system. I'll admit it is completely gross though. Hopefully it's all out of his system so he can sleep peacefully and let me get some zzzz's. I went and bought a bunch of gatorade so I can rehydrate him tomorrow. However, his fever is at a steady 99 at this point. Not really high enough to cause great concern but his other symptoms are definitely alarming. At least he was nice enough to wake up and stand up and then explosive poop in his diaper instead of all over the couch. Much easier to contain that way and get rid of. Then he wanted to go back to bed. So, now he's back there probably back asleep. I left the door open and will be sleeping on the couch so he can run out here and grab me if he has any problems. Poor little guy looked super disoriented when he got off the couch from a dead sleep to react to his stomach. I had to tell him 3x that I was across the room. Anyway, that's my gross story. The messes we get to clean up when we are Mom's... definitely something we don't earn medals for and something that definitely makes our stomach made of iron.

Halloween

Halloween was a lot of fun. Dustin of course dressed up like a Bobot. And we had Dakota dressed up like a pumpkin. I can't wait to see the pictures my Dad took. We went over to my Dad's house and took the boys trick or treating and handed out candy there. So, we obviously were a disappointment in the candy-giving department to the kids in our neighborhood. Although normally we do give out candy here so I think they could survive one year without us.
Dustin had a ton of fun. I'm not really sure who had more fun, him or me. Dakota was in his stroller being pushed by my husband so he passed out during the 'walk'. It was a lot of fun. Then when we got back to Dad's house Dustin had fun helping passing out candy to the other kids. I'm glad he got to experience both sides of the equation. At about 9:00 Dad watched the boys for 2.5 hours and Darrell and I went and saw the movie "Paranormal Activity." I loved it. I thought it was awesome. It was the perfect end to a Halloween. Last Halloween I was working really late, so I'm so glad I got to spend this Halloween with my family. It was so much fun!

Idolatry

Okay, so I get home and my husband literally has a sermon on the computer running about how Halloween is Idolatry. How because we have our children dress up and put jack-o-lanterns on our porches is evil and the influence of the devil. Okay first and foremost let's define idolatry. According to dictionary.com 'idolatry' is defined as the excessive worship of idols and as excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc. So, because NUMBER ONE Halloween lasts ONE day I seriously doubt that can be considered excessive. NUMBER TWO who the hell worships a stupid pumpkin? I mean really? My husband gave me all this crap on the phone this afternoon about the end of days of the new world order. Really? What the hell is wrong with these people? Now, I believe in God and I believe in Jesus. But, seriously people need to get a grip, especially my husband. Luckily my children are too young to buy into nonsense. I'm not saying the Bible doesn't have merit. I'm saying twisting it for someone's personal message is wrong and secondly the end of the world has been predicted hundreds of times if not thousands. Um, note to those who predicted the end of the world... still here! Anyway, I'm sure the world will end and all I'm saying is I have no idea when this is coming, spewing fear into people is ignorant. This is my opinion. Feel free to agree or disagree. Cause either way I don't give a crap.

Random Information

So, my youngest son Dakota just woke up screaming. I guess he had a nightmare. Not sure what nightmares a nine month old can have. But, anyway I naturally went to grab him because he was upset and calm him down. My husband came out throwing a fit because he can't sleep and saying I should have just let him cry. Like it's my fault he's been trying to go to sleep for an hour? Dakota was up and crying for maybe ten minutes before he calmed down and fell back asleep. Is it me or can husband throw fits as big or bigger than the kids? LOL!

So, my co-worker and I have been talking about adoption because of some of her friends are going through it. I read a blog where someone had just recently adopted a new baby. They were there in the room when the mother relinquished her rights. That tore out my heart. She made a statement about that being the ultimate act of love for the child. Knowing that you can't take care of it and putting the needs of the baby before your own. I just kept thinking, I don't think I'm that strong. I don't think I could give one of my kids away. Perhaps it's because I'm at a different time in my life and I can provide for my children. I would do anything for them including moving mountains. But, I'm not sure I could give them up. They are my heart and my world. I commend the mothers that know they are incapable of providing for their children and choose adoption. And for the adoptive mothers willing to step in. Both are probably stronger than I. Although I guess it depends on the perspective. I got sober before I had children so that I would be a good mother. Since having my children I've obtained my Bachelors and am currently working on my Masters. I'm not there yet but I continue to attempt to improve myself so that I can be a better mother. If I were extremely young, perhaps that would be different. But, being that I'm in the last few months of my 20s I'm grateful that I grew up enough to become a mother. Without them I wouldn't be who I am and wouldn't have the motivation and clarity that I do. They are my fuel and what keeps me going. I truly believe that if God loves me half as much as I love my kids then He can do anything.

So, today my team and I participated in dress for Halloween at work. I must say that my co-workers far outdid me. We did an 80's theme and they were completely over the top. I'll post pictures when they become available (they were taken with my co-workers camera). So, once she puts them on facebook I can transfer some. But they were absolutely hysterical. Seriously, it was awesome.

But, I digress I suppose it's time for bed. Good night bloggers.

Bobot

Bobot is a main theme in our house and has practically become a family member. My son is obsessed with transformers and anything related to them. We bought him the first transformers movie two weeks ago and needless to say I have watched that movie several times during that timeframe. We bought him transformer shoes that light up over the weekend. He slept in them last night. He is also being a Bobot for Halloween which is absolutely adorable. He calls the mask his Bobot Hat. The unfortunate thing is that half the time I have to tell him he can't wear it because I've already had to mend two holes in it because of his extensive use of it. I cannot wait to take him trick-or-treating. I work in Accounting, so when month end comes I usually have to work really late. Last year I worked until after 10. So, this is my first year that Halloween falls on a Saturday and that means I get to take my beloved boys out on the town. Okay, not really the town. However, we'll be driving 3 miles over to my Dad's house to go trick-or-treating. There are more kids in his neighborhood so I think they'll have more fun. Dakota is so laid back that I think he'll just enjoy the ride. This day is really going to be more about Dustin this year. Perhaps next year Dakota will get more into it. But, being that he's only nine months he'll be strollering it this year. Below are some pix of Dustin in his Bobot costume. Love these!

Boss' Day

So, on boss's day my co-workers and I went all out. We completely decorated my boss's office in Barney. Yes, Barney. Now the story behind that is Barb hates Barney. Being the twisted person that I am I think that when you love someone you torture them and show you care all at the same time. So, we put various pix of Barney all over her walls and she had a ton of fun. It's so nice to be on a team where we all get along and have a lot of fun together. Below are some pix of the day.

Pumpkin Patch

Well the first weekend in October some co-workers and I took my boys to the Flower Mound pumpkin patch. We had so much fun. Dustin rode a horse for the first time. After that Dustin felt like he needed to ride piggy back on me. I guess that walking thing is over-rated. He also spent some time sliding down the bounce house slide. Of course he needed help getting up there because it was difficult to get up there. Dakota spent the time being cuddled by everyone. What a fun day!

Be Grateful for What You Have

Yesterday I went to a meeting and I heard a girl share that her 15 month old daughter was found dead in her apartment with her boyfriend a month ago. She had a lacerated pancreas. The police think there was foul play and she is under suspicion for neglect as the result of leaving her with her father (the boyfriend). She was eight months sober when it happened and has miraculously made it through the first month sober. Aside from everything and the circumstances regarding the death, I cannot even fathom her pain. I think worse than actually not being able to have a child would be to lose one. It is my absolute greatest fear. I'm not sure that I would want to be in a world that my children were not in. I'm sick in that I think at least I have two, in case something horrible happened I would be required to keep it together for the other one. Because if I was suddenly childless I'm not sure I would be able to keep it together let alone eat, breathe, and function. My children are my life's blood. They are my soul and heart melded into one. Be grateful for what you have and for the events that have not happened to you.

Silence is Golden

The house is pretty much quiet. The animals are making noise, but then I guess it wouldn't be my circus if there wasn't something else causing noise somewhere in the house. I've got the house to myself for about another hour before the circus gets here. We have my step-son this weekend as well. It's nice having him around. I'm kind of enjoying the quiet for the moment. I love it when it's the middle of the night on the weekend at like midnight. Then the house is quiet and mine to enjoy. Of course usually about that time I'm exhausted and padding off to bed. But every now and again I get to enjoy the night. Don't get me wrong I love the boys (bear, bug, kooter, and dill) i.e. (Darrell, Dustin, Dakota, and Dylan), but sometimes its nice to have some quiet time.

Six Years

Well, last Sunday I passed my sixth year of sobriety. As I scroll back through these six years, it's hard to believe that the time has passed so quickly. When I started on this journey I was terrified, absolutely terrified. I was almost immobile with fear. I recall waking up on the morning of September 5th, still raw and hungover. The previous night, I had asked my Dad to help me to get sober. As he walked me to my car, he told me he didn't have the energy. I had already taken him on a four year non-stop drinking binge with me and he'd been weakened emotionally as the result of my actions. I didn't blame him. But that didn't stop the tears from falling. I couldn't stop. The comfort wouldn't come. I felt hopeless. I lived in Phoenix at the time and my mother lived in Fort Worth, TX. Utimately after about an hour of driving home, getting ready ready for work, and trying to become composed enough to go into work I gave up. I drove back to my Dad's house and googled directions to Texas. It was 1,080 miles. I'd never driven that far. I walked out of my life that day and have not really looked back. I drove to Texas and to a rehab. My Mom found the rehab and my insurance covered it. I stopped in Odessa Texas and that's where my last drunk was. Thus, why my sobriety date is 9/6/03 versus 9/5/03. Nevertheless I was admitted to rehab on Monday 9/8/03. Things have always come easy for me, learning, school, making friends, but this was difference. I wouldn't say it was easy and I wouldn't say it was completely unfathomable either. I wanted to change my life with every fiber of my being. I wanted more out of life than what I had made of it. I knew I deserved better. I knew my family deserved better. So, here we are six years later. I never thought I'd make it this far. I guess I just never considered it. I didn't have much hope then. Now, I look at my life and it's a completely different vantage point. I find myself knowing that I am capable of so much more than I previously gave myself credit for. I have made it through both the good and the bad and to a newly recovered alcoholic sometimes the good can be more terrifying and foreign than the bad. Life has not been a bed of roses but the aroma is definitely that. I love the fact that I am no longer a slave to a liquid. I know who I am and am comfortable in my own skin. Even six years ago today I couldn't have said that. I'm more blessed than I can say. My children have a sober mother. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful family. My Dad ended up moving out here to Texas after I gave birth to my first son. I was almost three years sober when I gave birth to him. My journey is definitely different now but no less of an adventure. I enjoy the twists and turns. I love the problems I have today. I worry about potty training and not the way I behaved in a black out yesterday. My life is just that, mine. I am free to do with it as I want. I have done the things and accomplished things in these six years that I never dreamed I would do. Especially getting my Masters degree. I'm more than halfway done and am amazed that I made it this far. In a perfect world I would have done things in the right order, gotten the degrees, found the husband, and then had kids. But, then that wouldn't be my story, would it? I've learned that just taking that first step that's the hardest is often the best one to make. I've learned that when the world seems to be falling down around you that there is still hope. I've learned that I am whatever I believe I can be. Thank you GOD for all you've inspired me to do.

Due Diligence

Well, this has been a SUPER busy week. I haven't posted in awhile in due to time constraints. Tonight was a productive night for the boys and I. We went for a long walk (about an hour). Dustin spent most of the time walking our rat terrier named Bonnie. Although, she pulled him too hard at one point and he fell down and got a nasty scrape on his knee. So, we got that bandaged up once we got home. So, the dogs and the kids, save Dakota, got some good exercise. Once we got home we had some lime popcicles. Dakota shared mine and boy does he love licking those! Then it was shower time. Dustin was quite brave considering his newly obtained ouchie. Afterwards it was a brief playtime followed by a book and then bed. Nothing like Cat in the Hat to shut down the night. Dustin has recently acquired the bad habit of sucking his thumb. It makes me irritated however I think he regressing a little bit because he sees how much attention his little brother gets. I'm told that is normal, however I don't want him to mess up his teeth. I still have the Cat in the Hat rhymes in my head. I find myself wanting to rhyme as I write this.
Work is a never ending series of work. LOL! Although, they did move me to a corner cube which seems more spacious. Although, it's the same size as the others. I enjoy working in a corner cube after two years in the middle of everyone. It only took me 3.5 years to get a corner cube. :) Perhaps I'm moving up in the world.
My friend and I were talking today about adoption. What a difficult situation that would be to go through. I told her that the people that adopt must be stronger than me. She's had infertility issues, which my sister is now experiencing. Of course since I have no experience with either and I can only empathize with those individuals. It takes great courage do tread both paths. I'm lucky that when I wanted kids that I was able to conceive. With Dustin I accidentally missed three birth control pills (not in succession) and poof I was pregnant. He was the best oops I've ever done. With Dakota I tried for three months and became pregnant. I know how much I love my children and am in awe of people that have to walk the difficult path to experience such a wonderous gift. I'm sure that it makes it that much sweeter. However, I by no means take my children for granted. I realize that they are the best gift I've ever received and feel undeserving of such a wonderous gift. I become angry when I hear people tell young women (teens) that a baby will ruin their lives. I'm NOT saying I condone teen pregnancy, however I think a baby is a wonderful gift and telling someone that it will ruin their life is a travesty. It can be difficult and trying at times. However, I view my children not as something that I must SURVIVE, but as something I'm blessed to experience. Things are difficult right now due to finances, but at the end of every day I can look at my children and know that whatever I must go through to ensure that they are okay is well worth the effort. God Bless those that must walk difficult paths to experience what I have been given so freely. For they must be stronger than I.

Economic Hardship

As we all know, the economy is in quite a state fand has been fr the past eight or nine months. I know that my family has been affected considerably during the past few months. Due to the economy, I was promoted in January but was unable to receive a raise. We are obligated to wait until next April to receive our raise. A few factors affect our current situation. Given that I received my Bachelor's degree in Business Management a year ago in July and that I am currently pursuing my Masters in Business Administration I feel that I should be paid equal to what I could earn with my degree. I have basically had the same job for 3.5 years. Thus, I am not being paid what someone with a degree would earn. That being said, we've also had a recent addition to our family. We are also not allowed to work overtime at work. Thus, it is increasingly difficult to get our bills covered. I know that others have it far worse than we do, but we are still feeling the burn.
Although, the best thing that I can say about this situation is that at least I have my family. Without the support of my husband nor the joy that my children bring, it would be impossible to survive this difficult time. I have been operating through brief periods of depression followed by longer periods of optimism. It's difficult to remain positive during this time, but it seems like the only route to go. Having my children is a great relief and source of inspiration for me. When I had Dustin, I decided to finish my Bachelor's degree and when I had Dakota I decided to obtain my Masters degree. My children make me want to be a better person. Although this time is difficult, I hope that it will soon pass. I don't know what the future holds, nor do I understand the path that God has laid out for us. However, I hope and pray that our turmoil will result in a time of plenty.

In Memory of Chris Logan

When we know someone who has passed on seemingly in the prime of life we are taken aback and wonder at the futility and randomness of such an event. Perhaps we review our own life and mortality and contemplate areas of improvement or perhaps when around our loved ones we take one extra moment to tell them we love them. No method of grieving is incorrect and it comes in all forms. Some become angry, some become depressed, and others laugh nervously. When someone dies before they have truly lived, what do we grieve for? We acknowledge their family and those they left behind. A wife and small child. The wife who will never be held in the arms of her husband and never hear his voice again. The child, robbed of so many father-son moments will never be the same. He will never be taught to ride his bike, or throw a ball, or watch in awe that his father can run so fast or throw so far. And the man who will miss the most important aspects of his life. He’ll miss watching his son grow into a man. He’ll miss his high school and college graduation. He’ll miss the wedding and birth of his grandchildren. He’ll miss it all and he will be missed. Life is so short and so brief. Cherish the important things, family and friends, the rest is just obligatory. The relationships formed and the people we meet along our journey touch a thread in time that ripples on-ward and out-ward toward infinity. Tonight I will go home and thank God that both my boys will have both parents. Problems? I don’t have any, I just thought I did.

Dakota Weber

Well, my little gremlin has two ear infections. Poor little man. When I woke up this morning at 5:00 a.m. he had a fever. I gave him some Tylenol and 45 minutes later he felt the same. I gave him a small dose of Motrin and took him temperature an hour after that because he still felt hot. It was 102! So, I took him to the doctor and he whimpered at her in this pathetic little voice. I was crestfallen. Anyway, so obviously we're home now and his fever is manageable. He's crashed out next to me now. The good news is that he's keeping his food down. Although, I'm told he threw up yesterday at daycare. I'm just glad he seems to be feeling a little bit better. He's such a sweet baby. After his fever went down he was smiling at me again, seemingly more like his old self.
I love my little angels.

Waterbug - The Glorified Roach

There is practically nothing I hate more in this world than roaches, call them waterbugs, call them what you want. I absolutely cannot stand roaches. They make the hair stand up all over my body. As a child, when we were about to move into a new house, we went to check it out and it had a fireplace. I was about five or six. Now, who comes down the chimney but good old St. Nick, right? WRONG! I went to go look up the chimney by myself and stepped closer to the chimney a bunch of roaches scattered. It scared the ever living $hit out of me. To this day I absolutely abhore roaches. I cannot stand them if they are alive. If they are dead I can semi-manage if. I've even gotten the courage to vacuum up the bodies when I've had to. But, tonight I was sitting on the couch and eating some spaghetti but what should literally happen to land right next to me on the side table? But, a huge waterbug errr roach. I started screaming. I ran to the kitchen to get the bug spray and starting saturating the couch. Needless to say it started running and running all over my stuff, my text book, my couch, ewwwww. Of course this entire time I was screaming. I tried not to, but couldn't seem to shut up. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Dustin was in the room? Of course. So, what happens if the one person you look to for support, comfort, and a sense of overall safety is running around screaming? Right, you start screaming too. Lord knows what we're screaming over, but something MUST be amiss. Needless to say I pointed at the Ewwww and was screaming. Once I killed the stupid thing I went back for Dustin and the poor child was crying and screaming and clinging to me like the world was ending. So, to make a long story short, I'm pretty sure that I just traumatized Dustin for life. Pretty sure any time he sees a roach he's going to scream bloody murder. So, I'm happy to report that I passed on my panic. Actually, I'm not happy about it at all. I guess you had to be there but in the end it's kind of humorous. Dustin and Mommy screaming. Dustin's screaming because Mommy is screaming. Why is Mommy screaming? I don't know, but if she is then f&*k it, so am I. Did I mention Dustin is sleeping with me tonight? Hmmm, be careful of ALL of your actions around your child. With my luck, this will be Dustin's first memory.

Saturday Morning

Well, it is Saturday morning! I feel fabulous! Last night I came home and went to bed right away. I basically slept all night. I woke up at various intervals and watched some tv. But, last night was my night to do nothing except what I wanted. What I normally choose to do on my nights off is catch up on sleep. Being a working mother and getting my graduate degree kind of wears me out! I only worked out twice this week, so I'll to work on getting better at that. The boys are both fed and are wearing relatively clean pants. Dustin put on his own shoes for the first time and he's got them on the wrong feet. He's riding his tricycle around the house with shoes on the wrong feet, wearing a diaper and has one ass cheek hanging out. Luckily we're in the comfort of our own home so I'll let him go for a little while before I get up and fix it. I have four homework assignments due on Sunday night and the house needs its weekly cleaning. So, that's pretty much my to-do list for this weekend. Other than that I'll be hanging out with the boys.
Having two children is a constant adventure. It definitely makes my world go round. Everyone at work seems to be pregnant right now and that's interesting. The thing that keeps occurring to me is I'm so glad I'm NOT pregnant right now. After I get my masters degree then we'll talk about adding another member to my family. Although, I'd rather just have the baby and skip the whole pregnancy thing. It's not doing wonders for my figure. However, the end result always makes my heart sing. My children are the world to me. Dustin with his quirks, and Dakota with his smiles steal my heart every second of every day. I don't get why people wouldn't want kids, but then not everyone is exactly like me. That's probably a good thing. One of me in this world is more than enough.

Chunky Butt

Chunky Butt is our nickname for our youngest, Dakota. He's such a precious little ham. His favorite hobbies include listening to himself talk, smiling at people, shaking his head back and forth really fast to get dizzy, pooping, eating, and hanging out with Mom and Dad. These are his action shots. He turns five months on the 21st of this month. I cannot believe how quickly time is going by. It seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital waiting to take him home and now he's getting to big. He goes in for shots on the 25th of this month. At the same time I'm taking his older brother in for his 3 year well visit. That's where we'll talk to the doctor about potentially getting a speech therapist for Dustin. So, we'll see how that goes. I've been doing flash cards with Dustin to see if he'll start picking some stuff up. He's trying to say new things with me only working with him for five days. So, that's at least some progress in the right direction. I noticed that when I was home on maternity leave with Dustin his vocabulary and speech improved in leaps and bounds. When we're around other people Dustin, who is typically very verbose around me, is suddenly very quiet. So, I wonder if I need to be his speech therapist. I guess that's another question I'll pose to the doctor. But, in the meantime the flash cards can't hurt.

I got frustrated earlier because we were having tornado warnings in the area and today was Darrell's day to watch the boys. I got woken up after an hour nap. I'm not very thrilled when I get woken up. Can't I just have a night to myself? It's been over a week and a half since I've had one to isolate and be left alone. But, I suppose with a house full of people and Ewww being left alone is an improbable proposition. I'll dream of the day when I have a few minutes alone.

Ta Da!

Well, I actually did all that I set out to for today. The house is clean except for the newest addition to our tumbleweed pile, again compliments of my Chow. My homework is done and I went to a meeting. All in all a productive day. Now I get to go back to work and do that work thing for five more days. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm. It's 10:30 and my three year old is still awake. I had to change his diaper and clothes again because he had some more Ewww going on. It's amazing how much Ewww all the things in my life produce. Between the kids, the cat, and both dogs I'm forever surrounded by various Ewww's. Although, for today and right now it's under control. I'm waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in so I can go get some sleep before I go back to battle tomorrow. I would be watching tv comfortably in my room right now except Darrell is having trouble falling asleep. I get blamed for enough stuff around here, I don't need that on my list as well. Funny how when the kids have a mess, suddenly it's like I inherit it. Why is that? Just wondering.
So, the meeting I went to was for newcomers in AA. What's weird about that is people that are newly sober are quite interesting and basically make no sense because most of them are still fuzzy from their drinking. So, I basically went and listened to a bunch of people random about stuff that made no sense. So, that was fun. Glad I'm not newly sober anymore because I'm sure at that stage of my sobriety I made absolutely no sense either. In September I'll have six years. Man, the time flies. I swear, it seems surreal to say that I've been sober almost six years. I remember when I thought a month of sobriety was a long time. Of course it is if you are just getting sober. Of course, with any luck and some diligence on my part I won't have to go through the first few days of getting sober again. Once was enough for me. And being sober is definitely the easier, softer, way.
My Dad came over tonight and hung out. We had turkey burgers for dinner. They were yummy. Unlike some other people I know I'm not losing my post baby weight as quickly as I'd like. What a beat down. Although, when I look at Dakota it was so worth it. He's such an amazing little soul. He's like a little ray of sunshine. So is Dustin my oldest. We went on a walk earlier and he turned around held up his arms for a hug. So, I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. It's great when they can return the affection you feel. That's an amazing gift. An amazing gift I get to experience sober. What a wonderous world we live in.

To Do List

I would love to say that I was the most diligent Mom or wife yesterday. I had such good intentions of getting the house cleaned and my homework done. Did all of that happen? Um no. Although I did clean my boys' rooms. Dustin's was semi-gross. Here shortly its time to bust out the motivation. Caffeine is already in motion. I have three assignments due tonight so I'll have to get on those as well. I figure I can do some of that while the boys are taking a nap. Dakota is watching tv next to me. He likes the lights on the tv.

Auto Pilot

Has anyone ever been operating on auto pilot? I was asleep this morning when I heard banging (my 3 year old). Apparently I had the audacity to sleep until 8:19. Apparently that 20 minutes later than my normal alloted sleep time. My four month old was screaming at the top of his lungs and my 3 year old was talking to himself. People get cranky when they don't eat. I know I do. It's about 40 minutes later and I'm still asleep I think. I'm patiently waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Although, my youngest son is watching me type and is completely fascinated by it. It's the hands, newborns love hands and mine are evidently very exciting for the moment. Both kids have clean pants and have been fed. So, the emergency situation I awoke to has passed. Looks like the verdict is both kids will live. Phew! They were worried. Pretty sure they are going to file a complaint with management about the tardiness of their breakfast. Of course, that's to be expected. Dustin is banging his cup now which means he needs a refill. Hmmm, his immediate dilemma has been solved. He'll have to wait a minute.

As soon as the caffeine kicks in I'll have to go on a hunting excavation. More juice is on the first of the list. The second is tackling some of the Ewww going on in my house. What is it with young kids you develop a new terminology. For instance, I sometimes catch myself telling someone I need to go "potty." I guess sometimes I forget that I'm talking to adults. Dustin spilled his juice on his high chair lids which has a cup holder. He's now sifting the juice from the cup holder into his cup. Got to give him points for ingenuity. Kids and animals have an amazing gift for destroying a perfectly clean house. I sometimes wonder if I'm in the old west. I see hairballs rolling around on the tile floor compliments of my shedding Chow Chow. Random stickiness on my tile floor makes me cringe and need to wear shoes for sanitary purposes. It's amazing how many times I say in reference to my three year old, "probably won't killl him." For instance, eating dog food out of the dog bowl is probably not something that will kill him. At least it hasn't yet. I think I'm exhausted because I actually had an exciting night out on the town. The boys and I went over to a friends house and were let our boys play. We were out until 9:30. You know you've almost reached 30 when you think that's a late night. So much for a wild night life I was used to when I was 21. Anyway, my son is busy making a busy another mess. The caffeine is thankfully starting to kick in. I'll be busy trying to clean the house and hairballs, while Dustin diligently makes more messes. First on my list... wash Dustin's bedding. His diaper leaks and that's gross. Like I said... a bunch of Ewww to clean up.

My Three Year Old

My 3 year old son, Dustin, is perfect. He has been the joy of my life since the day I found out I was pregnant with him. We recently added a new perfect member to our family, Dakota, my four month old. I'm worried about my three year old. He has what I would term as speech delay. His comprehension is amazing and I can tell that he understands and "hears" me. He communicates with me in both verbal and non-verbal ways. However, he's no where near as verbal as other three year olds I have seen. He's intelligent and does express himself verbally. Such as, "I brush teeth." "I eat... more eat." So, I guess the only thing for me to do is take him to the doctor and try to get him into speech therapy. I mean, it's hard being a parent and wanting to have conversations with your child. I thought I would by now. He talks all the time, just in his own language. I've also noticed he talks to me more than anyone. When we are around other people, he barely says any of the things he normally does to me. Perhaps he's already feeling pressured. I'm a pretty laid back Mom in terms of letting him be himself. He is disciplined and for the most part well-behaved. Although, he does like to drink out of the dog dish. But, I associate that more with being a boy and young than an "issue." He's never reallly had any behavioral problems to speak of. Anyway, I'm signing off.